Because Of You
by sparksflyy
Summary: mitchie had pushed away almost everyone she cared about. but what if the one she cared about the most came back? will she open up to him or push him away like before ?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: i do not own camp rock or the characters. **

**please enjoy :) **

Because of you

Chapter 1

As I sat there on the edge of my roof, a thousand thoughts were going through my mind. How easy would it be to just jump? No one would care, I had no one who loved me anymore, I had let it all slip away. I had ruined everything. I guess, 'you don't know what you've got until its gone' fits in perfectly with my situation. But you had no idea how much I had lost. I lost my will to live, I lost any feeling of love, I had lost myself. I didn't mean to, it wasn't my fault, it was the eyes, the looks people gave me after the accident, they were all filled with pity. I didn't want pity; I wanted my mom back. Their words were filled with meaningless promises and lies. 'it will get better', 'im always here if you need me'. It was bullshit, no one was there for me, they just lied to make me feel better, but it never worked.

Running a shaky hand through my hair, I stood up and climbed back through my window. As soon as my feet were firmly on the ground I heard a crash downstairs. I closed my eyes and let out a scared breath. Dad was home. I waited patiently as I heard his loud footsteps getting closer and closer until my door swing open. I slowly opened my eyes to see him swaying with a ¾ empty bottle. He had been drinking again. Whenever he drank, I would end up bruised and battered. It was always the same. The bruises from last time still hadn't faded. As he stumbled towards me I prepared myself for whatever he was going to do. The first blow was the hardest, knocking me to the ground, I covered my stinging cheek and I scurried away from him.

His eyes bore into me. "You're the reason your mother is dead, it's all your fault" his voice boomed throughout the empty house causing to echo. He went to hit me again but he stopped before he touched me. He laughed in mockery as he saw me cower away from him. "You make me sick" he spat as his foot collided with my shin. I let a small shriek out as I clutched my leg. He shot me a glare before he left my room.

Welcome to my life.

This happened very often as he drank almost everyday, no matter how much I begged him to stop, he never did. It was like he got some sick pleasure seeing other people's pain. He covered up his own pain with the poison he drank. It gave him some comfort, until it wore off, and then it would start all over again.

I never told anyone, well, because no one ever asked. Not that I would tell them anyway, but it would be nice to be asked if I was ok, to show that some people might actually care, even though they didn't. I think people were afraid to talk to me, I never really spoke in school, except to my best friend, but I hardly spoke to her anymore. I couldn't bear tell her what I go through, she might not talk to me ever again, and I couldn't loose her, even thought I slowly was. I pushed everyone away, everyone I ever cared about. I pushed _him _away.

He never did anything wrong, as I just shunned him out. He was there for me, he cared and he would listen, but I couldn't stand it. I wasn't good enough for him; he didn't deserve some 17-year-old who wanted to die. He deserved someone who could return his love because then, I didn't love him nearly as much as he loved me. I wanted to, so badly, but the thought of getting close to someone scared me, I felt as if I let them in, they would leave me or I would loose them, and I just couldn't take that risk. The loss of my mom was too much and I just couldn't deal with it. I needed him though, he knew that as well, but I would never admit that, not to anyone.

Sitting on my bed I just stared at the bare white walls that were once filled with pictures of smiling faces and joy. Now, when I looked at that wall, all I saw was emptiness and despair. I tilted my head up to look at the clock. 4:15pm. I sighed, what could I do to make the time go any faster, all this silence was agonizing. I decided to call my best friend. Flipping my phone up, I dialled her number and waited for her to answer.

"Hey Mitch" she said softly with a little happiness in my voice. I think she was happy that I had actually called her, since I had basically been ignoring her for the past couple of months, I was surprised she hadn't given up on me yet, but I was glad she hadn't.

I took a deep breath. "Hey Caity" my voice shook as I spoke. I didn't know if I could do this.

She picked up on that straight away. "Mitchie? What's wrong, are you ok?" the urgency in her voice made my heart warm a little. Maybe I should tell her, but would she tell anyone, not if I told her not too.

I shook my head, which made a few tears fall to the floor. "No, I don't know what to do anymore Caitlyn, everything's wrong". I hated sounding so weak, I had kept my emotions perfectly locked inside of me and now, they were just dripping out.

"Mitchie, tell me what's wrong" Caitlyn's firm voice filled my ears. I could tell she was worried, I smiled slightly at that, someone cared.

But the smile disappeared all to quickly as I prepared myself to tell her. "It's my dad" I croaked. I honestly didn't know how she was going to take it, I was afraid that she would tell someone, I didn't want that, because if my dad ever found out I had told, I shuddered, I didn't even want to think about that.

"What about your dad?" she said cautiously. She didn't understand what I was saying.

I sighed. "He's been drinking since my mom died and when he does, he, hit's me" I barely whispered out the response. It felt strange saying those words out loud, now someone knew, I felt a small weight lift from my chest.

She didn't talk for a few seconds, I was afraid that she was going to hang up. "He hit's you?" she paused before speaking again. "Why don't you tell someone, other than me" she sounded so confused.

My eyes widened. "I can't tell anyone! I couldn't even tell you but I did, Caitlyn you have to promise me that you will not tell **anyone, **not even your mom" my frantic voice gave away just how much I wanted her to keep this to herself. I can only dread the horrors that will occur if someone else found out.

"Fine, I wont tell anyone, but I cant help you if you don't" she said replied in sorrow. I felt a wave of guilt flood my body, she truly wanted to do something to help, but I wasn't going to let her because of my stupid constant fear.

I nodded. "I know, I just need someone to talk to". And she was the only one I could talk to, now that _he_ wasn't here with me, I had no one but her.

"Well, im always here if you need to talk, I promise, I just hate knowing that you could be getting beaten as soon as you hang up" her voice soothing as she sighed.

I forced a smile. "Im a big girl, I can handle it"

She sighed once again. "Hardly Mitchie, all those bruises, all those cuts, doesn't look like you get away with just a scratch"

I winced as the memories of his violent swings flooded back to mind. "I can handle it Caity, I have to"

"Call me next time he does something, your coming to live with me if this carries on, im not risking your life because you don't want me to tell anyone, you cant stay there, he might end up killing you Mitch" she said dramatically.

"Ok, Bye Caitlyn" I said before flipping my phone shut. I threw my phone onto the floor as I ran my hands over my face. Part of me wished I had never told her, but the other part of me was glad that someone knew. I feel so helpless and lost, sitting here waiting for my father to fall asleep so I can leave the room. I cant believe my own father had made me fear everything, including other men. I felt so conscious whenever a guy would look at me, I would always keep my head down, avoiding their hungry stares, it made me cringe when I saw the look in their eyes when they looked at me, I couldn't understand what it was but I never stuck around long enough to figure it out.

As I sit there a brief thought crashes over me, should I just end it here? Everything? I could do what I thought about earlier, just jump. I swallowed harshly as I made my way slowly over to my window. I stopped just as I put my foot on the windowsill. What was I doing? If I did this, I would show that he got to me, and I didn't want that, I wanted to show people that no matter what, I could still handle it, and anyway I had more to live for, well, I hope I did.

I trudged back to my bed and just sat there, staring at the ground. How much longer would it take for sleep to engulf me? My eyes wandered back to the clock and I saw that only and hour had passed. I groaned and threw myself back onto the bed. Maybe I should just call him, tell him I still think about him in the late nights, and tell him that he still means something to me. I picked up my phone but then put it back down. He wouldn't answer even if I called. He hated me, I didn't blame him, I gave him every reason to hate me, I pushed him away when I needed him the most, what hurts the most is that he didn't give up that easily, he would come to my house, ring my phone, but I never answered, it hurt to much. I didn't want to shut him out, I was just afraid of loosing him so I let him go, I know, it was one of the biggest mistakes of my life.

I then heard noises coming from down stairs. Raised voices. My eyebrows furrowed in confusion as I pulled my small frame from the bed and fluttered quietly down the stairs. I followed the voices, which brought me to the front door. I saw the back of my father who was obviously talking to someone at the door, well shouting by the sounds of things.

"Just leave, she doesn't want to see" came the angry voice of my father. I wanted to know who he was talking to and more importantly who he was talking about. I didn't dare move though. But when he moved slightly to the side I saw who he was yelling at. My breath hitched in my throat as I looked at the persons face.

"Sir" he began urgently. "If you just give—Mitchie" his voice flowed through me like a beautiful melody, but I couldn't escape the feeling of pain that coursed through my body as Shane's eyes locked with mine. I looked from my father then to him, giving him a look that told he should leave, but he ignored it.

"Mitch" he began as he tried to take a step into the house, but my father stopped him by grabbing his collar and pushing him forcefully against the door.

"Stop!" I screamed as hot tears hurried down my face. I couldn't bear to see him hurt Shane.

I sighed quietly in relief when my dad let go of him. He then pushed him out and slammed the door. He began rubbing his temples as he let out a few deep, angry breaths. "Go to your room" he hissed in a low tone.

I nodded hastily as I turned around and scurried up the stairs. With every step I took my feet felt heavier. As soon as I reached my room, I slid down the door with my hands firmly in my hair. He was even more beautiful than I remembered. His used-to-be long hair was now shorter and scruffy, he had slight facial hair which made him look slightly older, his fashion sense still the same since camp, his clothes clinging to his body, showing how toned it his and his eyes, oh those eyes, the ones that used to look at me with such adoration, now, they just looked at me with hurt and betrayal. I hated that, I hated the fact that I had caused that look in his once vibrant eyes.

I'd give anything to see that look of happiness in his eyes again.

**ok, so this is a new story i am starting, i hope you like it :) it will get better in time. can i get 5 reviews before i post the next chapter, i would love to hear what you have to say, :) thanks. **

**Chels x**


	2. Chapter 2

**here you go :) **

Because of you

Chapter 2

Sleep overtook me very quickly after all of the crying. But I still dreamt about Shane. I remembered the last time I had spoke to him. It was the last day of camp and I had been dreading going home to my father. It wasn't a fond memory.

"_Mitchie! Tell me what's wrong, I can help you" he said as he placed his hands firmly on my shoulders. _

_I shook my head and shrugged them off. "No one can help me Shane, maybe its best if we, didn't see each other anymore" I said in a low whisper. I made the mistake of looking in his eyes, I regretted it because they had suddenly darkened. _

"_What" his asked in disbelief. _

_I bowed my head as the countless tears fell. "Im sorry" I said as I placed a gentle peck on his cheek before walking away, ignoring him as he called out my name. _

As I thought of that I let a single tear fall. I had been so unfair to him, and he had actually came back to see me. but I didn't want him seeing me like this, I was a mess, everything was a mess. When I woke up I didn't know what time it was but it was still dark. I looked at the clock and saw that it was 2am. I sighed and swung my legs over my bed and rubbed my face. I then heard tapping noises coming from the window. I snapped my head up and began to walk over to it, to be honest I was quite scared; I hear this happens in horror movies a lot. But when I opened the curtains slightly there was nothing. Confusion struck but then I heard a faint noise that sounded like a voice, I looked down and saw that it was Shane with a few stones in his hand.

I lifted the window and gave him a strange look. What was he still doing here?

"Come to your door please" he begged as he looked at me with those eyes.

I felt a shiver run through me, as we stayed locked with each other. I held up my finger to tell him to give me a minute. I had to check if my dad wasn't awake. I quietly closed the window and crept out of my room and across the hall to my father's room. I slowly peeked through the little crack in the door to see him sprawled out across his bed snoring loudly. I sighed in relief and I carefully made my way down the stairs. As I made my way over to the door I hesitated for a few seconds. What was he going to say to me?. I then opened the door to see him with his head down. He lifted it when I cleared my throat. I moved aside so he could come in and walked into the living room. He followed behind me and sat on the sofa opposite me.

"What the hell Mitchie! Why have you been ignoring me for all this time" came his whispering voice. He sounded so angry and hurt, it made my chest ache.

I flinched slightly at the sudden outburst. "Im sorry" was all I could say. I knew he would be angry, how could I have not expected it. He hated me.

He shook his head and let out a long sigh. "I don't know what I did, but whatever it was im sorry". I looked at him. How could he think it was his fault? He was nothing but perfect to me, he gave me everything I could ever want, he loved me.

"Its not your fault Shane, it never was, it was my own, I was going through a rough patch" I said as I looked at him. As his eyes met mine I felt another shiver.

He raised an eyebrow and scoffed. "A rough patch, it was hardly a patch if you haven't been speaking to me in almost a year". He was trying to get me to confess, and at this rate it looked like I had to.

"It was my dad ok! After my mom died he began drinking and hitting me, he blamed me for her death, that's why I stopped talking to you, happy now!" I said in a loud whisper and I covered my face with my hands. A sob made its way up my throat as soon as I had closed my eyes. I then felt a large hand on the small of my back. I gasped slightly and turned my head to see that Shane was only inches away from my face.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he breathed as he rubbed circles on my back. I felt like electricity had run up my spine as I looked at him. His eyes seemed to soften slightly as he wiped away a few of my tears.

"How could I tell you? I was in such a state I didn't want anyone knowing, it was hard enough having to deal with it all and if I did tell people, they would constantly ask questions, I didn't want that" I said with a small shrug.

He nodded but kept quiet. We were so close that our foreheads were touching, but I had never felt so far away from him. I had kept the truth from him, I had hurt him, I had ignored him, I was surprised that he was actually comforting me.

"Come on" he said as he took my hand and led me outside. We sat down on my porch steps and just looked out into the darkness. I looked at him and watched and the stars reflected off his hazel brown eyes. he was so beautiful. I had missed him. I remember how before everything went bad, we were each other's 24/7. Hardly leaving one another's side. I loved him and he loved me. Everything was perfect. We would spend days on end with each other until he had to leave for tour, he would sometimes fly back to see me when he had a day off and he never failed to call me when he was supposed to, sometimes only to ask me how my day had been. I never deserved the love he gave me, but I am grateful for everything that we shared.

I wanted to forget the bad parts though; it would make things so much easier.

I remember when my mother died Shane came back from whatever country he was in just to hold me, I then realised at that moment how much he really did love me, and it scared me. I was afraid of loosing him. When he went back on tour a few days later, he would try and call to see if I was ok, but I never answered. I thought that if I let him go, I wouldn't have to loose him. It sounds so stupid but at that moment in time it felt like the right thing to do.

I wanted to ask him if he was still touring but I didn't dare in case he thought back to when I rejected his calls and everything, so we just sat there, in a comfortable silence. I feel a gentle nudge against my hand and see that Shane had overturned his own. I think he wanted me to hold his hand. I slowly placed my hand over his and he interlaces our fingers. Our hands fit perfectly together. He looked at me for a few moments. But I was the first one to speak. "Do you hate me, for what I did?"

He looked at me with wide eyes like it was a foreign question. "Hate you?"

I nodded and waited for him to extend his answer. I wanted him to say that he never stopped loving me, but another part of me wanted him to hate me so he wouldn't have to deal with all the shit I go through.

He shook his head. "Even if I tried I couldn't hate you, and believe me I have, when you stopped calling me, I tried so hard to tell myself that you meant nothing to me and that it would be better if I just forgot about you, but I never did".

I nodded again. I didn't know how to answer him. I was glad he didn't hate me. even after everything.

He then looked behind him at my house. "Why do you stay here if your dad abuses you" he sounded so confused. He had a point though, there was nothing holding me back, I could take up Caitlyns offer and just go crash at hers until I found a place. Well, The only thing that was holding me back was my mom's memory. If I left, I would have nothing of hers. You see, when my dads not there, I like to sit in her room and look through all of the old photographs, it makes me feel like she's still here. I just wish she really was.

I shrugged. "I really don't know, I guess I just have false hope that my dad might change" that part was true. I did hope he would change, but like I said, it was false hope. "And if he doesn't, I'll just crash and Caitlyns"

He shook his head. "If he doesn't change, your coming to live with me, I need to know that your safe at all times" he had a look of pure concern in his deep hazel eyes. I made me shiver.

I looked at him. "Im sure I'll be safe at Caitlyns".

"I don't care, if he continues, your crashing at mine, end of" he said sternly. I scoffed, he didn't get to decide what I did, but I didn't question him on it, I really couldn't be bothered to start an argument. I wondered what it would be like to live with him, I didn't know if we would get along, living with someone could be hard, especially if it was Shane. We didn't agree on much.

He squeezed my hand. "Im only looking out for you Mitch" his spoke softly. I sighed, I knew he was, but I didn't like the fact that I had to be looked out for, I was 17, I shouldn't be going through what I do, I should be happy, my life should be fun, but its far from it.

I gave him a small reassuring smile. "I know" I said in a small voice. We just stared into each others eyes for a few moments before I began to lean in, just before our lips touched he pulled away. "not now" he whispered. I swallowed and nodded. I suddenly felt like such a fool, what was I doing? we couldn't just jump straight into this again. I then felt his free arm lock around my waist as he pulled me closer, placing such a gentle kiss on my cheek that I thought he hadn't done it. I closed my eyes for a fraction of a second before letting out a small sigh.

"I have to go" he whispered into my ear.

I nodded and slowly stood up. "I'll see you soon Shane" I said as I turned to leave, but he gently grabbed my arm stopping me. the sudden movement caused me yank it away and jump back. He looked at me startled eyes.

"Im not going to hurt you Mitchie" he reassured me as he pulled me into his arms. I nodded and leaned into him. I knew he wouldn't hurt me. "Im going to give you my number, call me if you need me" he said before he took my phone from my other hand and dialled his number in. I watched as he speedily typed it in before handing it back to me. "Remember to give me a call," he said sternly with one of his eyebrows raised.

I nodded. "I will". He smiled a small smile and pulled me closer. "I really did miss you Mitchie" he said huskily. He was standing so close again, I felt like he was doing it on purpose just to drive me crazy. He dragged his lips across my jaw line before turning around and walking. I let out a long sigh before walking back into the house.

When I closed the door I leant against the door and bowed my head. "What were you doing" came a low voice causing me to jump up slightly. I looked up to see my fathers figure emerge from the shadows. I sucked in my breath. "Just outside getting some air" I lied. He nodded and for a second I thought he believed me, but as I went to walk past him and up to my room he pulled me back by my hair and threw me to the floor, I gasped as my hands flew to my head.

"Don't lie to me" he hissed as he towered over me. I closed my eyes in preparation. His hand collided with my cheek and I let out a low whimper and a gasp. I heard the noise before I felt it. It hit me like bricks, so sudden and so painful. I removed one of my hands from my hair and cupped my cheek. "I don't want you around that boy anymore" he threatened before giving me one last kick and walking back up to his room. I just lay there, in to much pain to move. My breaths are coming out short and sharp as I try and stand, but I fail miserably as I tumble back onto the ground. I claw through the air to try and find something solid to help me stand, my hand stumbles across the edge of a table, I slowly pull myself from the floor. I have to limp up the stairs because putting to much pressure on my other ankle hurts too much.

When I reach my room I collapse onto the bed and sit there holding my ankle as tears flooded my face. I then remembered my talk with Shane.

"_Call me if you need me" _

I reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone, flicking through my contacts until I found his name. I dialled.

He answered on the fourth ring. "Mitchie?" his voice was concerned with so much worry as well. I bit down on my lip.

Sniffing I answered. "Shane" I began as I looked around the room. "Can you come get me?" that was all I said before I hung up. Looking around one last time at the room I had grown up in I began to pack my bags.

**thank you to everyone who reviewed, i love you all :) i hope you liked this chapter. heres a deal, i get 5 reviews before i upload every chapter? sound fair? probably not but please :) well, thanks again. **

**Chelsea x**


	3. Chapter 3

Because of you

Chapter 3

As I sat there, waiting for Shane, dread was running through me like an Olympic runner. What if my dad woke up before Shane got here, what if he found out where I had gone too, and most importantly, what if he hurt Shane? I couldn't stand it if he did anything to him. It would feel like entirely my fault. Just the thought of my father hurting him or finding out made my stomach churn.

My phone buzzing brought me out of my thoughts. I flipped it up and saw that I had a message from Shane.

_How shall I get in? _ It read. I sighed and text back instantly.

_Use the window. _I pressed send and shoved my phone back in my bag. I looked at the two large duffle bags on my bed and sighed again, I can't believe I was actually doing it. I cant believe I was moving in with Shane, and I had only seen him for the first time in a year today, well yesterday as it was now 4am. I walked over to my window and opened it so Shane could get in when he came. I paced around my room biting the skin around my nails as I kept my eyes on the door and the window.

When I heard a noise from the window I snapped around and saw Shane climbing in. I walked back over to my bags and began to pack up the rest of my things.

"Do you need some help?" he asked as he touched my back. I shook my head and bit down on my lip as my eyes began to fog. I sniffed and I stuffed things into the bags. When I was finished I slung one on my shoulder. Shane grabbed the other one then looked at me with soft eyes. "Are you ok?" I nodded and walked quietly in front of him. I tried to make sure I made as little noise as possible; I gave Shane a warning glance as he accidentally bumped my bag into the wall making a small noise. He raised his hands in a sorry motion before following me down the stairs.

When we were finally out the door I let out a sigh of relief. I felt a hand gently touch on my arm. I looked around to see Shane with a sad look on his face. "Im sorry" he said. "I know this is hard" all I could do was nod and give him a small smile. He unlocked the car and climbed into the drivers seat. I dumped my bags in the back and climbed into the passenger seat. As we began to drive away I watched as my home kept getting further and further away, when it was finally out of sight I let a few tears fall, I was leaving behind my moms memory. The only thing I had left was the locket that was hanging from my neck. I began to fiddle with the item as I kept my gaze fixed ahead. Shane never tried to speak, I think he knew this was hard for me and wanted to give me some time to process it. I mean, I was moving in with a guy I wasn't even with and I hadn't seen him in so long, also the things we have been through, no normal girl would agree to move in, but I guess, I wasn't normal, and I was still in love with him.

I only realised how much he really meant to me when he was gone, but by then it was too late, the damage had been done and I didn't think it could be repaired. I still didn't know but I had more faith than I did before. Not much, but more. when we stopped, I looked out the window to see a large white building. Climbing out o the car, I grabbed my bag and Shane grabbed the other. We walked into the building and into the elevator. There was still silence. Luckily it wasn't an awkward silence. When we reached his apartment, I couldn't help but stare around in awe. It was so spacious and all the furniture was set out perfectly and it all looked untouched. I set my bag on the floor and walked further into the room.

I turned around to face Shane when I heard the door click behind me. he didn't look at me though, he just walked into the kitchen. I sighed and followed him. He was pulling something out of the fridge and he didn't even turn to look at me when I walked into the kitchen.

"You have a beautiful place," I mumbled as I hoped up onto the counter. He didn't even look up, he just continued to pour himself a drink and he muttered a thank you. Sighing again I jumped down from the counter and walked out of the kitchen, I couldn't take this silence anymore. As I walked over to my bag by the door I heard footsteps.

"Where are you going" came a low husky voice from behind me. I turned around all looked at him; he had worry obvious in his eyes.

"To go change," I replied stiffly as I grabbed my bag. "Where is the guest room?" I asked as I looked around. He motioned for me to follow him as he walked down the long hallway. I followed him, staying back slightly as he lead me into a room that was at the far end of the hall.

He extended his hand as he opened the door. "Here it is, my room is a few doors down, so if you need anything, just shout" and with that he was gone, and I was alone again. I was so used to be alone that I actually didn't mind it anymore. I actually preferred it, it gave me time to think, but sometimes, that wasn't all that good.

I unpacked my things and changed for bed. As soon as I laid my head on my pillow I was out like a light. But that didn't stop the nightmares that came with the sleep. They were always the same, it was my dad and me in a room, he was shouting, my mom would show up, but then she would leave when she saw what my dad was capable of, and I was always left in a bloody and bruised mess. I didn't know I was screaming until I felt myself being shaken and my eyes snapping open to see a scared looking Shane.

"Mitchie! Is everything ok?" he asked as he pulled me into his arms. I noticed that I had tears running down my face when I pressed it against his chest. I sobbed as he ran his hands up and down my back. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked gently as he pressed his lips onto the top of my head. I shook my head and just curled up my fists. "Was it about your dad" he questioned. I just nodded. I heard his sigh as he pushed me away slightly, he then looked into my eyes. "Your safe here, I wont let him touch you, I promise ok, he isn't going to find you, and if he does, we'll go away, somewhere he could never find us, ok?" he said as he raised his eyebrows. His offer sounded so tempting, I wanted to run away with him, I wanted to start fresh, a whole new life, with Shane. I nodded and forced a smile onto my face. He smiled back and kissed me on the forehead. He was about to get up but I held onto his arm.

"Stay, please" I begged in a hushed tone. He looked un-certain for a second before he gave up and climbed into bed with me, he wrapped his arm around my waist and I fell asleep with my head in the crook of his neck. I think he mumbled something to me before I fell asleep but I was to tired to remember it.

When I woke up, I inhaled deeply and a smell of food filled my nostrils. I looked ot my side to see that Shane wasn't there, so I assumed he was cooking. Standing up, I sorted out my loose t-shirt and shorts before walking out of my room and into the kitchen. Shane said a low good morning as I sat at the small round table in the centre of the room. He placed a plate of waffles in front of me and I began to shovel them into my mouth. I heard him chuckle and I turned to him. "Whoa slow down, it seems like you haven't eaten in days with the way your shoving them in your mouth" he said with another small laugh. I blushed and looked down, trying to eat slower even thought my stomach was protesting. I hadn't eaten properly in the past week, my father didn't like to cook, so the only time I had a real meal was when I went to Caitlyns every Wednesday after school. Thinking of school, I was glad I would be getting out of there soon. I looked up at the clock and saw that it was 7:15. I had 45 minutes to get ready. I finished my last mouth full, threw Shane a small smile and headed back to my room.

Once I had shut the door, I pulled of my night clothes and slipped on an outfit. I slung my limp brown hair into a messy bum, applied a small amount of make-up and walked out with my bag over my shoulder.

I saw Shane on the couch and looked at him. "Im going to school, I'll be back later" I murmured as I turned to leave, but before I could walk out the door he was in front of me, blocking my exit.

"I'll pick you up" he said with a nod. I looked at him before nodding.

"Fine, see you later" I said with a final sigh and left. I had left the apartment a little early because I had more of a walking distance now that I was living with Shane, I would of asked him for a ride but he wasn't even dressed and he takes so long to get ready so that would of made me even more late for school. When I finally got there, I saw Caitlyn sitting at her usual place. Her eyes were on me as I sat at my desk, which was next to hers. I kept my eyes on the teacher, not even glancing at her. She then slipped me a note; I looked down at her scribbled handwriting, reading it.

_How is everything at home, is your dad still hurting you? _

I sighed and wrote my response. ** Im not at home anymore, and yes he was still hurting me. **

I finally turned to look at her when I handed her the note, I watched her expression as she read it, she threw me a confused look as she started to write again. When she was finished she handed it back to me.

_What do you mean your not at home, where are you living? Are staying in a motel or something? I told you that you could come stay with me Mitch. _

I looked at her before writing again. **No im not at a motel and I know you did, but im staying with Shane. **I hesitated with my pen for a second before finishing the note and handing it back to her. From the corner of my eye I saw her eyes widen as she began to respond.

_Shane? As in Shane grey the guy you used to date from camp? What is he doing back here? I thought he lived in New Jersey, what's he doing in LA? _

I sighed as I read her many questions, the last one caught my attention though, what was he doing in LA, I would have to ask him later. **Yes, Shane grey, and I don't know what he is doing back here, he just showed up and now im staying with him, its not a permanent thing, its just until I can find a place of my own. ** I slid it back to here and she just nodded in response. I nodded back then turned my attention back to the teacher, but she didn't get all of my attention, some of it was still wondering why Shane was really back here.

School seemed to drag on and on until finally it was the end of the day and I was rushing outside. I saw him straight away, it wasn't hard to notice him, a lot of the other girls seemed to notice too. He was leaning against his car wearing his usual skin-tight jeans and leather jacket; he had a pair of ray band hanging loosely on the tip of his nose. I walked over to him with my head down avoiding people's stares.

When I reached him he pulled me into his arms. "Hey babe" he whispered huskily into my neck. I couldn't help but let a shiver run down my spine.

"Hey" I managed to choke out as I pulled away from him and got into his car. I saw a smirk pull up on his lips as he walked round to the drivers seat. I rolled my eyes and looked out the window avoiding him as he climbed into the car.

As he began to drive he spoke. "So, how was school?" he asked cheerily. He sounded happier than he did yesterday. I looked at him and I saw that he had a genuine smile on his face.

A confused look crossed my face as I answered. "Erm yeah, it was fine". The conversation didn't really keep going after that; it was just small talks, like how was your day, how are you, blah blah blah. When he stopped outside his apartment I couldn't get out of the car quicker. Jamming the key he gave me into the lock I pushed the door open and ran into my room. I sighed as I dumped my bag on the floor. Why did was he acting like this? One minute he cant even look at me then the next he's flirting? My thoughts were then interrupted by my stomach growling, I had been so dazed the whole day that I hadn't eaten anything in school. I marched into the kitchen and was surprised to see that Shane wasn't in there. As I was making myself a sandwich I heard whispering voices. I walked out into the living room. "Shane?" I said as I saw him with his back turned, he quickly turned around and looked at me, showing a girl in the doorway. I looked at her, she was very petit, she had blonde hair that fell just past her ears, her eyes were a dark brown and she had a very strange look on her face, it was like a forced smile. I looked from the girl to him, asking for a explanation.

"Mitchie, this is my girlfriend, Silvia," he mumbled awkwardly as he introduced us.

**so, how was that? i hope you liked it, and i wonder what mitchie will think about Shane having a girlfriend? well, could i get another 5 reviews before the next chapter? if i do i will love you all :D thanks, **

**Chels x**


	4. Chapter 4

Because of you

Chapter 4

I felt my chest tighten as I walked towards her. "Hello" came my strained voice.

She didn't even bother to shake my outstretched hand, she just looked at me, muttered a hi then turned back to Shane. I rolled my eyes as I I saw her stick her overly glossed lip out and raise her eyebrows at Shane.

"baby" she whined. "Are we still going out tonight?". I felt like laughing at her with the way she was talking. I couldn't believe Shane had gone for someone like her.

He cleared his throat. "Yeah of course, let me just get my jacket" he replied as he ran past me and into his room. I elevated my eyes so I was looking at his girlfriend and all I could see was the smirk plastered across her face. I faked a smile back and all she did was roll her fake crystal blue eyes at me. Shane must be seriously messed up in the head if he really liked this girl. There was awkwardness obvious in the room until Shane ran back in, hastily throwing on his jacket.

"Mitchie, I'll be back in a few hours, don't wait up, there is food in the fridge so make yourself whatever, see you later" he said in a rush as he pulled Sylvia out the door. She threw me a glare before the door closed. When it did I stuck my finger up and turned into the kitchen in a huff. I yanked my phone out my pocket and dialled my best friends number.

"Hey" she said. "Is everything ok? How is it living with Shane grey?" she snickered slightly.

I scoffed and hopped onto the counter. "Not the greatest, he has a girlfriend and im not one to judge but she looks like she should be working for willy wonka"

I heard her laugh and snort slightly. "Are you serious? What was she like?"

I sighed. "I don't know, she just glared at me while Shane got ready, I can tell she hates me already"

"Why would she hate you" Caitlyn asked sounding genuinely confused. It was kind of obvious so I don't know how she hadn't picked up it up.

"Because, im living here with her boyfriend, she obviously thinks im going to try and take him away from her, but trust me, I have no desire in doing that, it just hurts that he didn't even bother telling me he had a girlfriend" I said as I rubbed my arm.

She hummed. "yeah your right, look Mitch, I have to go, my mom wants me to help with dinner, remember, your coming round Wednesday right?"

I nodded to myself. "Of course, see you then"

Flipping my phone shut, I stuffed it back in my pocket and jumped off the counter. Why hadn't he told me he had a girlfriend? Was he trying to hide her from me? I sighed and walked into the living room, falling onto the couch. A thought then danced into my mind, why should I just stay here while Shane went out. No, I was going to go out and have some fun. I can't even remember the last time I had fun. Not since my dad went down hill.

I dashed into my bedroom, pulled off my baggy clothing, slipped on a short black dress that hugged my slim but curvy figure, a pair of black heels that gave me a few extra inches and applied some dark make-up. I curled my lifeless hair into soft waves, then grabbed my purse and left the apartment.

As I walked down the road, my heels making a loud click with every step I took, I earned myself a few wolf whistles and lots of looks. I didn't like it though, I kind of started to regret coming out, but I couldn't go back now, I wasn't going to just sit at his place and mope around. I walked for around 5 minutes until I stumbled across a club. Of course I wasn't old enough but if I hutched my skirt up a little, exposed a little more cleavage, I think I could pass. I walked to the entrance; the bouncer looked me up and down and stepped aside. I threw him a small smile before I dashed inside. As soon as I was safely in the building, I pulled my dress down so it wasn't only just covering my ass and the top half up so my boobs weren't ready to fall out. As I inhaled a strong scent of drink, drugs and sex assaulted my nose. I wrinkled it in disgust and walked over to the bar.

The bar tender looked at me. "What can I get you gorgeous" he said with a smirk. I glared at him. He was one of those bleach blonde guys who look like a swim suite model, shiny and buff. I kind of gagged though when he leant over the counter, his cologne made me want to throw up, not only did he have to much on, it was just horrible.

I turned my face away slightly. "Erm, Vodka and coke please" I said with a small smile. I saw him hesitate before he poured my drink. He probably saw that I didn't look the right age.

As he handed me the drink he had his eyebrow raised. "Are you sure your old enough". I chugged down about half of the glass; I cringed slightly as the liquid flew down my throat, stinging it slightly.

As I looked at him, he didn't look any older than me, maybe 18, so I raised my own eyebrows. "Are you". I saw his face turn to worry as he quickly turned away from me and over to another customer. I smirked and downed the rest of my drink. It seemed to hit me instantly as I began to feel slightly light headed. I just shook it off and was about to walk away when someone started to talk to me.

"Would you like another drink" came a strained voice. I turned around to see Shane with blazing eyes. my own eyes widened as I looked at him. He looked livid, his face was almost red but I couldn't tell but it was so dark. I kind of winced under his glare.

I just shook my head and turned to leave. "No thanks" but before I could get anywhere his hand was gripping tightly onto my arm. I yanked it away from him and looked at him.

He leant closer to my ear so I could hear him. "What are you doing here?" he hissed. I scoffed and looked at him, I could be asking him the same question.

I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms. "What? Am I not allowed out now, I didn't want to just sit at your place alone while you went out" I said as I glared at him. He closed his eyes as his nostrils flared. He started to look around angrily until his eyes fell back onto me.

"Just, go back to the apartment" he quietly hissed into my ear. I scoffed and him before turning and walking onto the dance floor. I tried to loose him in the crowds and eventually I did. I turned around and I couldn't see him in the mass of bodies. I sighed in relief and sat down at a table. As I watched the people move, someone came and sat across from me, I sighed thinking it was Shane and I was about to tell him to leave me alone but it wasn't, it was someone who looked my age, maybe a year older, he had brown swept hair, he was well built but not to muscular and he had piercing green eyes, I think, or that was just the lights. He smiled at me.

he leant across the table. "Is it ok if I sit here?" he asked, yelling over the music. I nodded and smiled. He was actually quite cute. I looked around and when I looked back at him he was right next to me. I kind of moved a way a little and he didn't seem to notice. "What's you name?" he asked.

"Mitchie" I shouted. "What about you?" I asked.

He brushed his fringe out of his face with his hands before answering. "Darren" he said as he flashed a smile. I couldn't help but smile back. He then spoke again, "Can I get you a drink?"

I nodded and followed him as he led the way to the bar, we went around the outside so we wouldn't be crushed by the people dancing. I just hoped I wouldn't run into Shane, I mean, it was a pretty big club but I couldn't be dealing with his lecture.

4 drinks later…

I wasn't drunk but I was tipsy. My eyesight was slightly cloudy but I could still walk, I had been talking to Darren for most of the night, he told me how he had just turned 19 and that he still lived with his parents and from that I cant remember.

He then placed his hand on my back. "Would you like me to drive you home?". I didn't even hesitate; I grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the club. He then led me to his car which was a large rang rover. He helped me climb into the passenger seat, and then he walked around and got into the drivers seat.

I pulled the door shut and turned to him with a smile, I told him where to drop me off and he just nodded. I completely misses him locking all the doors. It took us 10 minutes until we got to the apartment.

I turned to him. "Thanks for the ride and the drinks, it was nice meeting you" I said with a smile. I then turned around to open the door but it was locked. I looked back at him confused. "Erm, the doors locked". He didn't even look at me. He was just staring ahead. I began to panic. Suddenly, his hands were everywhere, my thighs, my waist, my arms and my dress was up around my waist. I then felt myself fly back, so he had obviously lowered the seat. I began to yell and punch his chest but he clamped his hand over my mouth and forced himself on top of me. I closed my eyes as the tears fell. He then smashed his lips onto mine and I yelped in pain. I tried to push him off but he was to strong so I just continued to punch his back with all my strength. Not to long later my underwear was around my knees and pain was everywhere. I gasped against his mouth and my eyes flew open, the tears began to fall at a faster rate as I punched and thrashed with all I had. After a couple minutes I got one of my hands free and punched him in the eye.

He fell back into his seat groaning in pain, I hastily pulled up my underwear and frantically lifted up the lock on the door and ran out, he tried to grab me but I got away quick enough, I heard him speed off in his car as I ran into the apartment. My breathing was coming out in chokes as I sobbed, I could hardly walk but I pushed myself. When I got into the living room I saw Shane sitting there. He looked at me but then did a double take when he saw the state of me. He ran over and put his hands on my shoulder. "What happened?" he whispered. I looked at him for a few moments, thinking weather I should just tell him or not, but I just pushed past him and ran into my room. I collapsed onto the bed and put a pillow between my legs. The pain was excruciating and I kept gasping when I moved.

I cant believe I had just got raped.

**dun dun dunnnnnn. ok, so i hope you like this chapter, i know its a bit drastic and everything so im sorry if you dont like it. thank you to the people that have reviewed :) another 5 ? thanks :) **

**i might not update for a little while because it is my birthday on sunday and i wont be home, but i will make the next chapter even better. **

**chels x**


	5. Chapter 5

Because of you

Chapter 5

I didn't know what to do. I just curled myself into a ball and sobbed. The pain was calming down but it was still there. Why had I even been so stupid as to let him drive me home in the first place? I didn't even know him. Shane was right; I should have gone home. I then heard frantic knocking on my door. "Mitchie? is everything ok?" came a loud worried voice.

I gulped and turned my head so I was looking at the door. I didn't answer him; I just stared. What was I supposed to say? I couldn't tell him, but I didn't want to lie, I had been doing enough of that my whole life. I tried to tune out his voice; I didn't want to face anyone. I felt so disgusting.

I slipped into the en-suite bathroom and switched on the shower. I slipped out of my torn clothes and climbed inside. The hot water felt like it was slashing against my skin. I gasped a few times when it hit a cold part of my back. I just wanted to feel clean again. I then started to cry once more. I hated crying, it showed my weakness, ever since my dad saw me cry and beat me until I was almost broken, I have tried my hardest not too, I don't want someone to hit me. I was lucky no one could see me now. They would laugh in my face, they would feel pity towards me, and that's the last thing I want.

As I sat on my bed with a towel wrapped firmly around me I began to think. I had to get away. I couldn't stay in this town any longer, I had to leave, find a fresh start, somewhere where I can start all over again. I needed to forget everything. I was stupid to think that I could be ok living here; I should have just left straight away.

I waited until 2am to start packing my things. Shane was obviously asleep because I could hear his loud snores through the thin walls. I smiled slightly to myself as I slung all my clothes into the bags I had brought here. I carefully dragged them into the living room. Pulling on my jacket and shoes I took one last look around. I decided to leave a note. I saw on the coffee table a little piece of paper and a pen. I bent down and wrote on it.

Im sorry

I stood up, grabbed my bags and dragged them out; I closed the door gently before I walked as fast as I could out of the apartment building. My thoughts didn't leave Shane though. I honestly thought we could try again. but somewhere deep down I knew things wouldn't be the same and he would forgive me for what I did straight away, but that didn't stop me hoping things would be different. I wanted things to be different, I really did, I wanted us to be the old Mitchie and Shane, the couple people thought were perfect for each other, the couple that were smitten with each other and only each other. Those memories are the ones that haunt me the most. I hated myself for ruining all of that, if I had let him help me, we might still be together now, and he might still love me. I should have told him how I felt when we were together, I always felt like slapping myself when he told me he loved me and I just smiled and said 'you too'. I wanted with everything in me to say it back, I really did, but like I said, I was always scared. My thoughts about Shane were then replaced with school. What was I going to do about that, and where was I going. I hadn't had time to really think about what I was going to do. I didn't have a car. I only had a couple grand in the ban from when my mom died, so I didn't know how I was going to survive for long.

As I sat on the curb for a while things began to fall into place. I was going to go to New York. I had always wanted to go there, and jobs were good there, so I would get a small apartment until I was firmly on my feet. I would also attend a local school there. Now to think about transport. I flicked through my phone searching for someone I could call. Soon I fell upon a name I knew would help me out. They always had. I pressed the green button and waited for them to answer.

"Hello?" he answered in a hoarse voice. I then remembered it was like 2 30 in the morning. A wave of guilt washed over me. I was thinking of hanging up when I realised how much I needed help.

"Is this Nate?" I asked in a whisper. My heart was racing at a million miles an hour. I wonder if he was mad at me for treating his brother the way I did. I hope he wasn't, Nate and me had been close at camp, we were best friends, we were there for each other. I helped him get with Caitlyn but they decided it would be better being friends. Well he did, she was devastated because she really did love him.

"Yes, and whoever this is you are aware that it is 2 am right" he hissed in a low voice. I winced slightly.

I paused before answering, should I really be doing this? I mean, of all people, I was going to Nate, Shane's brother. "It's Mitchie" I whispered back as I closed my eyes. I was actually waiting for him to hang up.

"Mitchie?" he yelled, sounding more awake. I let out a small sigh of relief that he didn't end the call. I just hoped he would actually help me.

"Hey Nate, do you think you could help me?" I asked nervously. I mean, I hadn't seen him in so long either and now I was just asking him to do me a favour. I was being selfish, but I had to get away.

"Of course" he said hastily. "I've missed you Mitch, how have you been" he asked sounding happy.

"We'll talk later" I said. "Could you come pick me up from your brothers bank, I kind of need yo to drive me to the bank then to the airport" I said. My voice was thick with tears. I swallowed again and waited for his answer.

"Sure, I'll be there in ten minutes" he said in a low voice. I muttered a thank you before pressing the end call button. I stared at my screen. It was a picture of Caitlyn and me, back when the smile I had on my face was real and not forced. Caitlyn. What was I going to tell her? I hesitated before I opened a new message on my phone. I spent a few minutes about thinking what to put to her, until I finally decided what to put.

_Bye Caity, im sorry. _

I pressed send and let a few tears fall as a little buzz erupted my phone, informing me that it had been sent. I wanted to write more but I just couldn't bring myself to say anything else. I had let her down so many times and I didn't want to do it again.

Just like he said, Nate got here in the space of ten minutes. I saw a smile creep onto his face as he saw me, I forced him a smile as I stood up. He ran out of the car and engulfed me into his arm. I flinched slightly at how tight he was holding me. he pulled away and looked at me with a bright smile. "It's great to see you Mitch, here I'll get those" he said as he took the bags from me an dumped them into his large car. I smiled a small smile as I saw the curly haired boy climb into the drivers seat; it was good to see him again. I slipped into the passenger seat and kept my gaze on the road. "So, how have you been?" he asked as he stole a quick glance before his eyes were back on the road.

I shrugged. "I've been ok, how about you?" I asked. More guilt. More lies. Why did I keep doing this?

Another smile. "I've been great, everything's great, we just finished our world tour, im glad we have some time off" he said with a little excitement. He then looked at me. "Answer me something" he asked. I nodded and waited for him to speak. "Why did you call me so late and why do you need to go to the airport"

I sighed and waited for a few moments before I answered him. I jumped into the story I had told Shane. As I spoke Nate had pretty much the same reaction as Shane. His face clouded over with horror, his lips parted in shock and he just stared at me, never saying a word. I told him about what happened tonight and his eyes glistened with fury. He asked me who but I lied and told him I didn't know. That was one thing I never wanted to speak about again. that completely shattered my trust for men. But I knew Nate, he would never do that. I knew Shane wouldn't either, but I just couldn't stay here.

"Mitchie, im so sorry, does Shane know?" he asked in a hushed tone.

I sighed. "He knows about everything except for the rape, and its going to stay that way, I don't want him finding out, and I don't want him finding me, so you have to promise not to tell anyone Nate, not even Caitlyn, please" I begged. Tear was already rolling down my cheeks as I spoke. It was like I couldn't control them now.

He sighed gripping onto the steering wheel a little tighter. He closed his eyes for a fraction of a second in thought before answering. "Fine, but why are you running away?"

I shrugged. "It's something im good at" I said in a whisper. In fact, it was probably what I was best a really. I ran away form everything, the people who cared about me, my fears, just everything. And now, im running away from home, to a whole new city. Nate was quiet the ride to the bank and the ride to the airport. Only when we arrived did he speak. "Did you want me to wait with you until you board your plane?" he asked softly.

I nodded. "Yes please" I said as I hopped out of the car. I slung my bags onto a luggage cart and wheeled them into the airport, Nate followed closely behind me. When we got to the main part I looked up at the large boards to see when the next plane to New York was flying out, the next one was in two hours.

After I had booked my flight and everything, Nate and me were sitting down talking. "Why aren't you telling Shane your leaving?" he asked in confusion. I looked at him, my eyes glassy.

"Because" I began "It's easier this way, I've caused him enough trouble, I'll be out of his way for good now, and he can have a nice happy life, with his girlfriend" I managed to choke out the last bit. The thought of Shane with someone else made my chest ache. Nate sighed and looked at me with sorry eyes.

"Did you ever think that Shane might still care about you, like he used to" he said. I looked at him, I had thought about it, but my thoughts were demolished when he introduced me to her. When I shook my head he sighed. "Well he does, he never stopped loving you Mitch, sure he was angry as hell at you but that didn't change how he felt, you should have at least told him"

I shook my head and blinked back the tears. "He doesn't love me Nate, I know he doesn't, please don't lie to me" I pleaded as I closed my eyes. He sighed but nodded not saying another word. As we waited in silence I kept checking my phone. About 30 minutes before I was scheduled to be boarding the plane, I switched off my phone and threw it in the trashcan. Nate looked at me with raised eyebrows but all I did was shrug.

When my flight was finally called I turned to Nate. "Thank you for everything, I'll miss you" I said as I hugged him lightly. He rubbed circles in my back before pulling away and looking at me with a genuine smile.

"Be careful, New York's a big place, don't get lost" he said with an amused smirk. I stifled out a small laugh.

"Good luck with your Music" I said before picking up my carry luggage and walking towards the gates. I turned around just before I went through and gave a small wave to Nate. He waved back before walking out. I took one last look before walking through the gates and into my new life.

**hope you liked this chapter :) sorry i didn't upload when i was supposed to, but here you are. can i get a few reviews before i upload the next part :) and trust me the story gets better, just keep reading. **


	6. Chapter 6

Because of you

Chapter 6

The plane trip seemed like it would never end. I found myself constantly checking my watch to see when we were getting there. I was so eager to get started with my new life. But a huge part of me wanted to beg the pilot to turn back around so I could go and be with Shane again. but I couldn't, and I hated it. I wanted him to love me again, like the way he used to, he wasn't perfect but he was perfect for me, he had insecurities, sure, so did everyone. I wonder if his girlfriend loved him like I do.

Not to soon enough, the plane came to halt. My eye snapped open and I yanked up my hand luggage and fought my way through the crowds of standing people. I managed to get out quicker than expected as I ran into the Airport. After I had gotten my luggage I went outside to call a taxi. As soon as I stepped foot out my face was met with a cold slap of wind. I wasn't in LA anymore. A shiver coursed through me as I wrapped my arms around myself. When I saw a taxi I flicked my hand in the air and they came to a stop right in front of me. The driver got out of the car and helped me dump my luggage in the boot. I gave her a appreciative smile before climbing inside. I was so glad it was a woman.

I didn't know where I was going so I asked her where the cheapest place to rent was. She drove me to downtown New York and stopped outside a bunch of small but pretty apartments. I murmured a thank you as I handed her the money. Once I had pulled my luggage from the car I looked up and stared at the building. Sure it wasn't fancy like a lot of the places in New York but it was good enough to get me started. I dragged my luggage into the building and stopped at the front desk.

"Hello how may I help you?" The man behind the desk cheerily asked. I cringed slightly when he flashed a sickening smile.

I coughed. "Erm, I would like to rent one of your apartments" I said quietly as I looked around. The place wasn't that bad inside either, not very clean in here, hopefully the rooms were a little better.

He looked down at what seemed like a checking book. He nodded his head a few times as he wrote things down. He checked his watch a couple times and when he was finally down he looked up at me with a large smile. "Your apartment is through those doors there," he said pointing towards the door to the right of me. "Here are the keys, you will be obliged to pay rent every month but you will get a letter of warning a week before you have to pay, enjoy" he said as he handed me the keys and went back to his word. I thanked him before walking through the door. I was outside again; I was in an alleyway this time. I looked ahead and saw the number 2 on a wooden door. Great, I have an apartment in an alleyway. I let out a long sigh as I jammed the key into the lock and ripped open the door. I was met by a wave of dust that seemed to assault my nose and cause me to sneeze a couple times. I looked around in disgust. The people before me didn't leave the place in a very god state. Furniture was broken, there were stains on what once looked like a cream carpet but was now a murky grey colour. I couched and brought my things more in the place before shutting the door behind me.

This was going to be a long day.

A few hours later, I had managed to clean up the place mostly. I could fix the broken things though, I would have to replace them when I got more money. I decided to go take a shower then go shopping for some food. I walked into the bathroom, pulled off my baggy clothes and stepped into the now clean shower. Turning on the shower I gasped in shock as the cold water hit my back, I stood completely still for a few moments waiting for it to heat up, I was disappointed when it only heated a little bit so it was barely warm. I then felt myself cry, maybe running away wasn't the best of things. It didn't matter though, it was too late to go back, Shane probably hated me now, I wouldn't blame him, I had left him again.

After my ordeal with the shower I left my hair loose and clipped my straight bangs to the side. I slipped on my shoes and left the apartment. Walking down the streets of New York, I found myself staring around in amazement. Everything was so much bigger than things in LA and everyone seemed to be in such a hurry, al dressed in fancy clothes. It seemed so unfamiliar and I had never felt so out of place, me wearing skinny jeans and a baggy jumper next to some people dressed in fancy suites and elegant dresses. I sighed and kept my head low as I walked into a grocery store.

When I got inside I grabbed a shopping cart and began to scan through the isles to see what I needed. I then hear some one cough behind me. I turned to see a girl that looked maybe a couple years younger than me. "Can I help you?" I asked.

She nodded. "Are you the girl? The one that dated Shane from connect three?" she asked with a glowing smile on her face. I was about to say no and walk away from her but when I saw the look on her face I couldn't.

I sighed and nodded. "Yes that's me, it was a long time ago though" I informed her as I gave her a stern nod. She nodded sadly.

"Oh, well I really admired you, you seemed like such a down to earth girl and when Shane changed for the better because of you, everyone was so happy, I just wanted to say Thank you personally" she said with a smile before running off to what looked like her mom. I found myself standing there like a complete idiot staring after the girl. A small smile tugged at my lips but it didn't last long. It was true, Shane had changed when he started dating me, he became the Shane he once used to be, the sweet and sensitive guy that adored nothing but the sound of Music. But now, I didn't know what he was like, I didn't know if he had changed, but towards me he had, his cold glare would stay with me for a long time, the way his eyes blazed with hurt and fury every time he looked at me.

I hurried through all of the isles before I was done and was rushing back to my place. When I got inside I dumped the shopping bags on the side and slouched onto the almost broken couch. Another thing I had to replace. I had to find a new job and a new school to attend. I pulled my laptop out of my bag and switched it on. Bringing up the internet I searched local school around here. It didn't take long for me to find one.

After I had called up and booked an interview with the head master I closed my laptop and turned on the TV. It stayed fuzzy for a moment before It came clear that It was on a Music Channel. I closed my eyes as I laid my head back, listening to the soft melody of the song. Not to long later a more pop song came on and I didn't even need to open my eyes to know who it was. Connect three. I didn't want to open my eyes because I know what would happen. But I was forced to when I heard the reporter.

"It is being said that connect three had cancelled their first few concerts on tour, sources are claiming Shane Grey is back to his Diva days or is for important reasons, im sure we will find out soon" came a woman's voice. I sighed as a tear fell. I hope to god that he wasn't going back to how he used to be. Maybe it was my fault if he was back to how he was, if it was, I had to fix it. I don't know how I would do it, but I would. Someway.

I turned the TV off and walked over to the phone. I dialled in a number and waited for them to answer. Thank god I memorised it.

"Howdy! This is Jason" came a chirpy voice.

I smiled to myself. I had missed his happy voice. "Hey Jas, it's Mitchie" I said quietly hoping he wouldn't freak out. But It was Jason, of course he was going to freak out.

"Oh my gosh Mitchie its been so long! I have missed you! Where are you? Shane is so worried, we even had to cancel some tour dates because he had refused to play!" he said all in one go. I flinched when I heard the reason. It _was_ my fault. I was the reason for thousands of fans to be pissed and for Shane being mad.

"Jas, look im sorry, but just tell Shane that im fine ok, I will be ok and that I am grateful for what he did for me ok?" I said as I sat down.

"Here, you tell him yourself, bye Mitchie" he said loudly.

My eye widened. "No Jason wait-" I was going to continue but I was cut off by another voice.

"Mitchie" Shane asked in his usually dark voice. I closed my eyes, mesmerised by his melodic voice. I snapped out of it when I heard the edge to his breathing.

I sighed. "Hi Shane, look, im sorry for leaving like that but I just had to get away, start fresh" I said as my voice quivered. When I heard him sigh I felt bad instantly.

"Why did you tell me, we could have started fresh together" he hissed angrily. I felt a shiver run down me. how I wished I could start again with him, but it would be right, we were never meant to be, and he had a girlfriend. "Where are you Mitch?" he asked with a sigh.

I shook my head. "It doesn't matter, I just wanted to make sure you knew why I left, and please, don't go back to how you were, stay the way you are now, your fans love you, don't jeopardise it Shane, good-bye" I said as I hung up. As I hung up the phone I realised I hadn't made the number unknown. I sighed as I pulled the phone from the wall and just sunk to the floor as the sobs overtook my whole body. I didn't think I had ever cried like this before, I couldn't fell anything, my heart beat felt like it was pulsing right in my ears, my thoughts were so foggy and I felt like if I opened my mouth I would scream. So I clamped my hand over it muffling my sobs. Why did saying goodbye always have to be so damn hard.

I didn't want to say good-bye, but what other choice would I have, if I went back I would only hurt him over and over again, and he would hate me even more, and I didn't want that, not anymore. I was done being a disappointment to people.

After a while, I managed to lift myself off of the floor and over to the couch where I fell asleep almost instantly. My dreams were filled with nothing but Shane, my mom and my father. I think I screamed but I didn't wake up, I didn't want to open my eyes. I wondered what my dad was doing. I wonder if he even looked for me, I wonder if he cared that I was actually gone or if he was glad he didn't have to put up with me anymore.

I stood up and walked into my bathroom when I couldn't sleep properly. I pulled open one of the draws and took something out. As I stared at the item I ran over in my mind what I was about to do. I placed the object against my arm and dragged it across. I gasped slightly at the sudden sting and dropped the thing. I watched the blood drip from my arm and oddly, I felt like the blood running from my arm was all my worries, and I felt, better. I then picked it up and did it again. I let out a breath.

Why hadn't I don't this before?

**Uh-Oh Mitchie has started cutting. do you think she will continue doing it? tell me what you think, reviews please :) it was kind of a boring chapter but it gets better. thanks for reading :) **


	7. Chapter 7

Because of you

Chapter 7

**4 weeks later…. **

It was a few days after I had just turned 18. I hadn't spent it alone though. My two co-workers had come over and we had had a few to drink and watched a bunch of movies while scoffing down an Indian. It wasn't all that bad really, but I couldn't escape the feeling of longing to be with the one I loved. Sighing, I got up and got ready for work.

Slamming the door of my car shut, I trudged into the local coffee shop. As soon as I was in the shop I was thrown my apron. I turned to see who had chucked the garment and I was met with the very furious face of my boss. I winced slightly as I picked the item up off the floor and wrapped it around my small waist.

"You're late" my boss hissed as he glared at me. I fought against rolling my eyes so I just muttered a sorry before walking into the back. I was met with large grins from my two co-workers, I threw them a small smile as I walked over to the coffee machine and got it up and running.

When I turned back around Trish was lighting up a cigarette. She saw me looking and extended the pack towards me. "Want one?" she asked as she held her own in the corner of her mouth. I hesitated for a few seconds before taking one and her lighter. As soon as it was lit I took a long drag, I felt myself suddenly calm down slightly, I closed my eyes as I blew the smoke out. I heard a small cough and turned to my second co-worker, a small girl, Amy. She gave me an apologetic smile.

I laughed and flicked the access ash into the tray. I turned to Trish. "Why does he always have to be such an ass to me?" I muttered as I averted my eyes to our boss who was slumped against the counter watching the door. She shrugged and took another drag.

"He's always an ass to new workers, he likes to get them in line, show then who's in charge" she snickered. I scoffed as I puffed on my cigarette. When I was done I flicked into the tray and blew out the remainder of the smoke. I walked out into the main area of the shop and looked around the place. A few people were sitting down reading the paper while drinking their coffees. I sighed and pulled a note pad out of my apron.

I had gotten this job about a week ago and I was already sick of it. I mean, the people here weren't bad, and I liked being out of the apartment, it was just, the boss was a complete dick and I swear he hated me. I was brought out of my thoughts when someone spoke.

"How are you today Mitchie?" came Amy's gentle voice. I looked at her; she was loading money into the till and switching them around. She had just turned 20, She had long blonde wavy hair that fell way past her shoulders, her eyes were a marvellous green and she was no taller 5ft 2.

I slapped on a fake smile as I looked at her. "Im fine thanks, how about you, still with your ass hole boyfriend" I asked. She winced slightly at my comment and I instantly regretted it. "Amy I-" I began but she cut me off by raising her hand and giving me a watery smile.

"It's fine," she said as she walked back out back. I sighed and ran my hands through my hair. I then felt a hand on my shoulder. I spun around to see Trish.

"Don't worry, she's just sensitive, she doesn't like people talking about Braden, she knows he's bad for her but she just wont leave the bastard, she loves him too much" Trish said with a sigh. I nodded and turned my attention to the back, wondering how Amy was.

Trish ran her hands through her glossy black hair as she took someone's order. I didn't know she worked here to be honest; she really could be a model or something. She was about 5ft 10, long lean legs that anyone would kill for, her eyes were a chocolate brown colour and she never stopped smiling. She had some nasty habits though. She smoked, she drunk a lot and she had a past with drugs, but she had a heart of gold. She and Amy were the closet I had to friends.

It wasn't all that busy through out the day and I only had to take a few orders. When I was done, the three of us all went back to Amy's apartment for a takeaway. When we got there, I collapsed onto her couch as Trish poured us some wine. I looked over at Amy who was looking very antsy.

I sighed. "Look Amy im really sorry if I upset you earlier" I said. "I didn't mean to say that, I bet Braden's a good guy" I lied. Who was I kidding; of course he wasn't a good guy. He treated Amy like shit, he was constantly borrowing money off her, he was a slob and he just came and went whenever he liked.

She laughed harshly. "You were right," she said in her small voice. I looked at her confused. She agreed with me that her boyfriend was an ass. Trish came back in, handing us our foods on a tray and our glasses of wine. I watched as a sad smile placed itself on her lips as she took the glass from Trish.

"What do you mean?" I asked as I took a sip of my drink. Trish looked at me curious. I mouthed Braden and she just rolled her eyes and made a gagging expression before sipping on her drink, as she shovelled a mouthful of Chinese in her mouth. I laughed slightly as some drink dripped down her chin, but then I turned my attention back to Amy.

She lifted the glass to her crimson lips as she took a large swig. "You were right, he is a dick, and I don't know why im with him, I guess I just don't like being alone" she said as she shrugged.

I felt my chest tighten. "Amy, you shouldn't stay with him out of fear of being alone, look at me, im alone and im fine" I said as I plastered on my usual fake smile. But I was far from fine. I felt myself getting closer and closer to the edge of loosing my sanity.

Amy shrugged and Trish snickered. "So Chels, why don't you have a man in your life, your young, your beautiful, what gives?" she asked as she looked at me with a smirk on her small lips. I swallowed harshly as I felt a lump form in my throat.

I stared at her for s few moments. What could I tell her? Oh yeah, I did have a boyfriend, but when my mom died I dumped him, my dad also began to beat me so I didn't want to see him, that's why. No, I couldn't say that, they would think I was messed up. Well, you could say I was, but they didn't have to know that.

I swished my drink around, not making eye contact with them. I shrugged. "Men are to much hassle," I said with a fake smile.

Trish raised her glass in the air and nodded. "Cheers to that, last boyfriend I had was to clingy, constantly touching me, wanted a cuddle, and when we had sex, god im not even going to go into that" she said with a cringe. Trish was 22 and never afraid to talk about her love life, which seemed to be very active. I looked at Amy who was blushing furiously, I laughed and gently slapped my thigh.

"Im glad you didn't" Amy said with a cute smile. I giggled as I covered my mouth. Trish winked and nudged Amy in the ribs, making her cheeks go even redder.

"Leave the poor girl alone" I said as I threw then moth an amused look. Nights like these made me feel better. I could forget everything for a few hours before I had to go home and face the silence and my thoughts alone. Thoughts of only Shane, my dad and my mom. They were painful thoughts that made me want to crawl in my bed and never emerge. The only thing I had to comfort me was my trusty pal, razor. Ever since the first time that piece of metal touched my skin I haven't been able to stop. But I haven't done It in almost a week though, ever since Trish got me onto cigarettes. They released my stress just as much as cutting.

But when things got really bad, I would slip the blade across my skin as a cigarette dangled from my lips. I was a train wreck you could say.

When I got home, I yanked open my door, threw my purse on the side and walked into the kitchen. Flicking on the light I saw that my phone was flashing. I forgot I had left it at home. I quickly dashed over to it and answered.

"Hello?" I asked as I fumbled with my purse, trying to get my packet of cigarettes out. I let out a long sigh as the bag dropped to the floor.

"Mitchie" came Amy's teary voice. "Do you think I could stay at yours for the night" she chocked out. My eyes widened when I heard her gentle sobs on the other line.

"Of course" I said quickly as I tried to tidy up a little. "What's wrong, has something happened with you and Braden?" I questioned. I sure hope he hasn't hurt her or anything.

She let out a sharp breath. "I gave him the night to pack his stuff and get out, he was cheating" she said as she let out a humourless laugh. "I should have seen it coming, how could I have been so stupid" she yelled at herself.

I shook my head. "It is not your fault, he is a dick" I said. "Did you want me to come pick you up or are you ok to get here on your own?" I asked worriedly.

She sighed. "I'll be fine, I'll see you soon, thanks Mitch" she said gratefully. I was about to speak when I heard the long dial tone, indicating she had hung up. I sighed and threw my phone on the side. I picked up my bag and took out the cigarette I so desperately needed right now. I didn't know how I was going to deal with a crying girl all night; I could barely handle my own tears. But she needed someone to be there for her, and I was going to be.

As soon as I heard a knock of the door, I swung it open and Amy fell into my arms, sobbing hard into my shoulder. I pulled her inside, shutting the door and walking her over to the couch. We sat down and she looked at me with her glistening green eyes. "What's wrong with me? Why did he have to cheat?" she croaked. Her face twisted in agony.

I sighed. "There is nothing wrong with you, he was stupid enough to cheat, you deserve better" I said, trying to soothe her pain. But all she did was cry harder. I rubbed her back and pulled back slightly. "Look, I have ice cream in the freezer, we are going to stuff our faces, you are going to cry about him, then tomorrow, your going to show the world you are better off without that bastard" I said with a nod as I got up and walked into the kitchen. I took the tub of ice cream out of the freezer. Grabbed two spoons and walked back into the living room.

I sat down and placed the tub between us both. She threw me a smile began sticking the spoon in and scoffing her face with the vanilla substance. I smiled at her as I saw her eyes twinkle with delight.

The next morning, we walked into work arm in arm. I gave her a pat on the back as I walked in the back. She went over to the tables and began to wipe them down. I saw Trish and leant closer to her ear. "Be gentle with Amy, her and Braden broke up last night"

Trish spun around and looked at me with wide eyes. "What happened?" she asked as she looked at Amy clearing the tables with a sad look on her face.

I sighed and shook my head. "He was cheating on her, she kicked him out last night and she came to mine" I looked over at her then to Trish. "She was a wreck, kind of reminds me of how I-" I began to say only to stop short when I realised what I was about to say. Trish didn't seem to notice though as she watched Amy with hawk eyes.

When the customers started to pile in I walked up to the counter and pulled out my pad. "What can I get you?"

"Hello Mitchie"

My head snapped up and I felt my whole body tense. My lips parted as I looked at the person. One word escaping my lips.

"Shit"

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	8. Chapter 8

Because of you

Chapter 8

"_Hello Mitchie" _

_My head snapped up and I felt my whole body tense. My lips parted as I looked at the person. One word escaping my lips. _

"_Shit_"

As I watched a smirk crawl onto her skin I fought the urge to roll my eyes. But then I realised how serious this situation was. It was Sylvia. Shane's girlfriend. I was screwed. She folded her arms over her perfectly formed chest and tapped her fingers while she watched me. she was enjoying this.

"It's so nice to see you" she said sarcastically as she placed her hand over her heart. This time I did roll my eyes. It took everything not to pounce at her as she smirked again, what the hell did Shane see in this bitch. He used to have taste. Obviously not anymore.

"What are you doing here?" I questioned as my eyes narrowed. She obviously wasn't just here for a little trip. My voice was merely a whisper as I felt my voice thicken with the tears I was trying so hard not to let drop.

She smiled evilly. "Didn't you hear? The boys are on tour here and im with them, there just out there signing autographs, they should be in here any minute" she said as she licked her lips. My eyes widened and I felt my heart pick pace. Oh god they were going to see me, Shane was going to see me.

She leaned across the counter with a devilish smile. "I know Shane is so _excited _to see you". Her mouth twitched telling me that she was fighting the urge to laugh.

I knew what she meant. He wasn't excited to see me, He was angry at me, furious, she would love seeing him scream and shout at me, she would have great joy at seeing me cry over him. I sighed, calming myself. What was I going to do? I couldn't stay here. I couldn't face him, not now, not after everything I had done to him. He no doubt hated me now. And once again, he had every damn right too.

"I have to go," I muttered as I rushed out back. My heart felt like it was in my throat and I had a sudden rush of nausea, I clutched my stomach and I staggered over to Trish.

Trish looked at me in alarm as I skidded to a halt. "Whoa what's wrong?" she asked as she placed her hands on my shoulders, her eyes scanning my face looking for an answer.

I shook my head. "I have to go, could you cover for me please?" I begged as I looked at her with watery eyes.

She looked almost frightened. "Mitchie, what's going on?" she asked me, dragging out every word painfully slow, I needed to get out of here and I didn't have time to explain, not now, maybe not ever.

I sighed and shook my head. "I'll explain another time ok, just cover for me please, say I was sick and couldn't stay here because I don't know, erm, the smell of coffee set me off! Yeah say that, ok see you tomorrow" I said all in one go as I ripped off my apron, grabbed my bag and dashed out of the back.

But of course with my luck, I didn't go unnoticed. She had of course told him I was here because he was standing a few feet in front of me. The way he was looking at me made me want to sink into the ground. The pain in his eyes made me flood with guilt. I had caused this. He looked so different as well, his usually neat sexy hair was a mess, strands were sticking to his forehead. His face seemed pale compared to his normally tanned self. And the hatred so obviously written on his face. It was unbearable.

I just turned around and started walking away as fast as I could manage. But that didn't stop him following. I was thankful that paparazzi weren't around. They would have made such a story out of this. I shook away my thoughts and concentrated on my feet. I didn't dare turn around because I was afraid that I would stop if I did. And I didn't want that.

Before I could run into my apartment Shane grabbed my arm, preventing me from going anywhere. "Stop running" he said in a husky voice. This time I met his eyes as I saw the wetness of them. He could not be crying, I felt a sudden rush of hate towards myself, those beautiful eyes should not be crying. And it should not be because of me, I had caused enough pain to people and I wanted it to stop, but it seemed that pain seemed to be everywhere around me.

I shivered and turned my head because I knew if looked into his eyes I would break down. I just pulled my arm out of his grip and opened my door. I left it open for him to come in and he did, but he hesitated at first, watching after me. as I heard the door shut I closed my eyes and waited for him to approach. When he did I sucked in a breath as I felt his cold hands touch my shoulders. I then walked away and over to my couch where he closely followed behind me.

As I finally looked into his eyes, I saw nothing but agony and anger.

He let out an exasperated breath as he ran his hands over his face. "Do you have any idea what you do to me Mitchie" he whispered through his teeth. I swallowed back my tears as I looked at his flushed face. When I didn't answer he spoke again. "You drive me fucking crazy, im loosing my mind," he said as he shook his head. I blinked and watched as he stood up and began to pace the room. "Why would you leave like that? I was worried sick, I thought the worst, I thought your dad had-" he stopped before he finished. To be honest he didn't need to finish because I knew what he was going to say. He was going to say he thought my dad killed me. It was understandable. He sighed again this time louder. "Why would you leave like that Mitch? What did I do?" he had never sounded so venerable and I couldn't help but wince and let a few tears fall.

"You didn't do anything," I whispered as the tears that I had been so desperately trying to keep away fell. Fast.

"Then why did you leave!" he yelled. And as I looked at him I saw tears running down his cheeks. His eyes were like a childs when they found out that santa wasn't real. Cold and distant. I wanted to rush up to him and kiss away his tears.

But all I did was bow my head. "I couldn't do it anymore" I said in a hushed tone. Tears were now flowing down my face at an alarming rate. I felt the urge to have a cigarette but Shane hated smoking so I pushed it to the side.

"Couldn't do what?" he yelled again. I winced at his voice. It reminded me of my fathers when he would scream at me, but it wasn't as bad and I knew he would never hurt me so that calmed me slightly.

I then felt a rush of anger. "Everything Shane! I couldn't take life there anymore, I had to get away from it all, everything reminded me of home and I hated that!" I screamed as I stood up and got in his face, my cheats was heaving as I my breaths were coming out slow and deep. His eyes softened slightly as he sighed.

"Im sorry Mitchie" he whispered as he lowered his head. I felt my feet drag me forward a little more until I was right in front of him. I touched his arm and his head snapped up so his eyes locked with mine. They were wide for a second before they softened. "Im sorry" he repeated.

I shook my head and sighed. "It's not your fault," I murmured. "I just couldn't stay there Shane, I had to start fresh" I informed him. He nodded and sat down, pulling me onto his lap. I fidgeted slightly; I felt my cheeks flush with colour as he traced circles on my back as she watched me.

"We could have started fresh together" he said softly as he brushed his finger down my face but then he snapped it back and gently pushed me from his lap. I watched him carefully as he turned away from me and walked into the kitchen. I slowly stood up and followed him. he was breathing deeply and clutching onto the kitchen counter. "I promised myself," he said as he laughed with no humour.

I touched his back and I felt him tense so I pulled away. "What are you talking about?" I asked confused. He looked so upset. I wanted to know what he was talking about.

He turned around and looked at me with watering eyes. "I promised myself I wouldn't fall for you again," he said simply as his eyes burned with something, but I wasn't sure. I didn't know if it was love or hate. I felt my heart pick up again. Did he mean that he still loved me or that he had started to love me again? I hoped he had but in a way, I didn't want him to.

"And now?" I questioned as I watched his reaction. He stood there motionless for a few moments. He sighed and leant against the counter with his arms crossed. He sighed over and over again but it took him several minutes to talk.

He shook his head. "I broke my promise" he said as he looked at me with a lopsided grin. I smiled back slightly as my eyes clouded with tears, this time they were from happiness. But then my smile disappeared as one thought crossed my mind. Sylvia. I sighed and backed away slightly. He watched me with confusion and curiosity. "What's wrong?" he asked as he came towards me.

I held my hand up. "You have a girlfriend Shane, you should just stay with her, she probably makes you happier than I ever could" I said as I bit down on my lip. When I heard his soft chuckle I looked up at him confused. I thought he was going to tell me that I had got it all wrong, that he didn't really love me. I braced myself.

He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around my small waist. "Mitch, you drive me insane, your unstable, you have issues, you infuriate me and you make me want to rip my hair out" he said. I listened to him and nodded my head in sadness. He lifted my chin. "But I love you anyway"

I felt excitement over power every emotion that I was feeling. I threw my arms around his neck and nuzzled into the crook of his neck. "I love you Shane" I whispered as I pressed my lips to his neck softly. I actually felt the happiness flood through me.

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	9. Chapter 9

Because of you

Chapter 9

I hadn't realised I had fallen asleep until I opened my eyes and saw the sun shining through my murky windows. Stretching my arms I sat up slowly and looked around my room as thoughts of last night flooded back to mind. I smiled to myself as pulled myself from my bed and walked over to my bedroom door. I stopped when I heard voices outside.

Pressing my ear against the door I listened closely.

"Shane listen to me, she isn't right for you!" came a shrieking females voice. I recognised it instantly. Sylvia. I scowled as I continued to listen. I knew she was talking to Shane, trying to get him to come back to her, I was expecting him to tell her to leave, but what he said made me wince.

"Im listening" he said slowly. Why would he listen to her giving him reasons why he shouldn't be with me? After everything that happened last night, he knew I loved him, and I thought he loved me. He wouldn't believe what she was about to say though, well, I hoped he didn't.

I could tell she had a smirk on her face now. "She cheated on you Shane" she said quietly. My jaw dropped. I _cheated _on him? She had really said that! I had never cheated on him. I had never cheated on anyone. I wasn't like that. And Shane knew that.

"With who?" he hissed. Clearly he didn't know that. I felt my heart drop. He believed the lies that escaped her mouth. He really thought I had cheated on him.

"With Jason" She said devilishly. "When you guys were dating at camp". I couldn't believe my ears. Jason? Of all people, my best friend, and Shane's brother, _Jason?_

This was when I burst through the doors. Both sets of eyes darted towards me. I clenched my fists as I threw a death glare over at Sylvia. "Get out" I hissed. Shane's eyes turned away from me, like he was ashamed to look at me, my eyes fell to my feet.

She smirked then turned to Shane. "Think about what I said, you know its true" she lied through her teeth as she flipped her blonde hair over her shoulder and strutted out, slamming the door behind her. I turned to face Shane. He wasn't looking at me; his gaze was fixed to the blank wall. His jaw was clenched as he had his arms crossed firmly against his chest. I took a cautious step forward only for him to take a step back.

"Shane" I whispered as I placed my hand on his arm, but he yanked it away and his eyes sprang forward to me. I cringed as the look in his eyes reminded me of my fathers.

"You cheated on me" he hissed with a pin filled look. Tears doubled behind my eyes as I looked at him in disbelief. I couldn't bring myself to speak. There was a lump forming in my throat as I saw as his eyes watched me angrily waiting for an answer. He shook his head and sighed. "Im leaving" he said finally as he slung on his Jacket.

"Shane please, it's not true," I croaked as tears spilled down my cheeks. He turned to me one last time, throwing me a glance before walking out the door. "Shane!" I screamed as I ran over to the door, ripping it open trying to see him. I caught the top of his head before he disappeared down the stairs. "Please" I whispered as I slumped down my doorframe, keeping my eyes on the stairs. I felt a strong urge to run after him but I knew it wouldn't make a difference, if he wouldn't believe me now, he wouldn't believe me if I ran after him. so I just sat there, crying, wishing he would come running back up the stairs. But I knew he wouldn't. I was also angry at him as well, how could he believe her, over me? and about Jason? I would never cheat on him, let alone with Jason. One, because he is one of my closest friends, Two, I could never think of him that way, and Three, he is his brother and I would never sink so low as to doing that.

Stupid Bitch had to ruin everything didn't she.

I flipped up my phone and dialled Trish's number. Waiting for her to answer, I tried to calm down my crying so she could understand me. I slowly brought myself back into my apartment as hastily dug through my purse, pulling out a cigarette and lighter.

She answered. "Hey Mitch" she said happily as I heard her giggle. I heard a throaty laugh in the background so I knew she was with a guy. I closed my eyes as I thought of Shane. I then felt bad that I had interrupted her and whomever she was with.

"Trish, are you busy?" I chocked out as I sniffed a loud unattractive sniff. I felt another sob shake through my body as I pulled the phone away from me so she wouldn't hear. I covered my mouth to stop the loud cries. After about a minute I put the phone back to my ear.

"Mitchie? Are you there? What's wrong?" she asked quickly as i let out a small whimper. I didn't reply so she spoke again. "Ok im coming over, stay there, I'll be over in a minute" she said quickly as I heard the line go dead. I dropped the phone and shakily lit my cigarette and brought it to my dry lips. Taking a long drag, I closed my eyes waiting for the nicotine to hit me and make me feel a little more relaxed, but it didn't, it didn't change a thing. I kept puffing on the cigarette, hoping I would calm a little but when I got down to the end I flicked into the astray frustrated.

I wiped away my tears and clamped my hands over my face. How could things turn so sour so quickly? We were starting over, starting fresh, but obviously that couldn't work out. Nothing ever went right with me. The only good thing is that my dad hadn't found out where I had gone. If he had, I don't know what I would do. Leave the country maybe. That seemed like a good idea now. But I didn't want to keep running, I had done to much of it. I needed to face everything, deal with it all, no just leave it and hide away from it all. When the doorbell ran I pounced up and tore it open, falling into Trisha's arms instantly.

She led me back into the apartment and onto my couch, rubbing my back and trying to calm me. She didn't ask me what's wrong, she just held me like any good friend would. I was glad she didn't asked, I really didn't want to tell her everything from my past and what really happened between me and Shane. Not yet, I wasn't ready for that. I spent the next hour crying into her shoulder while she stroked my wild brown hair. I lifted my head and gave her an appreciative smile.

"Thank you" I whispered as I placed my hand on her arm. She patted my hand and walked into my kitchen, coming back out with two glasses of wine. I laughed slightly and took it from her hand.

She sat back down at looked at me with worried eyes. "Are you ready to tell me what's wrong?" she asked slowly. I shook my head and she nodded. "It's fine, whenever your ready, you can tell me, im always here to help" she said with an encouraging smile. I smiled back and clicked my glass with hers. I downed the drink very quickly, hoping it would numb the pain. But of course it didn't. Just then Trisha's phone began to ring. She placed her glass on my coffee table and answered. "Hey babe, are you sure, ok, I'll be there soon, bye" she said into the phone before hanging up. She turned to me. "Mitch, im sorry but I have to get back home, are you going to be ok? If you need me just call ok?" she said. I nodded and watched as she walked out the door.

And I was alone again, alone with nothing but my thoughts. Thoughts of only Shane, and what could have been if he just believed me. my phone then rang also. I answered without looking at the caller ID. "Hello?" I croaked.

"Mitchie, what is going on? Why does Shane think me and you had something going on in camp?" Came Jason's confused voice. I sighed and rubbed my temple.

"Sylvia told him that I cheated on him with you" I said thickly. I could feel the tears stinging my eyes again.

I heard Jason scoff. "I never liked that girl, why would she say something so stupid" he said angrily.

I laughed harshly. "Because she didn't want me to be with Shane, so she made up that we had a thing back in camp" I shook my head as I spoke the words. This was all stupid.

He let out a long breath. "But why me? now Shane wont talk to me, or even look at me" he said loudly.

I sniffed. "Because you're a close friend, and his Brother, she knew It would tick Shane off, and you know how he has trust issues, that's why he believes her, and probably because of al the things I have done to him, he just thinks it sounds like something I would do" I said quietly.

"But you would never cheat on him, he should know that" he said sternly. I sighed again. Everything he was saying was true, Shane should have trusted me, I trusted him, well, he was the only person I trusted. Along with him and his brothers. I lost all trust in men after my father, but I could never loose trust in the three most important people in my life. I turned my head, facing the bathroom. I then remembered something.

"Jason, just try and tell him that nothing happened between us, I have to go, I'll speak to you soon" I said dazed as I hung up. I dropped my phone and began to walk to the bathroom. Ripping open the draw I pulled out my razor. I hadn't cut in a while and I was trying to stop, but right now, I needed it. Placing it against my arm, I slowly drug it across, I winced in pain at first but then the pain went and I couldn't feel anything, just the blood pulsing through the gash in my arm. Another line, another and another. Until I had two gashes on each arm. I let out a whimper as I stared at both arms. No wonder Shane didn't want to be with me, I was a mess. I brought a towel to my wrists and pressed them together against the towel. A sob then ripped through me. I have tried so hard to forget everything and move on, but it all seems to come back whenever something goes wrong. I cant ever escape my past.

When the blood on my arms had dried a little bit, I dialled someone's number. Someone I needed more than anything. As I dialled it a small smile formed on my lips. I waited impatiently tapping my fingers waiting for her to answer.

"Hello?" came her sweet voice. I missed her so much, I needed her more than ever now. She was there for me through everything, I shouldn't have left without telling her. She deserved more than that.

"Hey Caity" I whispered through my tears. I heard her soft gasp as I heard her choke on the other line, making me cry even more.

"Mitchie?" She breathed as I heard the excitement in her voice. I laughed and nodded to myself. How I had missed her bubbly voice, it always seemed to put a smile on my face. Now all I needed was to see her.

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	10. Chapter 10

Because of You

Chapter 10

Cigarette after cigarette, I kept my eyes fixed to the door. I was waiting for my best friend to show up, or was I waiting for Shane. I didn't even know anymore. I needed them both right now, but I needed my best friend more because of Shane. It had been two days since Shane had walked out, two days filled with binge drinking and chain smoking. I was a mess, and my appearance was just as worse. My usually straight hair was wild and greasy, I was still in my PJ's and my eyes were blood shot and sunken. I needed to stop this. is wasn't healthy. I stood up slowly and walked over to the trashcan. As I stared at the lid, I slowly lifted it up and held the pack of 10 over it. Hovering for a second I finally let go and slammed the lid shut. I let out a long sigh as I walked into the bathroom. As I looked in the mirror I felt nothing but disgust, I looked worse than I thought. Why couldn't I be pretty enough? Why did Sylvia have to be so beautiful?

After I had cleaned myself up I slumped back into the chair where I had been sitting for the past two days. Letting out a painfully long sigh my eyes fell upon my wooden door. What felt like hours later, the doorbell finally rang. Ripping myself from the seat I sprinted to the door and yanked it open, throwing my arms around Caitlyns neck.

"God I've missed you" I said as I squeezed her tightly. He soft brown curls ticked my nose and I buried my face into her shoulder. I hadn't seen her in over month or spoken to her, and I knew I had some serious explaining to do.

She laughed. "I've missed you to Mitch" she said as she patted my back. "But could you ease up a little, your crushing me"

I pulled away with a sheepish grin. "Sorry, im just so happy to see you" I said as I pulled her into another hug, this time softer and shorter.

She smiled back and looked around. "This is cute" her eyes then fell back on me. "Where's the boys?" she asked. I sighed, they had left yesterday, Nate and Jason had came to say good-bye, but Shane hadn't, the boys said it was because he was very tired and needed his rest, but their eyes gave it away as they looked at me with sorry eyes. He hated me.

"They left for Boston yesterday, Nate told me to tell you that he loves you and that he will call you as soon as he can" I said with a smile. My smile increased when I saw a small blush take over her cheeks and a golden smile dance across her lips. Her and Nate had been dating ever since camp last summer, they were the most in-love couple you could ever see, but yet they were so private about it. The media had no idea as they made sure no one saw when they went on one of their dates, Nate knew the perfect places to go if you didn't want to be seen.

Her smile then dropped. "Back to why I came" she said sternly as she sat down on my worn leather couches. "What happened? Why did you leave so suddenly, without a good-bye" she asked. I winced as I saw the pain in her eyes. I had hurt her; I knew that.

I clasped my hands together as I sat down opposite her. "I couldn't handle my dad anymore, I needed to get away, I needed to start fresh, I didn't want to keep living in constant fear" I sniffled loudly as I wiped away the tears that were falling with the back of my hand. I heard her soft sigh as she came and sat next to me, loosely draping her arm over my shoulder.

"Mitchie, what you did was for the best, I know that, I just wish you would have told me, I would have come with you so you wouldn't have to go through it alone" she soothed as she poked my shoulder.

I cracked a small smile. "I should have told you I know, but you know how terrible I am at goodbyes" I mused. "But I couldn't make you leave your family, that's why I didn't tell you"

She laughed with surprised me a little. "Mitch, you are my family as well, I would have come with you without a second thought" she said reassuringly.

I nodded. I knew she would have and that's why I didn't tell her, she had so much to live for back in LA, me, not so much, I used to have dreams, but they went with my mom. But Caitlyn, she could go places, she was talented, she could make bad music good with her mad producing skills.

She then sighed again. "Ok, onto something else" she said. I knew what was coming. I didn't want to hear it though, but how could I tell her that. I couldn't forbid her from talking about him, that would be stupid, but I just didn't want to hear his name right now. It was to hard. "Shane" she whispered as she looked at me. the familiar pain in my chest shot through me again. I squeezed my eyes shut as the tears I had been trying to hold back fell.

"He hates me" I chocked out as I opened my eyes and looked at her. As I saw confusion cross her face I decided to enlighten her on the events that happened two days ago. "Sylvia told Shane I cheated on him with Jason "

"You did what?" she screeched as she ripped her arm away from me. "Mitchie how could you"

I looked at her in alarm. "Caitlyn Chill, she was lying, I would never cheat on Shane, let alone with Jason, he's like my brother" I looked at her. "How could you even think that?"

She shook her head. "Im sorry, its just you said cheat and Jason I kind of freaked out" she then re-took the spot next to me. "Why would she do that then? And did he believe her?" she asked. I laughed harshly as I threw my head down.

"Oh he believed her" I hissed as I dug my nails into my palm, almost drawing blood. "He stormed out of here without even giving me a chance to speak" I looked up at her with glistening eyes. "He's never looked so angry Caity, he really believed that I would do that"

she shook her head in disbelief. "He's an idiot" she said simply. "If he's stupid enough to believe that bottle blonde bitch over someone who has been there for him through a lot, then screw him, your going to find yourself a great guy and forget out him" she said as she stood up and placed her hands on her hips.

"OK" I said slightly un-certain. I didn't want to move onto another guy thought, a large part of me just wanted to wait until Shane came around and realised that he was wrong for believing Sylvia over me. But that wouldn't happen at this rate and I deserved to be happy, even if it wasn't with Shane.

"We're going out tonight!" she declared as she pulled me off of the couch and pushed me into my small bedroom. I groaned, I was in no mood to go to a night club filled with sweaty bodies and greasy half-drunk guys.

"Caitlyn, im not really in the mood to go out" I offered as I looked at her, hoping she would reconsider. But by the look in her eye i could tell she was not going to back down. I sighed and let her lead to me to my wardrobe, where she picked out a small black dress that hugged every curve on my body and A pair of black stiletto heels and some statement jewellery. She unzipped her suitcase and pulled out a neon pink strapless dress with white heels. She always liked to stand out when she was in a crowd, I laughed at her excited expression as she saw me walk to the bathroom, dress in hand.

"We're going to have to invite Trish and Amy, Trish is the one that can get us the drinks," I said. She nodded eagerly as she shooed me away so she could get dressed. I laughed slightly and walked into the cramped bathroom. Pulling of my baggy clothing I slipped on the figure hugging dress and looked in the mirror, I thought I looked pretty good. After I had done my make-up and straightened my hair, I walked out to see Caitlyn slipping on her high white heels. She looked at me with a childish grin.

"You look Amazing Mitchie!" she squealed and she stumbled over to me, she blushed slightly in embarrassment as she fell to the side a little. "Im getting used to them, they're new" she informed me, looking down at her shoes.

I chuckled. "You look great Caity, now let me just call Trish" I said as I skipped over to my bed and dialled in her number. She answered almost instantly.

"Hello?" she said sounding a little odd. I then realised she had a mouth full of food, I rolled my eyes in a amusement, typical Trish.

"hey Trish, it's me" I said quietly. I felt bad that I hadn't spoke to her in days as I had been ignoring her, I hadn't even been to work, but they didn't mind, they said I could come back whenever I was ready, just so long as it was before the week ended.

I heard her swallow loudly and then her mutter a small 'ouch' before answering. "Mitchie! How have you been, is everything ok?" she asked quickly. I sighed; I wasn't going to lie to her.

"I've been better," I answered honestly. "But I wasn't calling to discuss my misery, I have a friend form back home over and we're going out and-" before I could finish she was already talking over me.

"Say no more, me and Amy will be over in 1 hour" she said happily as she hung up, Trish never passed up the opportunity to go out, she was a partier, where as me, I was more of a stay at home watch movies type. That's why I hung out with Amy a little more than Trish, I couldn't seem to keep up with her.

"So, is she coming?" Caitlyn asked as she applied the last pieces of her jewellery. She dashed around the room, stuffing everything she needed in her purse, only to take it all out again when nothing seemed to fit.

I nodded. "Yes, her and Amy will be over in an hour" I said.

"An hour?" she yelled. She then looked down at herself. "Im ready and now I have to wait an hour before we can leave, you know what, we'll just get them to meet us there" she said sternly.

"But-" but it was too late to say anything, she had already grabbed my arm and was dragging me out of my apartment. I sighed and tried to keep up with her as we bundled into her very nice car.

"Your moms?" I questioned with amusement clear in my voice.

She nodded. "Mine's in repair so I borrowed hers, she doesn't mind though, better than taking my dads, probably wouldn't have gotten here alive in that thing" she said as she shook her head. I had drover her dad's car once, never again. I let out a small chuckle as she put the car into drive and pulled into the road.

As soon as we stopped outside the club I could feel the place buzzing already. Here was a long line of people outside and I groaned as I my eyes went way back. "Are you serious" I said as I motioned towards the line of barely dressed women. "It's going to take forever to get in". I fell back against the seat with a thud and a sigh.

"No it wont" Caitlyn said as she hopped out of the car, I looked after her confused but just decided to follow her, while walking over to the bouncers I text Trish to let her know that she was meeting us at the club. As soon as we reached the bouncers I lookd back as Caitlyn charmed them. I saw all the people who were lining up giving me very angry looks as they scoffed and folded their arms. I felt bad instantly, it was cold out and they were having to wait when me and Caitlyn had just got in straight away, that's right, they let us in, didn't even ask for ID.

As I looked around the club I was a little shocked. It was huge, but like I expected, it was filled with whores and guys looking to get lucky. I sighed, how had I let Caitlyn drag me into this. I hated nightclubs. They scared me. I felt so claustrophobic whenever I went in one, which wasn't a lot. I wasn't the best person to take out. As soon as saw Trish walk through the doors with a petite Amy behind her I felt a little relieved. I smiled as both of them hugged me and I introduced them to Caitlyn, who seemed to get on with Trish like a house on fire.

Trish ordered us our first round of drinks, sipping on mine slowly Caitlyn chugged hers down and let an 'Ahhh' when she slammed the glass back onto the bar. "Come on Mitch, dance with me," she said as she pulled on my arm. I sighed, putting my glass down and weaving my way through the mass of bodies. I hated this. As Caitlyn flicked her head in all directions I bobbed up and down nervously as my eyes darted around the room. then, as I felt hands fall upon my waist, thought of the night I left home flooded to mind. The pain I felt, how I scared I was, the thought of his face. I had to get out of here, I ripped myself from the person who had a tight hold on me and pushed my way through the crowds as tears blurred my vision.

As I found Trish and Amy I asked them if one of them could not drink so they could take Caitlyn home, I needed her car, I didn't give them enough time to answer before I snatched her car keys and darted out of club. As soon as I was outside I was practically gasping for air. I never should have come out; I should have stayed at home. As I raced over to Caitlyns car, I ripped open the door, jammed the key into the ignition ad sped off.

When I finally got back to my apartment I kicked off my heels and rubbed my aching feet, I know I hadn't been doing much dancing but I had walked out of that club pretty fast, I was surprised I didn't fall flat on my face. Looking around the room I sighed, everything was so silent but yet I could still here the buzzing from the club. I closed my eyes and flung my head back. My phone then began to rang, I half expected it to be Caitlyn yelling at me for taking her car, but when I answered I didn't expect it to be who it was.

"Mitchie?" came the all to familiar husky voice. I felt my breath hutch in my throat as I heard his heavy breathing on the other line. He didn't sound angry, that was a good start.

"Hello Shane" I said thickly as I warned myself not to cry. Just hearing his voice made me want him here with me.

"Im sorry" he whispered almost inaudibly. "I never should have believed Sylvia, you were right, she was lying, im so fucking sorry, will you forgive me?" he asked, sadness evident in his voice. I found myself giving in, just the tone of his voice made my heart go out to him.

"Of course I forgive you Shane," I said with a sigh. Why couldn't I just stay mad at him, I mean he had put me through hell these past couple days, why did I have to give into him so easily.

He let out a small sigh of relief. "Thank you" he said sincerely. "I was also wondering, if maybe, we could, be friends?" he asked hopeful. I felt my heart break but I didn't want to say anything. Friends? He wanted to be… _friends_? Of course he did.

I nodded and swallowed back my tears. "Sure, friends" I said, my voice beginning to quiver slightly. I bit down on my lips as I heard him speak again.

"That's great, thanks Mitch, well, I have to get going, Nate just wrote a new song and we need to rung through it, I'll call you soon, goodnight" he said quickly as he hung up, leaving me no space to answer.

We were going to be friends. That was it, that was all we were ever going to be from now on. I wouldn't feel his lips ever so gently touch mine, I wouldn't feel his strong arms securely around me, protecting me from any harm and I wouldn't see the love in his eyes ever again. I knew I loved him, I loved him more than anything, but if all he wanted to be was friends, who was I to say anything, I had royally screwed up my chances of being with him, I lost his trust and I was going to have to work hard to get it back. I was going to work hard to get him back. Im going to make him want me again, whatever it takes.

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	11. Chapter 11

**Enjoy :) **

Because of You

Chapter 11

"Mitchie" whined my best friend as she prodded my back with her long finger. I groaned and swatted her hand away, but she didn't stop. "Mitchie Wake up now" she ordered as she flipped me off my bed. Groaning louder in frustration I sat up and glared at her. Her eyes were slightly red and she had dark circles under her eyes, It was probably make-up she had left on from last night.

"What is it Caitlyn?" I asked as I stood up, arching my back, making I crack slightly. I let out a long sigh and I saw her slump onto my bed, her face slowly falling into her hands. I wouldn't have known she was crying if her shoulders weren't shaking, she was so quiet. "Caity? Why are you crying?" I asked as I sat next to her. Her head fell onto my shoulder as her crying began to get louder and heavier, she was know sobbing. "Caity?" I soothed.

"I-I think I might be pregnant" she whispered, her voice thick with tears. I didn't say anything, I couldn't and I didn't know what to say. Caitlyn, ever so innocent Caitlyn was pregnant? That couldn't be, the only boy she was with was Nate and he wore a purity ring for god sakes. I racked my brain for logical answers, Nate sleeping with her just couldn't be one, he would never break a promise so important to him and his family. But Caitlyn had never cheated, not that I know of.

"What do you mean you think? When did you and Nate have sex and why didn't you tell me?" I asked in a slightly raised voice, I was angry that my best friend hadn't told me that she and her boyfriend had sex for the first time, even though he wore a purity ring. She didn't answer me straight away and I think I saw guilt in her eyes but I didn't take any note from it.

She sighed and wiped away her tears with the back of her hand, smudging her make-up from last night. "Me and Nate didn't have sex," she whispered.

"Then how can you be preg-" I began but when I saw her bow her head ashamed I knew why. "No" I whispered in disbelief. She had cheated. She had cheated on the one boy that loved her more than anything, the one who would give her the world and more. She was stupid enough to throw everything away for a stupid fling. "Caitlyn what the fuck were you thinking!" I yelled as I stood up glaring down at her. "How could you do that to him, do you have any idea how much it is going to hurt him when he finds out!" I screamed as I threw my hands in the air.

She sniffed. "It wont hurt him, because im not going to tell him" she said quietly. I raised my eyebrows at her and scoffed in disbelief. This wasn't my best friend I met when I first went to camp, that girl was nice, honest, a loving friend and had a beautiful personality. But this girl sitting in front of me was a liar, a cheater and someone I didn't recognise.

"You're not going to tell him" I asked as I scoffed. "You're really going to keep this from him? What if you are pregnant, them what are you going to say to him because you cant tell him its his because you didn't sleep with him, he's going to find out you cheated" I spat before I stormed out of my room, slamming the door behind me. I ran my hands over my face and let out a long sigh. I knew I was supposed to be supportive to Caitlyn and her situation but how she got into it I just couldn't bring myself to feel sorry for her. Well I did a little, but what she did, was just wrong. She had obviously come back with a guy last night after I left. Luckily he was gone or I would have kicked his ass. Pushing myself from the couch I walked into the Kitchen, flicking on the coffee maker and looked back at the door that was slowly opening.

"Mitchie?" she croaked as she came in the Kitchen. I glared at her before turning my body away from her. I grabbed a cup from the cupboard and slammed it against the side, tapping my fingers impatiently while waiting for the coffee to heat up. "Mitchie Please" she sobbed and I felt something pull inside me. she was my best friend, no matter what she did I was always going to love her and be there for her. I sighed and shook my head, turning towards her.

"What are we going to do?" I asked as I closed my eyes. I made sure I said we so she knew that she wasn't in this alone. Of course I was furious at her for actually cheating on Nate but she wasn't old enough to go through this alone, she was only 19. when I opened my eyes I saw a teary smile capture her lips. I gave her a small reassuring smile as I poured my coffee and walked into the living room with her. When I sat down I turned to her. "If I help you Caitlyn, you have to promise me one thing"

She nodded. "Anything"

I looked at her for a few moments before speaking. "You have to tell Nate," I said with as I moved my lips to the side. She sighed and nodded. I smiled and patted her shoulder. "Ok, first off we need a test" I told her as I stood up.

"Would you be able to get it?" she asked. When I gave her a confused look she answered me. "If the paparazzi see me, they will run a story and I don't need Nate to find out by some magazine that im pregnant" she said sadly. I nodded, understanding. I then gave her look. she nodded and sighed. "I will call Nate and tell him while you get the test"

"Ok" I breathed. "I'll leave as soon as im dressed" I told her as I walked into my bedroom. When I closed the door I picked up my phone and flicked through my contacts. I wanted to call Shane and tell him about Caitlyn so maybe he could help, but I knew he would run and tell Nate, and that was up to Caitlyn. I sighed in frustration as I threw my phone onto my bed. I pulled off my PJ's and slipped on a button down plaid shirt and a pair of back skinny jeans along with some ballet pumps. I searched for a brush but when I couldn't find one I just pulled my fingers through my wild hair and left the room. I saw Caitlyn sitting on my couch eating my food. I laughed. "Ok, you may be possibly pregnant but that doesn't mean you can eat all my food, I have to pay for that with the little money I earn, speaking of earning money, I have to start work again tomorrow, do you think you will be ok on your own?" I asked as I pulled my bag over my shoulder.

She raised her eyebrows at me. "Mitchie, im 19, not 5" she said as she crossed her arms. I laughed as I saw her stick out her bottom lip. I laughed and shook my head, throwing her a wave I made my way out of my apartment.

Walking past so many unfamiliar faces made me feel so alone. At home I knew almost everyone in my neighbour hood, they were all friends with my mom. She was such a loving soul no one ever said a bad word about her. And when she died, every one was devastated. But me, I was beyond that, I died inside, she took she with her when she went. I missed her so much, she was everything to me, she was my rock, she kept me sane, and with her gone, I didn't know what to do. I didn't have her, I didn't have my dad, all my other relatives, I didn't even know where they were, they stopped talking to us when mom died and dad lost his mind. They abandoned us when we needed them most. I tried to remember every little detail of my mom so I would never forget. Her soft brown hair that fell in tousled waves mid back, her warm brown orbs that could soften anyone's mood, her dazzling smile that could light up a whole room, and her loving attitude towards anything. She never let hate in her life, not even when she was diagnosed with cancer, she never blamed god, she didn't let it effect her life, she carried on like she always had, never letting I slow her down. But eventually it did, she couldn't do the things she used to, she didn't smile as much, her eyes were never the same. I didn't want to remember my mom that way; I wanted to remember her before every bad little thing.

Shaking away my thoughts I found myself outside a pharmacy. I sighed and walked inside. She better love me for this.

Looking up at all the signs I tried to find where I was supposed to go. I then found one that said 'baby supplies', I figured they would be close to there. Walking over to the section of the store, my shoes squeaking on the just mopped floor I bent down to get a beter look at what was on the shelves. I then found what I needed. Better pick up a few just in case. Grabbing three different tests I walked over to the till and placed the tests in front of me. I fought back the urge to roll my eyes as I saw the women at the check out counter quickly look me up and down. I felt like screaming that they weren't for me but there was no point. As soon as I paid I dashed out of the store so quickly that I didn't even hear the snap of the camera.

When I got home I tossed the carrier bag with the tests in on Caitlyns lap. When she didn't move or even flinch I knew something was wrong. "You told Nate?" I asked. She nodded and just shook her head letting a few tears fall. "Caity im sorry" I said as I wrapped my arms around her.

"I have never heard him sound so angry, he wouldn't stop yelling, its not like Nate" she sobbed into my shoulder for the second time today. I sighed and rubbed her back. "He told me that when I come home we need to talk properly, but he didn't end things" she then turned to me. "Why didn't he leave me? I cheated on him"

"Because he loves you Cait," I said simply with a small smile. "He knows you made a mistake but he does love you, of course he is angry at you and he may be for a little while, but you two will work things out" I promised her as I gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze. She smiled and leaned into me.

"Thank you so much" she whispered. "I'll be leaving in two days, I called my mom but I haven't told her yet, I'll tell her when I get home" she said as her gaze fell upon the tests that were now sprawled on the floor. "What if they are positive?" she whimpered as she looked up at me with desperate eyes.

"You don't know for sure" I tried to tell her but I knew I was only lying. I mean, she had unprotected sex; there was a very high chance of her being pregnant. "Take the tests tomorrow ok" I said as I made her look at me. I had never seen her look so scared; she nodded before getting up and slowly walking into the spare bedroom. When she was out of sight I felt the urge to call Shane. When my phone began to buzz I frantically searched through my bag, my mind hoping for one person but when I saw who it was I was a little disappointed, Trish. "Hey Trish"

"Hey Mitch, I was just calling to ask if you would be at work tomorrow and if you and Caitlyn wanted to come over for a drink" she asked happily. Someone was obviously getting on well with her new boyfriend.

I looked at the door where Caitlyn had just walked into and sighed slightly. "Yeah im going to be at work and yeah ok it sounds like fun" I said.

"Great" Trish squeaked. "Ok well I better go, Dan is waiting for me if you know what I mean" she said seductively as she let out a small giggle.

"Oh god Trish keep your personal things to yourself please" I laughed at her giddiness. "I'll see you at work tomorrow, bye" I said before flipping my phone shut.

The next morning I was woken up by what sounded like someone being sick. I pulled myself from my bed and dashed to the bathroom where I found Caitlyn with her head in the toilet, throwing up violently. Oh no. I knelt down and held back her hair while rubbing her back. Muffled in with the sound of her gagging, she was crying. "Shhh sweetie, it's going to be ok" I tried to reassure her. When she was finished, I handed her a towel and she wiped her mouth before letting out a few quick breaths. I looked at her helplessly as she stared at her stomach. "I think you should take the tests" I said quietly as I looked at her. She nodded and reached up and pulled them off of the sink. I gave her one last hug before walking out of the bathroom.

The next five minutes seemed like the longest moments of my life. I tapped my hands against my lap as I waited for Caitlyn to come out of the bathroom.

When she did she was holding all three test in her hands and staring at them. When she handed them to me my breath caught in my throat. There it was, the little cross that we had both been dreading. On all three tests, there it was. She just broke down at that second, crumpling to the floor screaming out 'No!' over and over. I dropped beside her and cried with her. After what felt like forever we both pulled ourselves from the floor. "Im going to go get some air". Her voice was rough from crying, emotion and nerves. I nodded as she pulled on a coat and shoes before walking out of the door.

My phone then rang. It was Nate. I sucked in my breath, should I answer, should I ignore him?

"Hey Nate" I said softly. I heard him swallow a few times.

"Mitch, is Caitlyn ok? Did she take the tests?" he asked, his voice showing how nervous he was. I didn't want to tell, but I knew Caitlyn couldn't, she had already hurt him, she wouldn't want to do it again.

"Im sorry Nate, all three test were positive" I whispered.

"Positive" he muttered, his voice higher than usual. "All three?" he croaked. I whispered a yes and he let out a long shaky sigh. "What am I going to do Mitch?" he asked hopelessly.

"Don't give up on her Nate, promise me, she needs you more than ever right now" I told him. it was true, she needed him more than ever and more than anyone.

"I wont give up on her, I wouldn't, no matter what, but I cant tell you things will be the same" he told me sadly. I knew that, he wasn't about to forgive her that easily, and I understood that. "Thanks for telling me Mitch, and we'll be in New York next weekend for an even so we'll come and see you" he said.

I found myself smiling slightly. "Sounds great, and I'll get Caitlyn to call you when she gets back, bye Nate" I said weakly before hanging up the phone. Letting out a shaky breath I ran my hands over my face. I quickly fell asleep.

A slam of the door jolted me awake. I opened my foggy eyes to see a flushed Caitlyn holding what looked like a magazine in her hands. "Caitlyn? What is it?" I asked as I stood up.

"You might want to see this" she said as she handed me the magazine. "Page 11" she ordered and I flipped through it. When I landed on page 11 I stopped breathing, the headline was like a slap in the face.

_Ex Girlfriend of Shane Grey, Mitchie Torres seen buying a pregnancy test, looks like the Jonas boys aren't so innocent. _

Fuck.

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	12. Chapter 12

Because of you

Chapter 12

My eyes scanned through the article over and over again. No, no, no! This could not be happening! Stupid fucking paparazzi, always had to be everywhere, and why photograph me! I wasn't even famous. But of course, as I used to date Shane people thought I was still interesting and that there might still be something going on between us too. And now with these pictures people are definitely going to think there is something there. I looked at Caitlyn helplessly as she stared down at me, her eyes apologetic. "This is all my fault" she whispered. I sighed and through the magazine across the room.

"Fuck!" I yelled as I gripped my hair. "Stupid paparazzi, like fucking rats" I hissed under my breath as I paced around the room. I dashed over to the magazine and re-read the article, carefully processing the words.

_Ex girlfriend of Shane grey was very recently seen buying a pregnancy test. She was also seem a few days ago with Shane grey but things didn't look so great, maybe she was breaking the news that she might be pregnant with his child? Who knows? This will definitely not be good for he Band. _

Shit. I groaned and slammed it down on the coffee table; I looked at Caitlyn who was being awfully quiet. "They think im having Shane's baby!" I shrieked. Why did things always have to go bad when things were starting to go right, even though Caitlyn being pregnant was not a great thing, but at least Nate didn't scream and kick off at her, that was a good thing, and me and Shane were 'friends', that was also a good thing (kind of). But now this? Of all things, me, pregnant, and they had my picture in the magazine, everyone reads this, and I didn't want paparazzi following me around asking if I was carrying Shane's baby, I hadn't even slept with him for heavens sake. He wore a purity ring! "What am I going to do?" I asked.

She shrugged, she was, crying. "I don't know, im so sorry, this is all my fault" she sobbed as she fell onto my couch. I looked at her confused, why was she crying so much over this, sure it was a horrible situation but I wasn't crying, and I was the one with my picture in a magazine, and to make things worse I looked dreadful, not an attractive sight.

"Caity, why are you crying?" I asked as I sat next to her. She nodded and cupped her face with her hands, chocking slightly.

"Because, if I hadn't cheated on Nate and got pregnant you wouldn't be on this mess, it's all my fault" her head fell on my shoulder as her whole body shook. I sighed and rubbed circles on her back. "Im so sorry" she chocked out. I didn't know if she was apologising for the story or for what she did, but I didn't question her, she would only cry more. My phone ringing broke the moment.

When I picked it up I groaned loudly, it was Shane. I looked at Caitlyn and she mouthed 'sorry' again. "Hi Shane" I said quietly as I swallowed.

"Mitchie" he hissed. "Why did I walk past a window today selling magazines and your picture was on the front?" he asked in a hushed voice, like he didn't want anyone to hear.

"Maybe because they wanted me to be on the cover" I joked lamely. I heard him sigh on the other line and my eyes fell to my feet. "It wasn't for me," I told him honestly. I didn't know if he was going to believe me because recently he hadn't been showing me that he trusted me all that much.

"Then who was it for Mitchie?" he yelled in frustration. I winced at the loudness of his voice. He really did think I was pregnant, I felt like screaming at him, but what good would that do, not a lot really.

"haven't you spoke to Nate?" I asked, when he huffed out a no I continued. "I was buying the tests for Caitlyn because she didn't want to get recognised, so I went, but obviously the paparazzi were lurking around somewhere and snapped a picture of me" I sighed as I thought back to how I couldn't have noticed them.

"Caitlyns pregnant?" he asked, I heard worry in his voice. "But she hasn't slept with Nate" he informed me. "Does he know? Is he ok with it? Does he know who the father is?" he was speaking so fast I only caught a few words of each question, but I could figure it out.

I nodded. "Caitlyn is pregnant, Nate knows, of course he's not ok with it, she cheated on him Shane, and no he doesn't know who the father is, I don't even know if she does, she told me that she brought someone home the other night after we went out" I told him sadly. I still couldn't process how careless my best friend had acted, I mean seriously, she was not that sort of person, she never did reckless things like that.

I heard him swallow. "She brought someone home?" he asked. I furrowed my eyebrows as I tried to read his tone. He sounded, scared? but I just shook it off and concentrated on the conversation.

"Well, she said she did, I didn't see him though, good thing too, I would have beat that kids ass if I woke up to see him naked on my couch" I shuddered at the thought, Shane suppressed a laugh. I smiled slightly at the sound, I missed his laugh, I hadn't heard it in a while. I found myself thinking back to camp, when we were happy and things weren't so complicated. I sighed and I stopped my thoughts and concentrated on his voice.

"Mitchie I have to go, I'll see you at the weekend ok?" he said softly and I couldn't help but grin widely, flashing my teeth.

"See you at the weekend Shane" I replied as I hung up. I looked at Caitlyn who was sitting there with a dazed expression. "Is everything ok?" I asked.

"Everything's fine" she snapped and her head whirled to me.

Confusion swept across my face. "Jeez, sorry I spoke" I muttered as I held my hands up in defence. I watched as the scowl slowly dropped from her lips only to be replaced by a frown, she looked at me and said something I didn't catch before getting up and walking into the spare bedroom. I stared at the door, trying to figure out what had just happened, what had I said to get her so pissed? I mean, did I say anything to upset her? I don't think I did. Anyway, I had bigger things to worry about, being prepared for the boys this weekend, I mean, they were al coming down for an event but they were coming to see me, so I needed to clean, I had to have my fridge fully stacked (Shane like to eat, and when I say liked, I mean eating was like a sport to him). I glanced at the door where Caitlyn had just stormed through before walking into the kitchen. I opened my fridge and just like I thought, it was bare, the only thing in there was a tub of butter and a slice of cheese. I sighed and shut it, I couldn't shake my thoughts as to why Caitlyn was angry, but I didn't need that right now, I had to think about how I was going to get out of my house without being bombarded with paparazzi shouting questions at me.

"Im going to get some food" I shouted curtly before slipping on some sunglasses and a hat and walking out the door, slamming it behind me. I was angry at her, she didn't even have a reason to snap at me like that, I had been her shoulder to cry on these past two days and now she decides to be angry with me, well, fuck her, she wasn't my biggest concern right now. (I sound like such a shit friend)

Quickly dashing around the store I stack things in my basket. The only thing that plagued my mind is what Shane likes eating, I was so much bothered with Jason and Nate, even though I picked them up something. When I was finished, I impatiently waited as the lady at the check out counter scanned my items, when she was finally finished, my eyes bulged when I saw the number on the screen, holy shit. I dig through my purse and gave her the exact change, well I was cleared out for the whole week. Lugging my bags all the way back to my apartment was a terrible struggle, one of the handles broken so I had to haul it over my shoulder, praying the other wouldn't break otherwise I would have a puddle of milk surrounding me. as I barged through my doors I see Caitlyn sitting on the couch with tears once again down her cheeks, I feel a twinge in my heart but I just walk past her and intot he kitchen where I dump the bags on the side. I let out a breath of relief as the pressure releases from my hands. "Fucking Plastic" I mutter.

"Mitch?" comes a small feminine voice. I sigh and turn to face Caitlyn. "Im sorry for snapping at you earlier, I guess" she sighs, trying to find the right words to say. "Im just not in the best of states, I mean, the pregnancy and Nate , im, just confused and upset, I don't even know if im going to keep the baby" she whispered.

I looked at her distraught. "You cant have an abortion, I wont let you, we'll figure this out ok?" I reminded her. She smiled warmly at me, happy that I still cared, but I could still see the sadness in her eyes, I knew she was worried about Nate and what was going to happen when they next saw each other. "Things will be ok" I whispered to her as I placed one hand on her shoulder. She nodded and turned to walk out, throwing me a small smile before disappearing behind the door. I then place my hand on my forehead, I should have asked her to help me in pack all the groceries, but then I realise I should let her rest, she hasn't had the best of days. So I pull out my phone and dial someone's number who I know will help.

20 minutes Later Amy and Trish burst through the door loudly, I put my finger to my lips then point to the spare room. "Caitlyn is sleeping"

Trish looked confused. "At 4 in the afternoon, Is she sick or something?" she asked looking at the door.

"I guess you could say that" I said sadly. I then pointed to all the shopping. "Right you need to help me pack away all this shopping, and don't book anything for this weekend because you will be helping me with being good hosts for Shane, Nate and Jason, ok?" I asked them. They nodded and put there hands to their heads in like a salute, I laughed and pushed them closer to the carrier bags.

When we were finally finished un-packing the bags we fell onto the sofa with a glad of wine in our hands, I swear as long as I kept hanging around with Trish my liver would eventually fail. I just laughed at the thought and took a sip of my cup.

"Christmas is soon" Amy squeaked as she took a small sip from her glass and placed it on the table, the sparkle in her eyes reminded me of a little boy's when he opened up his present to see a shiny new bike, pure and utter joy.

I laughed. "We still have a month and a half left Amy, thank god, im skint" I breathed out. It was true, I had spent all my money on the shopping a maybe a new dress for when Shane and his brothers came, anyway, I think I deserved it.

Trish rolled her eyes as usual. "I don't get what the big fuss is about Christmas, we give each other presents and eat until we feel like our stomach is going to burst, its not really a big deal, all im doing is going to see my family this christmas" she shrugged. Trish had such a wonderful family, and I was envious because she didn't seem to care. I met her family once, we decided to leave New York and stay with her parents in Pennsylvania. They were so welcoming and I was grateful, but I didn't feel welcome, they were kind and affectionate, it made me miss my old family, before everything went wrong. Amy went to stay with her brother as her parents died in a car crash, he was all she had left, but she didn't mind, she loved her brother like a son, well, she did have to raise him on her own, that's why she was the more responsible one.

Me on the other hand, I would be spending Christmas alone.

Amy gasped. "The big fuss about Christmas is that you get to spend it with your family, you share stories, drink egg nog, exchange wonderful gifts and just be together, it's an amazing time of the year, nothing compares to it" she finished. She then turned to me. "Is everything ok Mitch?" she asked.

I realised I had big wet tears rolling down my cheeks. I nodded and sniffed. "Im fine, I just, your speech, it got me all emotional" I tried to suppress a convincing smile but all that came was a very awkward crooked one, it was barely a smile, it looked more like I was in pain. Trish raised her eyebrows at me and was about to say something before Caitlyn walked out the room stretching her arms. She yawned and sat next to me on the sofa. She snatched the glass of win out of my hand and downed it. "Do you really think you should be drinking" I hissed under my breath so only she could hear, luckily Trish and Amy had jumped into a conversation about their plans for Christmas.

She looked at me. "Calm down, it's one drink, it's not going to do any harm" she scoffed before getting up and walking into the kitchen. I sighed and shook my head. My phone then began to buzz in my pocket. I struggled to get it out of my tight jeans but when I did I answer quickly.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Hello, is this Mitchie Torres?" asked a voice that I had never heard before.

I furrowed my eyebrows. "This is She, may I ask who is calling" I put on my best professional voice.

"This is Doctor Clayton, I am afraid to say that we have news regarding you father" he said, sadness in his voice.

I closed my eyes and my breathing slowed. "What kind of news?" I whispered, my voice thick with emotion and nerves.

"Im terribly sorry" he began. "But he was found earlier this evening in his house, he was reported dead at the scene". I stopped breathing. He was dead. The only family I had left was dead. When I didn't respond he spoke again. "Im sorry". I didn't answer, I just hung up and dropped my phone on the floor, causing Amy and Trish's attention to fall on me. My dad was dead. I was alone. He may have been a complete ass hole but he was my dad, and he was gone, forever.

******REVIEW!REVIEW!REVIEW! little note: this chapter was a little boring but trust me something big happens soon! **


	13. Chapter 13

Because of you

Chapter 13

"Mitch?" Trish asked, her voice full of concern, she gave Amy a look and stood up, making her way over to me.

I held my hand up to stop her, my eyes were closed and tears were rolling. "Please, just leave" I whispered. My head was spinning out of control, I hadn't felt like this since mom died, the feeling of complete loneliness seemed to cloak over me completely. I opened my glistening eyes and I saw that they hadn't left. "Please" I begged brokenly. I just wanted to be left alone. Trish nodded and left with Amy. As soon as they were gone I ran into my room and broke down. I didn't know why I was so upset, I mean, he was the one that had caused me so much pain the last couple years, but he was my dad, and I did love him, no matter what I did, and I know I should be slightly relieved that he would never be bothering me again, but I just couldn't, I didn't feel any remote of happiness, all I felt was pain, heavyhearted, joyless and sorrow. He had left the face of the earth, and he was never coming back.

"Mitchie?" came Caitlyns small voice through the door. "Is everything ok?"

"Just go away please" I croaked, my voice raspy. I think she got the message when I heard her footsteps soon fade. I know I wanted to be alone but there is one voice I was dying to hear. Shakily grabbing the house phone I clumsily dialled Shane's number, it was sad I still remembered it off by heart.

"Hey Mitch" he said happily.

"Shane" I croaked out, my voice thick with tears. I pulled the phone away from my ear and shook my head, tears were falling faster and the sobs were getting harder. "Oh god" I whispered.

After a good minute I put the phone back to my ear I heard his frantic voice. "Mitchie, you're scaring me, what's happened? Are you hurt?"

I shook my head and tried to steady my breathing but it sounded more like I was chocking. "It's my dad," I whispered. "He's dead" I covered my free hand over my eyes as I whimpered.

"Oh god Mitch im sorry" he said sincerely. "I wish I could come over sooner, I really do, but im so busy up until the weekend, but I have a few hours so I m here if you need to talk" he said softly, the kindness in his voice made me smile slightly.

"Thank you Shane," I whispered.

Like he said, we spoke for the few hours he had, he let me cry and rant and he tried to give me the best possible advice, most of it I threw back at him but he didn't get angry, he just told me to take deep breaths and try to keep calm, but i didn't know if I could do that, I had lost too much, I had no one anymore, everything was fucking gone. Shane promised me an unforgettable weekend before hanging up, he promised, and I was hoping that was a promise he could keep.

My eyes then fell on my bathroom, and something on the side caught my eyes. no, no, no, I wont do it, I wont sink that low.

10 minutes later the blood was trickling down both of my arms, what do you know, I sunk that low. I closed my eyes as I felt the blood pump from my arms, I wasn't supposed to be like this, I was supposed to be happy, that's why I came to New York, to get away from everything, but all of it seemed to follow me, my dad, my mom, Shane, Caitlyn, just everything I wanted to leave behind. It was like I could never get away. I wanted to know what it felt like to really laugh again, to smile for no reason, to have a day where I don't think about tomorrow or what I might be doing, just one day, that's all I could ever want, and I wanted to have that one day with Shane, he's the only one that could possible make me happy for no reason at all.

I looked down at my arms and shook my head, why couldn't I just stop. Shane would be so disappointed in me. I quickly mopped up the mess on my arms and tried to tidy up as much as I could around my room, but I didn't get far because of the ache in my arms.

The weekend seemed to roll around quickly and Caitlyn had gone back home, but she was coming back, her step dad kicked her out, but he mom gave her enough money to get started, she was going to be living with me until she found herself a place of her own. She was staying with her real dad for a little while, he was a lot more understanding of the situation. I had told Trish and Amy about my dad so they knew that I was in the best state of mind right now and they agreed to help me be great a host for when Shane and his brothers got here, which was in an hour and I wasn't even dressed.

I jumped out of the shower and placed a towel around me. I walked into my room to see Trish standing over my bed, looking at the possible outfits I would wear. She tapped her chin as she analysed each piece of clothing. I chuckled, "Trish, there clothes, not murder clues" I joked.

She turned to me with a smile; she then turned back to the clothes and picked the middle outfit, which was a pair of faded distressed skinny jeans, a white floaty top and a black blazer. "Here, go put this on" she ordered as she pointed to the bathroom.

Once I was all ready and dressed, I was in the kitchen getting the food together, I had decided on pizza because well, everyone loves pizza and I knew Shane adored it.

The ding of the doorbell made me jump slightly. "There here!" I almost screamed. Amy laughed and ran to the door. She opened it and greeted them with her usual polite self and moved aside so they could walk in. as soon as they were in my sight I ran into all three of their arms. "I missed you guys"

Jason chuckled. "We haven't been gone long Mitch, but we're all glad to see you".

I smiled and pulled away; I then turned to my two friends. "Guys, this is Trish and Amy, Trish, Amy, this is Shane, Nate and Jason" I said, moving out of the way so they could Shake hands. When Shane and Trish shook hands I saw a familiar look appear in her eyes. She moved so she was closer to him and I noticed how her hand was placed on his arms slightly. No! She knew I did all of this to impress Shane, fill the house with food, look nice and be a good host, and she was supposed to be my friend! She knew how I felt about him. Amy caught my look and took hold of Trisha's arm and led her into the kitchen. I smiled after her and turned to the guys. "So, what did you want to do today? I mean, we can't exactly do much because we'll probably get stalked by paps and that story of me is still out there" I sighed.

"We could watch the game" Shane suggested. I completely forgot about that. I smiled and jumped onto the sofa. I heard them all chuckled behind me at my eagerness as they came at sat down with me.

Nate looked around and swallowed. "Is Caitlyn here?" his voice was ful of nerves and emotion. I really felt sorry for the poor kid; he looked so upset at even the mention of her name.

I shook my head. "She went to stay with her dad for a little while, but she's coming back, she's moving here, her step dad kicked her out" I told them sadly.

Nate's eyes widened. "They kicked her out? Why would they do that, I thought she spoke to her mom"

I nodded and leaned back into the sofa. "She did, but when he mom told her step dad he didn't approve so he told her to pack her things and get out, and her mom didn't say anything"

"Im going to go call her" he said quickly as he jumped off the couch and disappeared down the hall. I sighed and switched on the TV. Trish and Amy then walked back out, and I felt like screaming when Trish placed herself in-between Shane and me. I looked at her but she wasn't looking back, her eyes were to busy focusing on Shane. I rolled my eyes and moved over so I was further away from her. From the corner of my eyes I saw her cross her leg so it was leaning against Shane's thigh. Amy noticed and was looking and Trish like she was insane, but she wasn't paying any attention at all. I tried to focus on the game on the TV but I just couldn't.

I was happy when it was finally finished and everyone had their food in front of them. We joked and talked for a long time but I couldn't keep my eyes of Trish and how whenever Shane made a joke she would laugh a little too loud and lean into him. after food we were all sitting on the living room floor.

"Hey Mitchie, can I get a drink" Shane asked.

I nodded. "Of course, there are things in the fridge" I told him.

He went to get up but Trish grabbed his arms and pulled him back down. "No it's fine, Mitchie can get your drink, you're our guests" she gave him a sickeningly sweet smile.

He turned to me with a smile. "Thanks Mitchie"

I gave him a tight-lipped smile. "Of course" I said through gritted teeth. I stood up and gave Amy a look so she would come with me, she made up some excuse before walking into the kitchen with me, when the door was closed I turned to her. "Is she fucking for real? What the hell is she doing?"

"You know what she's like Mitch, she loves the thrill of a chase," she said simply.

"I know but with Shane! She knows how I feel about him, I know she's done things like this in the past but really, with Shane, of all people" I spat. "I mean, I don't even know why your still friends with her after her and brad-" I stopped myself short because I knew that was a hard subject for Amy to talk about. "Im sorry, she has just really pushed my buttons"

Amy nodded. "She pushes a lot of peoples buttons, that's why we are her only friends"

"Not if she keeps this us," I muttered as I walked back out with Shane's drink and a beer for myself.

"Did you get me one?" Trish asked, not moving her gaze from Shane who was looking up at me as I gave him his drink.

"You know where the fridge is" I spat.

She frowned and stood up, strutting into the kitchen, making sure her hips swung. I took that opportunity to place myself right next to Shane. He smiled and clicked his glass with mine. When she walked back out she glared at me when she saw where I was, I smirked and raised my glass at her. She huffed and sat on the couch next to Amy, who didn't look to pleased about it, but she threw me a playful wink. I giggled slightly and turned back to the TV. I felt Shane placed his arms over the back of the sofa, which was above my head. I made sure I didn't move but I did smile a little more.

Nate looked at hi watch. "Guys I think we should head back to the hotel" he said as he stood up.

I shook my head. "You can just stay here, I mean, I have the space and its not good weather out, I mean look" I motioned towards the window, it was in facet pelting it down with rain.

They all looked at each other, Jason nodded. "Thanks Mitch, we appreciate it"

I smiled. "Well, there's the spare room, my room, and there a pull out bed on the sofa" I told them.

Shane looked at me. "Where will you sleep though?" he asked.

I shrugged. "On the floor most probably"

He shook his head. "No I can't let you do that"

"I have a room at my place, one of you could stay there" she said, clearly looking at Shane. I rolled my eyes, and it almost looked like he did too.

He shook his head. "Its fine, we can just share a bed, no problem" he smiled. I smiled back and I was happy to see the scowl form on Trish's lips, I felt like sticking my tongue out at her to rub it in but I didn't bother, She left and Amy followed shortly behind, saying goodbye to everyone. I waved at her.

I then turned to the guys. "There fresh towels if any of you need a shower in the morning" I told them motioning to the bathroom down the hall. "Night guys"

"Night Mitch" They both said before walking into the bedrooms. I then turned to Shane. "here, help me get this bed out"

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	14. Chapter 14

Because of You

Chapter 14

Laying there with Shane next to me I couldn't bring myself to move, I didn't want to wake him and I didn't want him to know that I was awake. I turned my head slightly so I could see his face; he looked peaceful and absolutely gorgeous, like he always does. I could feel my heart pounding in my ears as his arms suddenly slipped across my waist and pulled me into his chest. I froze. What was I supposed to do now, I couldn't hug him back because that would just be weird and I couldn't pull away because well, I didn't want to. I liked being in his arms once more, his strong yet gentle arms that made me feel safe. I began to think of the times when he actually used to hold me, properly, the look of love in his eyes as he sang me to sleep. And the tears followed closely behind, also with my luck Shane woke up.

"Mitchie?" he asked confused and groggy. He noticed his arm and pulled back. I fought back a whimper at the loss of contact and just turned on my side, muffling my cried with the pillow. He touched my side but I jerked away. "Mitch what's wrong?" he asked worried.

I shook my head and sniffed loudly. "It's nothing" I wiped away my tears and looked at him, trying to give him a reassuring smile. "Really" I said trying to convince him.

He rolled his honey brown eyes at me. "Mitchie, there is obviously something wrong, please tell me" he pleaded as he took my hand.

I laughed with no humour. "Im so sick of feeling nothing but pain, it's like I can never get away from it, I mean, I moved here to get start fresh and everything just seemed to follow me, I mean, my dad dies, you come back, not that I don't want you here, I do, it's just…hard" I finished, letting out a long breath.

He sighed and pulled me into his arms. "Im sorry that you feel like that, I never wanted to hurt you, that was actually the last thing I wanted to do, maybe a first I wanted you to feel the pain I did, but that wouldn't be fair" he began. "Im sorry about your dad too, I know you loved him, even after what he did, that's one of the things I love most about you Mitchie, you have a large heart and can forgive anyone, just please don't cry, I don't like it" he whispered into my ear while he pressed a delicate kiss to my forehead.

I sniffed and sat up. "Im sorry, im over reacting" I tried to smile through my tears.

He laughed and patted my arm. "if I could see you I would know what your awful attempt to smile would look like" he teased and I actually found myself laughing, a real laugh, one I didn't have to fake. I calmed down a little when I realised I had been laughing a little too hard.

I coughed. "Sorry, it just feels good to laugh" I admitted sheepishly. He let out a breathy laugh as he gave my hand a gentle squeeze. I wanted to tell him then how much I really needed him, but I couldn't bring myself to say the words, its like they weren't in my dictionary, they were foreign and un-speakable, I hated it.

"Everything is going to be ok" he whispered and you know what, I actually believed him. I nodded and laid back down, Shane also laid back down but to my surprise he wrapped his arm around me again. I could feel his hot breath on my neck, sending chills down my back. But before I could fall down Shane poked my sides making me squeak. "Shane stop it" I giggled.

"uh uh" he shook his head and continued to poke my sides. I shrieked but quickly covered my mouth.

"I don't want to wake up the guys" I hissed in laughter as I swatted his hands away from my sides.

he groaned quietly. "You're no fun" he huffed before turning on his other side. I giggled again and this time I poked Shane's side, causing him to jerk a little backwards. "Mitchie" he whined quietly.

I shrugged. "it was only fair, night Shane" I said with a laugh before turning back over and falling asleep for the first time in a long time with a smile on my face.

The next morning I was woken up by something heavy pressing down on my stomach, which was leaving me short for air. I groaned and slowly opened my eyes to see that Shane had his elbow jammed right into my stomach. I coughed and pushed his arm away, instantly feeling comfortable again. He stirred but he didn't wake, I sighed in relief as I slowly crept out of bed. Yawning, I made my way into the kitchen, only to find Nate with his head on the table with a few beer glasses around him. panic swept through me as I crouched down by his side and tapped his face. "Nate?" I called into his ear causing him to groan. I placed my arm around his waist and pulled him up, I had to hold onto him because if I let go he would get a mouthful of tile. "Nate come on wake up" I ordered breathlessly as I used all my strength to keep him up.

He opened his puffy as and stared at me with sorrow. "She ended things Mitch" he choked out as he fell into my arms crying. I fell from both out weights but he stayed in my arms. I sat cross legged as I brushed his hair out of his watering eyes.

"Shhh" I soothed. "Tell me what happened?" I told him. why was I always around whenever someone was crying.

He hiccupped. "She called and told me she needed to start a new life, one that didn't involve anyone she knew, including me" he spat angrily. "I gave her everything, I loved her more than anyone ever could!" he growled. "How could she fucking do this to me, I mean I forgave her for cheating on me but then she ends things" he shook his head in disbelief.

She needed to start a new life, a new life without her friends, without me, her best friend. "Nate it's going to be ok, I promise you, I'll talk to Caitlyn, try and get her to see sense ok, but Im not going to do it today, im going to giver her some time with her dad and to really think about this and you should too" I told him and I patted his head.

He nodded, sniffing loudly. "Ok, Mitch, im going to go get ready, I don't want anyone to see me like this" he said in embarrassment as he stood up and walked back into my room. I ran my hands over my face and let out a deep sigh, I swear I could never escape drama in my life, even after things are just getting good. Just then Shane came through the doors. He looked at me confused.

"Why are you on the floor?" he asked curiously as he sat down at the table.

I stood up and brushed myself off. "It's a long story, your brother is kind of upset so I was comforting him" I told him.

He raised an eyebrow. "On the floor, and what are all these doing here?" he asked motioning to the beers.

I sighed, better tell him. "Nate drank them all, I came in here and saw him passed out, he told me that Caitlyn had ended things then he like collapsed into me and I fell to the floor" I informed him.

His eyes widened. "She ended things with him? Why?" he asked in a hurry. I knitted my eyebrows together and looked at him.

Shrugging I answered. "I really have no idea, well, he said that she wanted to start a new life, without the people in it, so im guessing she wants to forget everything and start again, kind of like I wanted to" I but down on my lip. Before he could answer I spoke again. "How about some breakfast, blueberry waffles?" I questioned, even though I already knew the answer.

He moaned. "You're the best". I smiled and muttered 'I know' before getting started on breakfast.

Once everyone had eaten and the boys had gotten ready, they had to go to a charity event, but they said they would be back around 7, just in time for dinner. I was hoping to cook, with the help of Amy, I couldn't really deal with Trish right now. When they left I dashed straight into the kitchen and pulled out whatever I needed. I quickly dialled Amy's number and asked her to come over, she agreed and told me she was on her way, sighing in relief, which made me calm down a bit, I dashed over to the fridge to grab the butter. Around twenty minutes Amy burst through the door. "Im here" she announced. "now what do you want me to cook?" she asked as she rubbed her hands together.

I looked around. "Erm" I was panicking because I didn't exactly know what I was cooking. I snapped my fingers. "Rolls! Cook some rolls please," I asked before turning back to the mess on the counter. I bit my lips and looked at each pieces of food, there were strips of meat, vegetables, potatoes, etc… that's it! I'll cook chicken, potatoes and vegetables! But I hate vegetables so that's out, and im pretty sure Nate hates them too. I turned to Amy. "Why goes well with chicken and potatoes?"

She shrugged. "Yorkshire pudding?" she suggested. I beamed and nodded quickly. I ran over to the freezer and pulled out an icy bag full of them. I quickly emptied them onto the tray and shoved them in the oven I was about to turn it on when Amy's hand fell upong my shoulder. "Save them for last, they only take ten minutes to cook" she informed me.

I nodded and pulled them back out, replacing them with the tray of chicken. Once it was in I began with peeling the potatoes.

By the end of it, I had six plasters on my fingers. I groaned and turned to Amy, who was buttering the rolls, and sighed. "Cooking is so hard, and they'll be here soon and im not even ready". I ran my fingers through my hair. Amy snickered when she looked at me before turning back to the rolls. I closed my eyes and let out a long breath through my nose. "There's stuff in my hair isn't there?" I heard her squeak out a yes. "For fuck sake" I whined.

"Mitchie, just go take a shower and get ready, I'll keep an eye on the food" she said softly as she pushed me out of the kitchen.

I looked at her with grateful eyes. "Are you sure"

She rolled her ravishing blue eyes. "Of course, you want to look hot for Shane, and you wont with crap in your hair" she teased. I stuck my tongue out and dashed into the bathroom. Once I was ready, I was in a pair of super skinny jeans and a silk top paired with a pair of black flats, my hair was as it always was, straight but with my bangs slightly to the side. I danced out to Amy who was laying the table.

"Wow, this all looks amazing" I complimented her. She smiled proudly as she kept lying out the knifes and forks. It really did, there were napkins, candles, food looked delicious and everything was so organised, she did a great job, now all we needed were the boy's to hurry up and arrive, before everything gets cold. Amy and sat down at the table and placed her napkin on her lap. I began to pace the room while I kept my eyes glued to the door, "Where are they" I whined.

Amy held up her hands to calm me. "Mitchie chill, they'll be here, anyway, their only like what" she looked at her watch. "5 minutes late" she defended them. I nodded, feeling a little reassured and before I could get any more worried, they burst through the door. I breathed out a sigh of relief.

"We're back" Jason announced as he flew his arms in the air, his eyes then fell upon the display of food in front of him. "Holy shit is this for us?"

I nodded. "Of course, dig in" I ordered as everyone sat down"

Nate and Amy jumped into conversation as they ate their food. I smiled at them fondly asi watched how Amy smiled at everything he said, and the way he gazed at her deeply when she told him something about her. Jason was too busy eating to even talk and Shane, he looked a little, irritated.

"Shane, how's your food?" I asked, hoping for a positive answer back.

He huffed as he stabbed his food with his fork. "Fine" he replied bluntly.

I furrowed my eyebrows and watched as he didn't even put a piece of food into his mouth, I began to get annoyed, I didn't do all this so he could just abuse his fucking food with a fork. I gritted my teeth together, determined not to say anything while everyone finished their food. I finished mine and looked over to Shane, growling I excused myself from the table and took both Shane's plate and mine into the kitchen, I made sure I gave him a glare before disappearing behind the kitchen door. I huffed loudly as I dumped the contents of the plate into the trash before tossing them into the sink, breaking one of them. "Fuck!" I hissed as I picked up the broken pieces of plate and threw them in the bin. To think I had spent all day cooking for them and Shane hadn't even _touched _his food. Amy then walked in whistling a happy tune. She caught onto my expression because the whistling died down.

"What happened?" she asked as she set down three other plates.

I shrugged. "I don't even know, Shane didn't even touch his food, he just brutally murdered it" I spat as I opened the lid of the bin and pointed to the waste of food. "We spent all fucking day cooking for them and he didn't even bother to eat a single piece of fucking chicken, I shouldn't bother next time!" I whispered angrily so they wouldn't hear me.

Amy sighed. "Maybe there's something wrong with him, he didn't talk all through dinner" she reasoned. I sighed and nodded, I should have put that into consideration, maybe he was too upset to eat. Just then Shane walked in, his eyes away from me and on Amy.

"Thank you for dinner, and thank you for letting us stay here, we'll be off now, thank you for a good weekend, I'll see you soon" he said now motioning to me, I gaped at him as he strolled out of the kitchen.

"What. the. actual. fuck?" I asked in disbelief. Amy shrugged and just then Nate and Jason walked in.

Nate looked at me with an apologetic. "Sorry Mitchie, thank you for dinner, it was lovely, and we're sorry about Shane, he's in a bit of a pissy mood, I'll call you before we leave tomorrow" he told me before hugging me and walking out. I turned to Jason who gave me a lopsided grin while hugging me and following his brother out. I stared after them in disbelief.

"Mitchie, im sorry" Amy said as she placed her hand on my shoulder. "I know you wanted this dinner to be perfect"

I shook my head, tears welling. "Everything I try to do right blows up in my face, im just going to stop trying" I shrugged and walked into my room.

I was done.

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	15. Chapter 15

Because of You

Chapter 15

"Mitchie, you can't stay in your room forever" came Amy's yell from the other side of my door. I let flicked the ash of my cigarette into an ashtray and breathed out the smoke.

"Oh yeah! Watch me!" I my voice was raspy and my vision was foggy. I placed the stick between my chapped lips and took a few puffs before angrily stumping it out. I had been in my room for the past 7 days now and not once has Shane called me, Caitlyn was scheduled to fly out later this evening and I will make sure I give her a serious talking to for what she did to Nate. She had called me earlier in flood of tears and I couldn't make out what she was saying most of the time, but I did understand her enough to know that she was flying back to New York tonight to come move in. to be honest, this is going to sound like me being a bad friend, but part of me wanted to bail and say that she couldn't move in, I just didn't need all the drama, she was pregnant, and being pregnant you get food cravings and tons of mood swings, I didn't know if I could afford or handle all that. But of course I said none of that and now, she is moving in with me. Damn my kindness. More knocking on the door. I groaned. "Go away" I whined as I stood up.

"Please open the door Mitchie," a husky voice asked. I froze; my heart seemed to go so fast it was almost like it was skipping beats. I knew that voice anywhere, oh god Shane was here, should I open the door? Or should I just pretend I fell asleep? Well I couldn't do that because I had already spoke, fuck sake.

I slowly walked over to the door and opened it so there was a small crack. "What do you want?" I whispered. He sighed and went to open the door a little more but I jammed my foot against it. "I said, what do you want?"

"Mitchie just let me in," he demanded as he tried to push it open but I made no move.

"Not until you tell me what you want?" I said boldly.

He sighed. "I came to say im sorry for the way I acted at dinner last week, you went to so much trouble with cooking for us and I was a dick, I was just upset that day, I found out some news that was, you could say, life changing" it was evident that he was hurt and scared, I could see it in his eyes.

"What news?" I asked, opening the door fully so I could see him.

He gave me a small smile. "I think you'll find out soon, just promise me something Mitchie, please" he begged taking both my hands. I nodded so he continued. "That you wont hate me when you find out"

I looked at him confused. "What are you talking about, I could never hate you, you know that," I told him as I gave his hands a gently squeeze.

He smiled and laughed a little. "I'll keep that in mind". So now he was hiding things from me? Things that could make me hate him. Ughh I hated all this drama, why couldn't I just have a life free of all of it. I looked back up at him.

"So you came all the way out to New York to say sorry?" a small smile crept onto my lips. if he had that would be one of the single most sweetest things he has ever done for me, except for when he got me a guitar with or initials engraved on it, that was somewhere in my closet.

He nodded. "Well, yeah" he replied as the blush crept onto his cheeks and I found myself smiling more. "I couldn't have you angry at me"

I laughed. "I could have settled with a heart felt phone call, you didn't need to fly all the way out here for me" I nudged his side.

He shrugged. "Well I thought this was better, and it doesn't matter, I have a friend down here who I need to see so I'll stay with him for a couple days" he smiled a strange smile. I nodded and watched as he looked to Amy who had her arms crossed. "Erm I better go" he said, he stepped closer. "I don't think your friend likes me that much" he whispered.

I giggled. "She's also a bit pissed with your less than welcome take on our food" I informed him. he nodded and walked over to Amy, saying he was sorry, she nodded briskly and waved him off, he smiled and gave her small a hug which she returned. He then looked at me, gave me a light wave, then left.

Amy strolled over to my door. "So I try for day's to get you out, but when Shane pops up, you wrench it open without a second thought" her eyebrows raised in slight annoyance.

I shrugged. "What can I say, he's Shane, I'll do anything for him" I told her as a shy smile danced onto my face. She rolled her eyes in amusement and pulled me into the living room where ice cream was waiting for me, I squealed, grabbed the large spoon and began shovelling the ice cream in, same as Amy. I was going to ask her how Trish was going but I really didn't care, I would have to face her later at work though, I didn't have to go in until 1 and it was only 9 am, so I had a good few hours to think up a plan of avoiding her, it was going to be hard since the café was terribly small and we would always be passing each other.

"Oh yeah, Trish wont be in today, she has the flu" I think the angels were singing. Thank you god. I breathed out a sigh of relief, which made Amy giggle, her tinkling laugh filled the silent air and I felt myself join her. The laughing progressed and I found myself crying, from the laughter obviously. "Why are you crying" she managed to choke out through her laughs, her own eyes were watering.

I held my stomach. "I don't even know" I gasped, finally calming down; I snorted which made Amy double over in stitches. I covered my mouth and closed my eyes tightly; these are the moments in life that I cherished most. Once we were done laugh, I looked at the clock, 9 30, holy shit! We had been laughing for 30 minutes straight, no wonder my head hurt so much.

Once I was at work I still kept looking around, just to check that Trisha wasn't really here. in case Amy had just said that to get me out of the house. Walking out the back I leant against the counter and began tapping my fingers against it impatiently, all I wanted to do was go home and go to bed, but I had only served three customers so I had a long time till I got off. Customers came and go and five hours later my shift was done, I yanked off the apron and threw it to the side, I waved at Amy, huffed at my boss and basically sprinted outside, only to be stopped my peoples with camera's. my eyes widened in alarm, I then saw one of them with a magazine in hand, one with my face on it. The story about the pregnancy test, Aw crap. I gave them a polite smile as they shot questions at me, I tried to walk away but some of them jumped in my way. "Are you pregnant with Shane Grey's baby" one of them shouted at me. I shook my head and let out a small 'no'. but that didn't stop them, they asked if I was still dating Shane, why was I buying the test if I wasn't pregnant, blah blah blah. Once I finally got to my car I jumped inside and drove of, almost hitting a few of them. While driving I groaned loudly and thudded my head against the seat. I thought the damn story blew over I mean, geez, they should know that Shane is a virgin, he still wears his purity ring for crying out loud. Once I got home I stormed into my apartment, slamming the door behind me, and was about to run into my room only to see Caitlyn on my sofa with her bags around her. I stopped abruptly and looked at her.

"Caitlyn? When did you get here?" I asked, sitting down on the couch opposite her.

She shrugged. "About an hour ago, where were you?" she asked curiously.

"I was at work," I answered simply. She nodded and looked down, I sighed, I knew what was wrong, it was Nate. "Are you going to tell me what happened with you and Nate?" I asked her.

She shook her head, sniffing. "There's not much to tell," she whimpered. "I couldn't be with him, the guilt was too much, I hated hurting him"

"So you left him, did you realise how much that _also _hurt him, he was devastated Cait, he loves you, you know that, and he would raise that baby with you even though it isn't his" I told her accurately, because honestly, even though he's still young (he's my age) he would do all he could to be the best father to that child inside her belly/

"I know and that's the worst part" she croaked, I raised my eyebrows at her as she continued. "I mean, he would have to give up so much for this child, and I don't want that for him, he has his whole life ahead of him, I don't want to ruin all that because of me" she snivelled loudly before burying her face in her hands. I sighed, sat next to her and pulled her into my arms.

"It's going to be alright Caity, I promise" I reassured her as I rubbed circles on her back. She just shook her head and leant it against my shoulder, not saying a word, just sobbing, I hated being put in this situation, why was there so much crying, I needed a damn holiday, and I was going to get one, as soon as I got paid. I pushed on Caitlyns shoulder so she was sitting up right and I made her look sat me. "Listen to me Caitlyn, listen closely, you are going to stop your crying, go in the kitchen, grab some ice cream and we're going to watch some kick ass action films to make you feel better" I told her sternly.

"I don't know" she said unsure. I shook my head and pushed her in the direction of the fridge, she looked back and I just waved my hands dismissively at her. Moments later she walked out with a tub of ice cream and two spoons, with the way I was eating ice cream it wouldn't surprise me if I've put on like 3 stone, damn you cookie dough and your addictiveness.

We watched films, we laughed, we ate, we screamed, we ate, our eyes widened, we ate, we mostly ate, until the ice cream had run out. Caitlyn looked at me with ice cream smeared all around her face and I just let out a loud laugh. She giggled along with me before wiping her mouth, she then groaned and clutched her stomach. "I really shouldn't laugh so much" she said, the smile still fixed onto her face. I smiled back and patted her stomach. She then looked up at me. "Thank you for letting me stay with you Mitchie, im really grateful" she said sincerely as she placed her hand over mine. I smiled back and nodded.

"Stay as long as you need to, I'll help you find a job, I'd say you could come work at the café with me, but, it's pretty shit and the boss is just" I shuddered in amusement and she laughed.

She smiled. "I would probably eat all the little cakes anyway, you know me," she said. That was true.

I laughed. "I know, hey Cait, can I talk to you," I asked. She nodded and I sighed. "Well Shane's in New York at the moment, he's staying at a friends, and I was thinking of maybe telling him how I feel" I said in a gentle voice as I kept my gaze of my painted red toes.

"Mitchie I don't think that's a good idea" she sighed. Her voice was thick and stern, like she didn't want me to tell him.

I looked up at her confused. "Why not, I mean, he might even feel the same way" I said hopefully. I really did think he felt the same, I mean, he flew all the way out here to say he was sorry, you wouldn't do that unless you had feelings for that person.

"Because im carrying his child" she blurted out suddenly.

I could have sworn I heard something break inside me, my heart maybe?

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	16. Chapter 16

Because of You

Chapter 16

"Can you repeat that?" I asked numbly. "I don't think I heard you right" I told her. I think I did, but I didn't want to believe it, maybe she had said it wrong, he couldn't be the father, how was it even possible, she told me it was from a fling she had with a guy from a club, and as for Shane, he had a freaking purity ring.

She nodded, not meeting my eyes. "You heard it right" she whispered. "Shane is the father" she told me. I fell back in my chair as my heart thudded in my ear. I looked at her and I felt nothing but disgust towards her, my best friend, the one I love, together. They were in it for life now; they were bringing a baby into the world. I shook my head as tears fell surprisingly fast.

"You lied to me" I whispered as I closed my eyes. "I let you stay here, I was there for you and all this time you knew it was Shane's" I hissed. "Why didn't you tell me" I yelled, my anger reaching it's boiling point.

"Im sorry" she sobbed. "I didn't want to hurt you" she pleaded.

I scoffed. "Well, that's really working out for you isn't it Caitlyn" I spat. "Im not hurt at all, im fucking over the moon" I laughed harshly as I ripped myself from the couch and stormed over to the front door. I yanked it open and was about to walk out, but Shane was there, hand mid-air. He laughed slightly but his face fell when he saw the tears falling from my eyes.

"Mitchie?" he asked.

I looked at Caitlyn. "Oh look, Shane's here, now we're all one big family," I chanted. I then looked at Shane, feeling the same disgust as I did with Caitlyn. "Congratulations Shane, you're going to be a dad" I spat out.

His eyes widened as he tried to take one of my hands. "Mitchie Please, let me explain"

I shook my head and pulled my hand away, pushing past him and running as fast as I could away from him. His voice echoed behind me and I could hear his loud footsteps. I ran as fast as I could away from him but it didn't work because as soon as my feet touched the sidewalk his hand was wrapped around my wrist. I tried with all my strength to pull away from him but he pulled me down an alley and pressed me against the wall. "Let me go" I spat.

He shook his head. "Just please, let me explain" he begged.

"Ok Explain" I raised my eyebrows and his face dropped slightly.

"Erm well" he paused. "About a month ago, I was slightly drunk, and erm" he bit his lip. "And Caitlyn was there, it just, happened, me and her"

"Well that clears up everything" I spat as I tried to push him off me; it didn't work to well though, he had a firm grip on my waist. Tears continued to run down her face as she watched him open his mouth and shut it over again, debating what to say.

"It meant nothing" he tried to reason with her.

She just shook her head. "It doesn't matter, you still did it Shane" I tried to push him away again but he didn't let me. "Get the fuck off me" I growled as I pushed against his chest.

"Mitchie, we need to talk about this, I don't want to leave us like this" he begged, his hazel eyes gleaming.

"Ok" I began. "I was going to tell you how I really felt Shane, after all this time of being scared to admit how I really felt, I was finally going to confess that, I love you Shane, more than I have ever loved someone in my whole life" I sniffed. "But when Caitlyn told me about you and her, the love I felt for you was pushed to the side and all I felt was hatred for you and her" I looked up at him. "I never want to see you again" I whispered as I pushed one more time, it seemed to work as he stumbled back, I took the chance and dashed to the sidewalk and stuck my hand in the air for a cab.

"Mitchie" he called out. "You said you could never hate me!" he yelled after me, his large hands grabbed onto my arm. "You said!" he had tears of his own now, but they were hard to tell as it was raining heavily.

I yanked away. "Well I lied" I screamed through my tears. "I hate you Shane," I sobbed, my voice venomous. "I HATE YOU," I shrieked while I kept pounding his chest. A taxi then pulled up at the curb and I jumped inside before he could say anything, leaving him out in the pelting rain. I dropped my head against the window and cried. I felt sorry for the Driver; he looked very awkward as he kept looking back at me sobbing.

"Erm, where to dear" he asked softly, his voice full of sympathy.

I sniffed loudly. "29 baker's road please" I croaked. My throat was in agony as I tried to steady my breathing, it wasn't working very well as I sounded like I was chocking. Once the cab stopped, I handed him the money and ran out of cab to avoid getting even more wet. Pounding on the door I waited impatiently. "Come on" I muttered as I knocked on the door again, but she didn't answer. I groaned and slumped down on the step. I brought my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. I looked forward; watching as people without umbrella ran through the rain, laughed, smiled, and chatted to their friends. I wanted to be that happy again, I thought I could find happiness again, I felt like I was getting there, but something always seems to jump in and cause a bump in the road, a bump so big that it steers me right of the path to happiness. I didn't like feeling like this, it hurt, more than I could ever describe through words, but I could tell you this, walking away from Shane had been the hardest thing I had ever done. I knew loving him was never going to be easy, but I never knew it would be this painful. I think at this moment in time I had never missed my mom more, you normally go to your mom and cry when you experience your first heart break, but if I wanted to talk to her, I would have to go all the way to California, and I would have to talk to a lump of stone, but at least I would be close to her.

I wiped my eyes with the back of my hands and bit down on my lip. I was so stupid to think that he really felt the same about me, to think he could ever feel that way about me again, after what I did to him. hold on, I shouldn't be blaming myself here, he was the one that slept with my best friend, he was the one to blame. I dug my hands into my pocket and pulled out a crinkled up cigarette, I then stuck my hand in the other and pulled out a lighter, I silently thanked god. I knew I was trying to quit, but I was awful at handling stress, so I turned to these things. I placed the stick between my lip, lit it and took a long harsh drag, flicking the ash to the side after.

It took what felt like forever for Amy to finally get home. When she saw me, confusion struck her features; they then softened when she saw the countless tears streaming down my cheeks. "Mitchie? What's wrong?" she asked, sitting down on the step next to me.

I sniffed. "Shane's the dad" my voice was raspy as I rubbed my nose. Amy looked at me strangely, indicating she didn't know what I was talking about. "He's the father of Caitlyn's baby"

Her eye widened and her face dropped. "You're fucking kidding me right"

I sighed. "I really wish I was Amy, I really do". I let a small whimper escape from my cold lips as Amy wrapped her arms around my shoulders. "im so stupid Amy" I cried into her shoulder.

She shook her head. "No you are not Mitchie, you didn't know, they are in the wrong here, not you"

"I know they are, I just want to punch her in the face but I cant" I said. "You can't hit pregnant women," I mumbled. I felt Amy chuckle a little and I found myself smiling.

"Doesn't mean you can't hit Shane," she reasoned. "I could always do it for you, I'd love to kick the bastard in his precious balls for breaking your heart" she said angrily, but a hint of amusement in her voice. "Come on" she said nudging my side. "Let's get you inside" she pulled me up by my hand and opened up her door, leading me inside. We sat down on the couch and she looked at me with soft eyes. "What does Nate think"

my eyes widened. "He doesn't know" I whispered. "How am I going to tell him Amy, he is going to be devastated" I dropped my head in my hands and shook it.

"You have to tell him though" Amy patted my back.

I groaned. "I can't exactly tell him over the phone, that's just awful"

"What about, web chat or something" she suggested. I looked at her like she was crazy. "Ok so that's also a bad idea, hey, im only trying to help" she defended.

I sighed. "I know, I guess, I'll have to wait until he comes down to pick up Shane, which is in two days I think because that's when they leave on tour" I told her.

"They're going on tour?" she asked. I nodded and she looked a little sad. "Oh"

"You like Nate don't you Amy" it was a random question but I had a strong feeling she did.

She blushed. "Honestly?" she asked, I nodded. She sighed. "I don't know Mitch, I mean, we have been talking a bit over the phone, I mean, last night I was up till like 3 am talking to him, but he still loves Caitlyn, and I still love Brad, don't even ask me why because I seriously don't know, I just, don't want to rush into things with him and possibly ruin what could be a really good friendship" she told me wisely.

I smiled at my friend in admiration. "You're really wonderful Amy, and Nate would be the luckiest guy on earth if he were to be with you" she smiled and pulled me into her arms. I pressed my head just above her collarbone and sighed. "Why does everything always have to be so hard Amy, goodbye's especially"

"I don't know Honey" she answered. "Goodbye's are only hard if you really care about that person, saying goodbye to Shane was hard for you because you love him more than you realise" she told me. I looked up at her and she smiled. "I've seen the way you look at each other, trust me, there is some sexual frustration going on" she giggled.

"Shut up! He wears a pur-" I stopped myself short, I guess, I could use that excuse anymore, he had broken his promise to god so he didn't need to wear it anymore, yet he had been for the past month. "Well, doesn't matter anymore, he's already lost his virginity to Caitlyn" I sighed. "I don't ever want to see him again Amy" I snivelled loudly.

She sighed. "I know Mitchie" she stroked my tangled hair. "I don't want to see him either, because if I do, I will have the strong urge to severely hurt the boy," she threatened.

"I'll help" I huffed out, dropping my head back on her shoulder and closing my eyes, a couple tears escaping.

**hope you enjoyed it :) sorry if it was a little boring, i promise, the next one is going to be so much better! anyway's, you know the drill... REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW!**


	17. Chapter 17

Because of You

Chapter 17

Have you ever accidentally placed your hand on a hot surface for the fraction of a second before pulling away and seeing that it had left a blistering mark? The pain that surges through you at that moment, I felt like that right now, I felt like someone had burned me all over my body. I was sprawled out across my sofa, cigarette in hand and an empty bottle of wine in front of me, and it was only 11 am. Amy burst through the doors with tissues in hand and nicotine patches. "Put one these on your arm" she threw the box at me.

I scoffed and threw them to the side, taking another long drag. "They don't work Amy, they are a load of shit" I spat. "Like every other thing on this damn planet"

She rolled her eyes. "Seriously, stop taking everything out on the world, you should be mad at Shane, not everyone else" she said.

"Oh trust me, I am mad at Shane, I am fucking furious, I just want to kick him right in his baby makers" I seethed. As soon as the words came from my mouth I wanted to kick myself, maybe I should kick him there, so he cant get any other girls pregnant. Stupid purity ring wearing-promise breaking-hormone raging- dick head.

"Come on Mitchie, you look like shit, go have a shower and change out of those PJ's, they're horrible" Amy sighed as she snatched the glass of wine out of my hands. I huffed and walked into the bathroom. I lifted my eyes to look in the mirror and I swear I almost had a heart attack; the girl looking back was not me. This girl had bags under her eyes, which were red and sore, her face was pale and her usual soft brown eyes seemed dull and lifeless. I didn't like this person. Groaning, I tore off my baggy clothes and climbed inside the shower. The one thing I loved about showers is that it was like he water was washing away every mistake, ever wrong decision and every ounce of pain, it was like starting fresh, but once you hit the cold air, it all came back, I know it was weird but that was how I felt. I wrapped a plain towel under my arms and walked out to Amy. She was sat on the sofa, her eyes watching me carefully. "Feel any better?" she asked.

I shrugged. "A little" I lied. I didn't think I could ever feel better I mean, the person I really liked was the father of my best friends kid, that was never going to be ok with me. "So, what are we doing today?" I sighed.

She held up a box set. "Vampire diaries Marathon?" she suggested with a wiggle of her eyebrows.

I felt a rush of happiness. "As long as you pause at the shirtless Damon parts" I smirked and dashed into my room to get into something comfortable. Today felt like it was going to be a good day.

**Tuesday. **

Today I decided I was going to enrol in Barnard college 20 minutes from me. I was so nervous as I hadn't been in school for almost 6 months, it was going to be hard as I left in the middle of my exams, hopefully they would understand. I tied my hair in a bun on top of my head, some jeans and a white blouse along with my plain black pumps and blazer. I turned to Amy who was dragging her suitcases through the door, she insisted on moving in so she could keep an eye on me, I was glad because I didn't like being alone. "How do I look?" I asked, spinning around once.

She smiled. "You look sexy yet sophisticated" she said with a wink.

I smiled a small smile. "Thanks, right it's 10 past 3, I better go, I'll be back later" I called as I threw on my coat and dashed out to my car, a banged up mini.

As I drove I breathed in and out, reassuring myself that everything was going to be fine, I was going to get a place in this college and I was going to move on with my life, finally get the fresh start I so desperately need. But just as I pulled into the car park for the school my phone began to ring, as I looked at the caller and I felt the familiar churning in the pit of my stomach. _Shane Grey _jumped out at me as my phone blasted Play My Music by connect three. I gritted my teeth and pressed the little red button. I decided to change my ring tone and what he was saved under. The next time he would ring, _Dick head_ would pop up and an unreleased song by them, move on, would blast out. I smirked and threw my phone onto the passenger seat before I jumped out of the car and walked into the school.

**Wednesday. **

I was in front of the computer looking at Connect three photos with a bucket of ice cream and tissues next to me. I sniffed and scrolled down to see if there was any news on them.

Amy came through the front door. "Mitchie! Get off that" she demanded as she came over and turned off the screen. I groaned and dropped my head onto the desk. "Come on, all this moping isn't healthy, I mean, you start school next week, you don't want to go back being all depressed do you"

"It's not my fault ok," I yelled. "How would you like it if someone you loved was the father of your _best friends _baby" I stood up and pointed at her. "It fucking hurts ok and that pain isn't just going to go away" I spat.

"Hey don't yell at me! im only trying to help you here" she yelled back as she threw her hands up.

"Well sometimes I just want to be left alone ok, I don't need you watching over me 24/7 ok" I sighed.

She nodded. "Ok, im sorry for smothering you I just…don't like seeing you upset, you're my best friend Mitchie" she sighed. I felt a rush of affection as I pulled her into my arms, I shouldn't have yelled at her, I guess I just wasn't used to someone wanting to look out for me, I had grown up being so dependant on only myself, it was a little strange. She was a bit caught off guard but wrapped her short arms around my waist for a few moments before pulling away. "Do you know where Caitlyn, went?" she asked quietly, but by how the words came out they didn't really sound like a question, it sounded like she knew, but she wanted to know if I did.

I hadn't actually thought about that, I only really cared about her getting out of my apartment I hadn't really thought of where she would go. I shrugged, "No idea, probably living with Shane or one of his friends"

She shook her head. "Shane still lives at home and she's definitely not there, I spoke to Nate, he told me she's living with Ella for the time being while she tried and finds a job and get a place of her own" she shrugged, her silk hair falling behind her shoulders.

I sighed. "Wonderful for her, to be honest I couldn't give two fucks about where she is right now, as long as she is nowhere near me" I ground my teeth together and turned on the TV, _Footage of connect three's summer tour_ was currently on. As I saw Shane stroll the stage I felt the tears rush to my eyes, why did he have to look so flawless all the time, it made not missing him even harder, the way he put his hand over his chest when he sung a meaningful song always made me smile but now, it made me want to cry. Amy went to take the remote away from me but I moved it away. "No" I whispered, my eyes never leaving the TV. I then heard a familiar song come through the TV speakers. _Every time I think im closer to the heart, of what It means to know just who I am. _I closed my eyes and let out a long breath through my nose, this was the song he sang to me at camp once, it was one of my fondest memories, something I looked back to when I needed something to cheer me up. I then switched off the TV as it was too painful to watch. "Why is it so hard to forget about him"

"Because it's only been a few day's Mitch" Amy said, her eyebrows raised, I sighed, well it felt like years.

**Thursday. **

My phone buzzed, I picked up without looking at the caller ID. "Hello?" I yawned, my eyes still closed.

"Mitchie, hey it's Nate" came the 18-year-olds chirpy voice.

I arched my back and swung my legs over the bed. "Hey Nate, what's up?" I asked. I was tempted to ask how Shane was but then I decided that it was something I really shouldn't even care about.

"Nothing really, I was just…wondering how you're holding up, after you know, everything that happened" he coughed awkwardly. I sighed.

"I've been a lot better Nate" I said honestly. "Im starting school next week and the coffee shop has been pretty busy as it's getting colder" I shrugged.

"Good to here you're going back to school, aren't you going to ask how Shane is?" he asked.

I sighed, I couldn't hide my curiosity. "How is he Nate?" I bit my lip.

"He's been pretty shit and I don't even know why, he keeps avoiding me too, he said there was something that happened between you but he wont tell me what it is, he wont even look me in the eye any more, I don't know what I've done wrong Mitch" he sighed, I felt like punching Shane right in the face at this moment, when Nate found out that Shane had slept with Caitlyn, he was going to kill him.

"You haven't done anything wrong ok Nate, it's Shane's fault" I told him.

"What did he do Mitchie?" he asked curiously. I sighed, I better tell him now before he found out by someone else or a magazine for that matter.

"Shane's going to be a dad Nate" I said quickly.

He didn't speak for a few moments. "You're pregnant?" he asked in a low voice.

My eyes widened. "No! no, not me, im not pregnant, erm I don't now how you're going to take this Nate" I but down on my lip.

"Tell me Mitchie" he pleaded.

"He's the dad of Caitlyns baby" I said slowly. "Im sorry Nate"

"What?" he whispered, his voice was thick and it sounded like he was going to cry. "Please tell me you're joking" he begged. "Mitchie, you are joking right"

"Oh Nate" I sympathised. "I really wish I was". For one moment I thought he was going to slam the phone down on me but when I heard his shaky sigh I knew he wasn't going to, he was going to need a friend right now.

"I can't believe this," he whispered. "My own brother, my own fucking brother" he croaked. "And you" he hissed. "You knew all along and you didn't tell me! how long ago did this happen?"

I swallowed. "A month ago"

"A month?" he asked breathlessly. "how long have you known?" he yelled. "Im coming to New York, im going to kill him" he spat and with that he slammed the phone down, not giving me a chance to answer. I dropped the phone and began to rub my temples, my eyes then widened, he's coming to New York. Shit! I picked my phone back up and scrolled through my contacts. I stopped at one name, should I call him? before I could really decide my finger had pressed he green button.

"Mitchie" his husky voice filled my ears. "Im so glad you called, I need-"

"Shut up a minute Shane" I hissed. "Im not calling because I want to talk to you, I need to know if you're still in New York"

"Erm yeah I am, I'll be back to LA the day after tomorrow, why?" he asked.

I sighed. I cant believe I was going to say this. "You need to come to my apartment tomorrow" I demanded before hanging up without giving him a chance to say anything. With that little conversation I felt the sting in my chest, but I couldn't cry, I think I was all cried out.

**Friday. **

"Come in" I muttered as I moved for the side. he took a cautious step inside, I didn't look at him as I walked into the living room.

"Mitchie, can you just look at me please" he begged as he locked his fingers around my wrist. I sucked in a breath and slowly pulled it from his grasp.

"I- I can't" I croaked as I turned my head away. "It still hurts Shane, and it will for a while" I sat down and so did he. "I called you here because someone needs to talk to you" the thought of Shane and Nate being in the same room frightened me. "I told Nate" I whispered.

"You what!" he yelled, his voice so loud he was almost screaming. "You told him! why would you do that, now he is going to hate me" his eyes were wild and his hands were buried in his dark brown locks.

"He deserves to know Shane seeing as it was his girlfriend you slept with that the time" I hissed, before I got the chance to say another word, the doorbell went. "Come in" I hollered.

Nate slowly opened the door and when his eyes fell upon Shane, his eyes were blazing and his face was a void of emotion. "You" his voice cracked with emotion.

Shane stood up and reached his arms out to his brother as if to pull him into a hug. "Nate let me explain"

"Don't touch me" he spat as he pushed him away.

Shane tried to touch him again. "Nate im so sorry-"

"I said don't touch me" Nate yelled louder than I had ever heard him before. "Stay the hell away from me" he backed away, heading for the door.

But Shane followed him, grabbing his arm. "Nate, wait-"

He didn't get the chance to finish. Nate punched him in the face. I covered my mouth as Shane stumbled back a few paces, clutching his mouth and looking at Nate in shock. He had his fists balled and he looked so angry he could spit venom. His chest was heaving and I stared at him in disbelief, Shane was busy groaning in pain and wiping his bloody lip. And just what we needed, Caitlyn ran through the door, well waddled. "Mitchie please we need to talk" she stopped dead when she saw Nate. "Nate" she whispered.

"You lied to me" he hissed. "After telling me you loved me! it was all a lie, one big fucking lie!" he yelled. "My own Brother Caitlyn" he shook his head.

Her eyes clouded over with tears. "Nate I never lied to you, I do love you, I really do, I never meant to hurt you, I promise" she tried to tell him as she went for his hand but he pulled away and darted out of the apartment. Caitlyn covered her face with her hands, Shane looked at her with no sympathy then to me.

"Why?" was all he whispered before running out the door after Nate. I felt tears of my own fall freely down my face. "Leave" I ordered looking Caitlyn.

"Im so sorry" she whispered. "I never wanted for any of this to happen" she said, her eyes lowering to her still flat stomach. I sighed and looked down with her, a little Shane was growing in there and that's all that seemed to invade my mind.

"Get out" I seethed with anger. "Now"

She nodded and walked out with her head hanging. I really hope Nate was ok, this was all my fault, I fell into bed with a heavy heart and pounding head.

**Saturday. **

I hadn't heard from anyone yet, except Nate who stopped by late last night, I was asleep but I heard him talking to Amy, well he was sort of crying too. I had no idea where Shane was, probably back in LA like he said he was going to be, and as for Caitlyn, probably back at Ella's crying about her all too hard life, should have thought about it all before jumping into bed with Shane.

**Sunday. **

Jason called, we were on the phone for a few hours and he was filling me in on everything that was happening at home, he said things were awful, even his parents were hardly speaking to Shane, Nate spent most of his time in his room, he didn't talk to anyone, and Shane was hardly ever home, nor did he speak to anyone. He hated his family fighting and I could tell by the way his voice cracked a couple times while talking to me, I felt so sorry for him and I felt partially responsible, I shouldn't have told Nate, I should have left that to Caitlyn. This was my fault, I should just have kept my big mouth shot and maybe Nate wouldn't be so torn and Shane wouldn't have a fat lip (even though he definitely deserved it) I said I'd call Jason soon before hanging up and crying myself to sleep. I had school the next day, fantastic.

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	18. Chapter 18

Because of You

Chapter 18

"Time for school!" Amy shouted as she ripped open my curtains. I groaned and slammed the pillow over my head. "Come on Mitch, get up" she said as she pulled the pillow and covers from me.

"Bitch" I muttered as I swung my legs over the bed and rubbed my eyes. "im thinking of just staying home, I feel like shit and I didn't have the best week last week" I sighed. Shane had gone home, so had Nate and I didn't know where Caitlyn was, but I heard that she had gone and stayed with a friend in New Jersey.

"You're going to school whether you like it or not, you need an education, you cant keep working at the coffee shop" she said, throwing some clothes at me. I groaned and slouched into the bathroom to get ready.

Once I was dressed I walked into the kitchen to see Amy sitting down eating. "So, what are your plans for today?" I asked. She shrugged and mumbled something but I couldn't make it out because her mouth was full, I snickered and sat down next to her. "Try swallowing before you eat"

She swallowed loudly. "I've got work, then I have to go to my moms for dinner, my aunt is down for a few days and I have to spend the evening with her, are you going to be ok on your own?" she asked.

I scoffed. "Amy I'll be fine, im not a kid". That was a lie, I didn't want to be left alone, I hated it, every time I had been alone recently I had always thought about cutting again, I hadn't done it in a while but thinking back to how it relieved some of my stress I almost gave in. the only thing that stopped me was the thought of Amy if she found out that I had turned to it again, I shuddered every time. "Anyway, im working nights not aren't I, so I'll be bus with work" I told her.

She nodded. "Good point, well I wont be back too late, but I better get to work, have a good day at school" she said as she gave me a quick hug before dashing out the door. I sighed and leant back on the chair. What I wouldn't give to just crawl back into bed and just cry myself to sleep, but I had been gone for the last couple, I hadn't cried once, I was too numb to cry, and I had done enough of it over the last couple weeks anyway. Hopefully now I was done with all the drama in my life and I could finally start fresh. But when I thought about starting again I thought to Shane, he was always supposed to be the one for, it would be so strange going on without him, recently he had made a huge impact on my life and it was like he had left a permanent mark on me. it was like there was a whole in me that only he could fill and I would never be whole without him. I shook my head; I shouldn't be thinking about him, I should be going now. Slinging on my coat and boots, I grabbed my bag and keys and left.

The car ride there seemed all to fast and It felt like a two minute drive when it was actually ten minutes. When I stepped out of my car I groaned loudly, it was raining. I hated winter; it was not my season. I pulled my hood up and dashed inside. Luckily no one really took any notice that I was the new person, I hate that, you hear it in a lot of stories, you're the new girl and everyone's eyes are on you, I wouldn't like to experience that. I looked down at the schedule I had been giving and made my way to my first lesson. I saw that only a few people in the room so I just went and sat at the back.

"Hey" came a voice behind me. I turned around to see a very good-looking guy. "Are you new?" he asked as he sat at the desk next to me.

I nodded. "Yeah, im Mitchie" I stuck my hand out. "You?"

He shook my hand. "Im Tyler, it's nice to meet you," he said with a sweet smile. I smiled back; he was seriously hot. He had blonde surfer hair with ocean blue eyes, he had a lopsided grin but it suited him and he was well built. He went to say something but the teacher walked in along with a bunch of students following closely behind her.

"Ok kids, sit down, take out you're books and turn to where we were on Friday" she said, her eyes scanning the room until they fell upon me. "Ah you must be out new student, Mitchie Torres"

the whispers began. I sighed, I had forgot, merely two weeks ago I had been in a magazine for possibly being pregnant with Shane's child. I nodded. "That's me" I said nervously.

She nodded and handed me a book along with another one. "We are on page 59, but you can catch up at home" she said before walking back to the front. I sighed and opened the book, Romeo and Juliet, just great. Groaning, I opened up the page and began to read. I looked at the task sheet to see what we had to do. We had to write a review on the book. I slumped back in my seat and skimmed through the pages, I'd just read it tonight. I then felt someone tapping my shoulder. I turned to my right to see a blonde girl.

"Can I help you?" I asked, setting the book down.

"Did you used to date Shane grey?" she asked eagerly, her brown eyes twinkling with excitement. I sighed quietly and shook my head before turning back to the book, I didn't want to deal with this; I didn't want to be known as the girl who 'dates Shane Grey'. I wanted him out of my life fully; I never even wanted to hear his name again. I looked up at the clock and prayed that time would go faster so I could leave.

As soon as we were dismissed I darted out of the room so quickly I almost knocked over a few people in my way. I looked down at the piece of paper to see where my locker was. When I was there Tyler came up to me. "Hey, you got out there pretty fast" he joked.

I stifled a small laugh. "Yeah, I guess I don't like being in classrooms for too long" I lied lamely. I rolled my eyes at myself; well that was such a pathetic lie.

But he laughed. "no one does, anyway I was wondering what you had next?" he pulled the paper from my hands and looked at it. "Ahh finance, why did you pick that?" he asked with a raised an eyebrow.

Because im boring and don't know what to do with my life. "It just seems interesting" I shrugged. He nodded, a guy then walked past and I caught Tyler looking at his butt. I looked at him confused. Was he, gay? "Tyler?" I snapped my fingers in front of his face. He mumbled and nodded his head, bringing his attention back to me. "Were you, looking at his butt?" I asked. His eyes widened as the colour rushed to his cheeks. "You were, weren't you" I smirked and nudged his side.

He swatted my hand away. "Shhh" he said. "Keep your voice down" he held his finger to my lip.

"Are you gay?" I whispered. His eyes widened but they then went back to normal as he nodded slowly, a sigh escaping his perfectly plump lips.

"Please don't tell anyone," he begged, gripping my hand. The look in his eyes made him look so desperate. I nodded and patted his arm, I wonder how people hadn't found out already, I mean, he wasn't exactly discrete about it.

I nodded. "I wont, doesn't anyone know?" I asked. He sighed again and shook his head. "Why not?" being gay was nothing to be ashamed of.

He shrugged. "If people find out you're gay here, your life wont be the same, they will bully you, make a fool out of you, just ruin your life all together, I don't want that, I'd rather be a closeted gay" he said with a sad smile. "Anyway there is only one other gay in the school and he tries so hard not to be, he makes gay jokes, sleeps with as many girls as he can and is just an ass" he shrugged.

"Does he know you're gay?" I asked curiously.

He shook his head frantically. "Oh god no, he is the last person I would tell" he grumbled angrily. I held back a giggle as he pouted out his bottom lip.

I elbowed him lightly in the ribs. "Hey, don't pout, let's go" we then headed to our next lessons. In my next lesson I saw something that made me want to run home and never come out again, a girl was reading a magazine and on the front page in the corner there was the title 'Shane Grey seen going into a mystery girl's house' then there was a picture of Shane going into my apartment and then there was one of me next to it. Fuck, fuck, fuck! I sunk back into my seat and closed my eyes. I then heard the girl's gasp from beside me. I opened one eye and looked at her.

She looked from the magazine to me. "That's you! you're the mystery girl" she shrieked, drawing a few more peoples attention.

My eyes widened. "Can you please keep your voice down" I hissed at her. Her smile didn't fade though. "Before you ask, no im not dating him, we're just, friends" the last word was a but of a struggle to say because well, I was trying to hate him. I was failing though. This time her smile fell a little, I guess she just wanted to know what it was like to date a celebrity, but looking at her, she looked like one of those band sluts, bleach blonde hair, blue eyes thick with make-up and huge boobs. I rolled my eyes at her and turned back to the front. She didn't stop looking at me though, I groaned lightly and dropped my head onto the desk. I was never going to have a normal life.

The day seemed to drag on forever and I felt like crying when I remembered that it was only Monday, I still had four more days of this until the weekend. But when it was finally I ran outside, got home, and sped home. Now I had work. Fuck my life.

Unlocking the door to my apartment, I fell onto the couch. Amy walked in from the kitchen with a bowl of food, I laughed and sat out. "Have enough food?" she flipped me off and sat down on the other couch. "How was work?" I asked, snatching a chip.

She shrugged. "Kind of busy, did I tell you Trish quit, she works in a bar now 20 minutes from the café" she said. I shook my head and raised an eyebrow. "So, how was school?"

I groaned. "Torture, I hated it, I made a friend though, his names Tyler" she wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. "He's gay" I said, her face fell and I laughed a little. "And I got asked twice if I was dating Shane, turns out im on another magazine cover as 'the mystery girl'" I rolled my eyes and threw my head back. "Now I have to go get ready for work" I groaned loudly and stomped into my room to change into my uniform. Amy's tinkling laugh trailing behind me.

As I was lifting my shirt over my head Amy shouted "Nate called earlier". I stopped and walked out to her, shirt halfway on. "He asked how you were" she said with a side grin.

I swallowed. "What did you tell him?" I asked nervously.

She shrugged. "I said you're getting better but you're still pretty shit" I sighed. "Was I not supposed to say that?"

I shook my head. "You were only telling the truth, how is he?" I asked. When she sighed again I knew he couldn't be good.

"He sounded awful, he's normally so talkative, he could hardly keep up a conversation" she looked at me. "Go ahead, ask how Shane is" I bit my lip and looked down.

I shouldn't care, but something in the back of my mind was screaming at me. "How is he?" I whispered.

"He's shit apparently" she said. "Him and Nate aren't even talking, his parents hardly talk to him either, the only people that do talk to him are Jason and Frankie, probably because frank is too young to understand what's going on and Jason just cant stay mad at people, no matter what they do" she stated. I sighed and leant against the wall. "He asked about you too" she said, her eyes softening.

I closed my eyes as the tears sprung. "What did you tell him?" I asked.

"Exactly what I told Nate," she said honestly. I let out a long breath and nodded. I didn't want him to know that I was hurting over im, I wanted him to believe that I was fine without him. but that wouldn't work because it was far from true, no matter how hard I tried to hate him, I was always going to love him.

"Amy" I muttered. She lifted her head up and looked at me. "Is it bad that I still love him" she shook her head. "Ok, is it bad that I want to forgive him" this time she nodded.

"That's bad because of what he did and he should never be forgiven" I sighed and looked down. "But everyone needs a little bad in their lives" I snapped my head up and looked her; she had a mischievous grin on her face. "I think you need to see him, sort things out once and for all" she said as she walked back into the kitchen. I sighed, why did I want to forgive him, he had ripped my heart hear out and stomped on it so many times, but yet, I wasn't mad anymore, sure I was hurt, but I had forgiven him, I had forgiven him the minute he walked out my door. I grabbed my keys and walked out, Amy was right, I did need to see him so we could sort things out once and for all. I know knew what they meant when they said love makes us do crazy things.

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	19. Chapter 19

Because of you

Chapter 19

2 days later…

I was sitting there, in my car, parked in the grey's driveway just looking up at the large white house. Why was I even here? I heard a noise, which was coming from the front door and quickly ducked so they could see me, but then I realised that wouldn't make a difference, my car stood out enough. I groaned and slowly sat up to see Jason waiting at my window. I rolled it down slowly. "Hey Jas"

"I didn't think you would come Mitch" he said, a smile toying on the corners of his mouth. "Im glad you did though, Shane's going to be so happy you're here" he opened the door for me and I got out, looking around in the process. "No one's home, and I have to go out, but Shane will be back any minute so you can go wait in his room" he touched my arm in a kind gesture before running over to his car. Shutting my door, I slowly walked over to the slightly open front door. When I was inside I looked around with a small smile on my lips. Nothing had changed since I was last here. I took my shoes off before I walked up to Shane's room.

Like always, it was a total mess, I laughed slightly before sitting on his bed. I didn't even know if I was making the right decision on coming here, did I even want to forgive. Sadly I knew all the answers to them, I had made the wrong decision but I did want to forgive him because I loved him. i wouldn't have got much of a chance to even try and go back if i wanted to because I then heard a noise coming from downstairs, and seconds later Shane burst through the door, chest heaving and hair askew. "I saw your car" he panted. "What are you doing here?" he asked, a beautiful smile on his even more gorgeous face.

I shrugged, that is something I hadn't really thought out, I didn't know what I was even going to say to him. "Honestly" I said. "I don't know" he carefully sat beside me. I shook my head, "I know I shouldn't have even come, you don't deserve to be forgiven" I said, his face fell slightly as he bowed his head. "But that doesn't mean im not going to" his head snapped up and a familiar twinkle was in his eyes.

"You forgive me?" he asked, the hope in his voice made me smile slightly.

"I still don't trust you," I answered honestly. "You're going to have to work hard to earn back my trust, but" I nodded. "I do forgive you" the golden smile slithered across his face as he threw his arms around me.

He pulled back and cupped my face with is large hands. "I love you Mitchie" those words were enough to make me happy. Looking at him properly, he looked like shit.

"You look awful" I giggled.

He groaned. "Way to kill the moment Mitch" he sighed. "I know, I haven't exactly been sleeping well the past week" his eyebrows then raised. "Why aren't you in school?" he asked.

"We had like a teacher conference day so we didn't have to come in, so I'll have to leave LA tonight to get back in time" I sighed. He nodded, his eyes then fogging up.

"I really am sorry Mitch, I fucked up so bad, I don't even deserve to be forgiven" he bowed his head, taking both of my hands.

"I know you don't, but I cant help it" I sighed, he was my real weakness, I was always going to forgive him, and he knew that. "But there in one thing I am questioning" I said. He looked up at me, "I don't truly believe that you love me" his face fell and he was about to speak but I held my hand up to silence him. "If you really loved me Shane, you wouldn't have slept with my best friend" he bit his quivering lip. "I came here to be friends with you" I said, my voice thick with tears.

"I never forgot you know" he said, finally looking in my eyes. I raised an eyebrow in question so he continued. "I remember everything about you"

I shook my head. "Shane, Don't" I begged, but he went on anyway.

He shook his head. "I remember how you hate your laugh because you think it makes you sound like a guy, when it doesn't. I remember how in the morning you always take 5 minutes to fully get up and when you do you have a coffee before you do anything. I remember how you crinkle your nose when someone say's something that makes you feel uncomfortable. I remember how when I say something stupid you always agree with me just to make me happy. I remember the first time you told me that you liked me. I remember that whenever you cry, you force a smile onto your face because you don't want to seem weak. I remember that when I used to hold you, you would instantly bury your face in my neck and place a small kiss below my ear. I remember the day I fell in love with you, and I know you love me too" he finished, his hand running down my face.

I looked at him in wonder; he really did remember everything about me. I bit my lip and looked down, the tears threatening to fall.

"It didn't mean anything, it was a mistake" he repeated. I shook my head and sighed.

"that doesn't matter Shane" I shrugged. "We're just going to try and be friends" I swallowed back the lump in my throat.

"After everything we're just going to be friends?" he asked, I nodded. "Do you know how hard it was for me to just sit around and wait for you, I never stopped loving you Mitchie and you know that, I thought you did too but I slowly lost faith because you never once showed me that you cared" I went to protest but he didn't let me. "I thought you had fallen out of love with me so I just gave up, and I went to Caitlyn" I sighed. "But the feelings just came back twice as strong because I realised no one can ever take your place" he touched my face. "We can be happy again Mitch, we can do this" he whispered. The tears then began to fall freely down my face as he pressed his forehead against mine.

"Things have to be different"

He nodded. "Of course"

"It's not going to be easy," I warned.

"I know" he said softly. I closed my eyes for a few moments, I didn't respond but a tiny squeak slipped out when I felt his gentle lips graze mine. Keeping my eyes shut I allowed him to capture my top lip in a sweet, passionate kiss as he pulled me closer with one arm.

Pulling away I opened my eyes to see his watching me eagerly for a reaction. "Don't make me regret this Shane," I warned, a small smile on my lips. He didn't say anything, he just caught my lips once more. "I—I love you" I whispered, my voice small and weak. He looked at me with his caramel eyes and smiled.

"I love you to Mitchie" he smiled. "Do you want some ice cream?" he asked. I giggled and nodded. He slipped his had into mine and we walked downstairs. I felt Shane stop when we saw Nate. His eyes looked at us and slowly fell upon our linked hands.

"At least some of us are happy," he muttered bitterly before slumping into the living room. I looked at Shane who was watching after Nate with a creased up face. I gave his hand a gentle squeeze before pulling him into the kitchen.

"He needs to talk to Caitlyn" I said with a sigh. Sure she didn't even deserve Nate's time after what she did but Shane didn't deserve mine, yet I gave it to him, hell I just told him I loved him and here we were, holding hands. Maybe she deserved another chance too.

"I don't want that whore anywhere near my brother" he spat angrily.

"Shane" I said. "She deserves another chance, like the one I gave you" I expected him to say something but he didn't, because he knew I was right. "You both made mistakes, but if can give you a second chance, Nate can give Caitlyn one" I told him before getting up and walking into the living room where Nate was. He was staring at the blank TV, not moving an inch when I sat next to him.

"How are you?" I asked, gently touching his arm.

He shrugged. "Fine" he answered bluntly.

I sighed. "Don't lie to me Nate, we all know you're doing terrible" I said. "Just talk to Caitlyn," I pleaded.

"Just because you were stupid enough to forgive Shane doesn't mean I have to forgive her, she shattered my heart Mitchie" I winced at his words.

"Im not Stupid" I protested sternly. "I just have a heart, everyone deserves to be forgiven, sure they did a fucked up thing but it isn't the end of the world Nate, so, get off your ass, get in the shower because you look dreadful and you don't smell that good either, and call Caitlyn" I ordered. "You don't have to get back with her, just, give her a second chance at being your friend" I said gently.

He sighed. "Fine" he then looked at me before pulling me into a friendly embrace. "You're a good friend Mitch," he whispered. He then stood up and made his way to the door.

"Oh and Nate" he turned around. "Don't be so hard on Shane, he loves you and wants to make things better"

He nodded. "I know, and ok," he said before leaving. I let out a deep breath and flung my head against the sofa. My mind then drifted to Amy. Shit! She had a thing for Nate and I just basically told him to get back with Caitlyn. Ughh she's going to hate me now. I groaned and stood up. Only to almost smack into Shane. I laughed.

"Hi there" he smirked, dipped his head and caught my lips. "You're going to kiss me a lot now aren't you"

"At any chance I get" he mumbled against my lips. "Unless you don't want me too" he began to pull away but I shook my head and pulled him closer by his v-neck shirt. He laughed and put a little more effort into the kiss before puling away. "I don't really want my parents to walk into the living room to see us making out so, why don't we got upstairs" he wiggled his eyebrows.

I laughed and shook my head. "There is no way im going back in your room its horrible, I remember the last time I came here, it was a wreck, you could barely open the door". It was true, Shane was the messiest out of all three brothers, and by messy I mean he lived like a pig, he had clothes everywhere, empty food plates on his desk, hair product spilled everywhere (he took very good care of his hair).

He gasped in mockery. "How dare you!" his voice was an octave higher. I laughed and shook my head, beginning to make my way out of the living room. "And anyway, it's not even that messy" he shrugged and crossed his arms over his sculpted chest.

I laughed. "You're Shane grey, you're always going to be the messy one, and it's a tip in your bedroom, I couldn't even see the floor" I flashed him a sweet smiled before strutting into the kitchen. I saw Nate eating some cookies, I laughed and shook my head. "Don't eat too many and make sure you check your-" I began to say but he cut me off with a roll of his eyes.

"Yeah yeah, check my sugar levels, I got it mom" he huffed and finished the last cookie. Shane then walked in. Nate stood up slowly. "Shane" he said with a nod of his head.

Shane looked shocked to see that his brother was finally talking to him. "Hey Nate" his voice was soft and caring, showing that he missed his brother a lot. Nate walked over cautiously before pulling Shane into a brotherly hug. "I miss you Bro" Shane said into his shoulder.

"I missed you too" Nate said awkwardly, he had never been one for affectionate moments. He pulled away, gave me a crooked smile and walked out.

Shane looked at me with sparkling eyes. "Did you say something to him?" he asked.

I nodded. "I may have mentioned that brothers shouldn't fight over a girl, that's one main reason why families get torn apart, he agreed with me on that" I shrugged and was caught off guard when Shane engulfed me into a bone crushing hug, but it also nice in a way. I laugh.

"Put me down, you're killing me" I shrieked, my voice was strained. He chuckled and set me down.

"I love you Mitchie," he said affectionately. His smile seemed to make my knees go weak at the sight of it.

I smiled up at him, his caramel eyes boring into mine. "I love you too Grey" I reached up and gave him a small kiss before wrapping my arms around his neck and burying my face into his shoulder.

**i bet you're all thinking, FINALLY! well, just to tell you, this isn't the end yet, but i hoped you like it. now you know what to do... REVIEWWWWW!**


	20. Chapter 20

Because of You

Chapter 20

"I don't want to go to school," grumbling, I walked into the kitchen, a coffee in hand and a magazine in the other. Amy nodded her head discretely and turned away from me. ever since she had spoken to Nate on the phone she had been a little…off. I just shook it off as period pains. "Is everything ok?" I asked her.

"Everything's fine" she answered bluntly, not even lifting her eyes to meet mine. I began to get a little angry, I mean, she was my best friend, best friends don't things from each other, especially if they are bothering them.

"Come on Amy, don't lie to me," I said softly as I sat down at the table. I was startled when she slammed her mug of tea on the table and looked at me with wild eyes.

"How could you!" she screeched. The look of pure anger clouded her face. Mine was full of confusion, I honestly had no idea what she meant, I hadn't done anything wrong, I had actually been happy for the last two days as me and Shane were good, great even.

"What are you talking about?" I asked as I stood up and stood in front of her. She looked so angry and it frightened me, but there was also pain in her eyes, it was obvious, but you could tell she was trying to push it away. "Have I done something wrong?"

tears made her eyes look glassy. "You knew I liked Nate and you told him to get back with Caitlyn, why would you do that? After…after everything I did for you?" she said in disbelief and while shaking her head.

I shook my head. "No…no I never said that he should get back with her, I just said he should talk to her to straighten things out, but I…I never said the words 'you should get back together with her'" I reassured her. But her facial expression didn't budge, she still looked angry. She chewed violently as she tried to find the right words to say. But all she did was shake her head.

"Well obviously he didn't quite understand what you were suggesting" she looked at me. "And why would you even tell him to make amends with her, she tore him and his family apart, she doesn't deserve a second chance" she hissed angrily. That startled me, Amy was never the type to hold a grudge, she was always the first to forgive.

"That's fair Amy, everyone deserves a second chance" I was about to say more but her false laughed interrupted me.

"Mitchie, she ruined yours and Shane's relationship, she broke Nate's heart, and turned two brothers against each other," she stated accurately. "Forgive me if you believe that someone like that should be given a second chance" she rolled her eyes, sarcasm seeping from her words. Before she could turn away I grabbed her arm.

"Well then why did you give Brad a second chance huh?" I spat, my own anger at it's boiling point. "What he did was much worse Amy yet you took him back as soon as he said he loved you, when he didn't even mean it"

"Shut up" she whimpered. "Shut up" she repeated, her voice stronger. "Don't you dare bring him into this conversation, he has nothing to do with it" she growled, ripping her arm from my grip.

"Then don't be such a fucking hypocrite!" I shouted as she stormed out of the kitchen and out of the apartment. I stomped into my bedroom to get ready fro school, she better not be in when I come home, I really didn't want to deal with her right now. I couldn't believe she actually blamed me for this; none of this was my fault, if anything I was trying to make things better. I wanted Nate to forgive Caitlyn, not take her back; I never even said anything like that! Yet Amy was angry with me, if she wanted to be angry at someone it should wither be Nate or Caitlyn, not me.

once I was in school, I angrily slammed my books into my locker and stormed into my classroom. I bumped into someone on the way in. "Watch where you're going" I hissed. Before I could walk away the person I bumped into caught my arm. I whipped my head round to tell them where to shove it but I sighed when I saw who it was, Craig. "Im sorry"

"Someone's in a bitchy mood today" he clicked his tongue. "Want to tell me what's wrong"

I shook my head. "Not really" but I knew I would end up telling him, he knew everything about me, and I mean everything, even the stage where I turned to a razor to get rid of my problems for a little while. "Sit down, it's a rather long story" and so he sat, and I spent the next 20 minutes telling him about me and Shane, me and Nate, Nate and Caitlyn and Amy. He was face was a mix of expressions throughout my little speech; he was shocked, disgusted, surprised, angry, happy and confused.

"So why is Amy angry with you?" he asked. I sighed and repeated it. He rolled his eyes. "Oh lord, is she seriously blaming that on you? you didn't exactly order Nate to take Caitlyn back" he crossed his arms.

I sighed. "I know, I just don't want her to be mad at me" I pouted. "Maybe I should say sorry to her"

His eyes widened. "But you've done nothing wrong, why should you say sorry?" he asked.

I shrugged. "Because my friendship with her is more important than my pride" I told him. I then pulled out my phone and dialled her number.

"Hello?" she asked, but she had my number, she knew it was me.

"It's me, Mitchie, look, I just wanted to call and say sorry" I sighed and I herd her sigh too.

"No, I should be sorry, you were only trying to help Nate, I shouldn't have been so immature about the situation, I guess my jealousy got the better of me" she said apologetically. I smiled slightly.

"It's ok, we both had things to be sorry for, I just didn't want to loose you as a friend, you've been there for me through a lot and you've helped more than I could have possibly asked for, you're a good friend" I smiled sweetly, I looked to Craig and winked, indicating things were ok.

"You're a good friend, I'll see when you get back from school, and I think you got a package from Shane by the way" she laughed. "It's pretty big"

I squealed in excitement. "Open it and tell me what's inside, no! wait don't, I want to see for myself what it is" I said quickly.

She laughed. "Have a good day, bye" she then hung up. I beamed as I put my phone back in my pocket.

"So im guessing everything's just peachy again?" he said, pointing to the stupid smile plastered onto my face. I nodded and turned back to the front, trying very hard to keep my thoughts on the lecture the teacher was giving, but my mind kept wandering to Shane and what could possibly be in the box. The thought stayed with me for the remainder of the day and when the final bell rang, I swear I had never run so fast to my car. I got home as quick as I could and as soon as I was inside my apartment I began to run in and out of the rooms trying to find the box, when I entered my room I saw a box in the middle of my bed. I walked over to it, yes I walked, I didn't run like a maniac and rip the thing open. I eye the box, it was large but not too big, it was a brown box with lots of stamps on it. I smiled as I opened it slightly. I laughed when I saw what it contained. There was a framed picture of Shane smiling a seriously cheesy grin, I rolled my eyes in amusement as I pulled the next thing out, it was a t-shirt, with the Connect three logo on it, I giggled and pulled it over my head. The next object was their latest CD; this package was like something I won when I joined their fan club or something. The next thing was definitely something you would not get in one of those packages.

It was a pair of girl boxers and a lacy green bra; I blushed a deep shade of pink when I saw what was on the pants. On the bum of them in white print it said 'property of Shane Grey'. I laughed loudly at that and shook my head. A note was visible at the bottom of the box; I opened it and began to read.

_Hey Babe, _

_I hoped you liked your little gift package, I didn't want you too miss me so I gave you some things that you could keep to remind you of me, especially the extremely hot picture of me ;) if you put it by your bed its like im always here, I hoped you liked the underwear too, I know they don't match but im no good with getting girl gifts, but I thought I would add a little something extra too it :) anyway, Mexico is boring without you, I cant wait until you can come out to one of our shows, I have some tickets, all you have to do is call, well, I'll call you soon, miss you xx_

I smiled and set the letter on my bedside, I stared at the underwear again and smirked. I undressed, slipped them on but kept on the Connect three shirt. I took a picture of myself with a cheesy grin like in the picture Shane gave to me. I sent the picture to him, and a mere two minutes later, I got a reply. _Why do you have to be such a tease, I need to see you._ I laughed and typed back my reply. _I just didn't want you missing me so you can keep it to remind you of me ;). _I giggled as he typed back. _That's not fair, I have you a very appropriate picture and I get this, it's hardly fair, you're just teasing me. _I rolled my eyes and threw my phone on the bed. I had to go to work now. But I couldn't stop smiling, I felt butterflies in my stomach as I pulled on my work uniform and skipped out of my apartment, that's right, I actually skipped. Once in my car, I put on Shane's CD and sun loudly along with it, I butchered every song but I didn't care, I felt close to him for the few minutes of every song, his voice and his brothers blasting through my car speakers.

Once at work I saw that Amy was in the kitchen. "How come you're still here?" I asked, placing the coffee pot under the machine. She sighed.

"I need to work double shifts not because no one wants to take Trish's place" she sighed and downed the rest of her coffee. "Shouldn't of got pregnant should she" she hissed.

I almost dropped my mug. "She's…pregnant? With who" I asked in shock. Amy's face creased up in pain and she let out a strangled noise. No. "Please don't say it" she looked down. "Are you shitting me right now"

She shook her head and laughed harshly. "It's Brad's" she swallowed. "My life just keeps getting better and better doesn't it" she sniffed and walked out of the kitchen, ignoring our boss who looked like he wanted to talk to her. He looked at me and I just shook my head, telling him to leave her alone for a little while. I decided to call Nate; he could always make her smile.

"Hey Mitchie, what's up?" he asked. I then heard someone shout my name in the background and the next minute it was Shane on the phone. "Mitchie?" he asked.

"Hey Shane, I kind of need to talk to Nate" I said. I heard him sighed and then I heard shuffling, which meant he was giving the phone back to Nate. "Nate, I need you to do something"

"What is that?"

"Amy just found out that Trish is pregnant…with Brad's baby" I sighed.

I heard his intake of breath. "Amy's ex Brad?"

I nodded to myself. "That's the one, she's quite upset, I was thinking you could call her, cheer her up, she's always seems to be better when you two talk" I told him honestly.

He cleared his throat. "Really?" I smiled. "Ok, I'll call her, I'll talk to you soon Mitch, do you want to talk to Shane?"

I looked to my boss who was pointing to the line of waiting customers. "Tell him I'll call him later" I then hung up the phone quickly and got back to my job. Sneaking a quick glance at Amy I saw her beaming at her ringing phone.

**REVIEW!REVIEW!REVIEW!REVIEW!REVIEWWWWWWWW! THANK YOU :) **


	21. Chapter 21

Because of you

Chapter 21

**2 weeks before Christmas.**

"I miss you" I sighed, twirling a strand of hair around my finger. He had been gone for two weeks now and I felt like pulling my hair out. Sure we had spoken over the phone but not being able to see was agony. He sighed too.

"I miss you too babe" shuffling. "I really wish you were here" shuffling. "It's so boring without you" more shuffling. "I can't wait until you come to see one of our show's" even more shuffling.

"Erm, Shane? Have I caught you at a bad time or something?" I asked. He was obviously trying to do something while being on the phone to me. he had never been great at multitasking, bless him.

he chuckled. "Actually, kind of, im about to go on stage and im trying to get these damn skinny jeans to do up" a lot more shuffling, and grunting. "Can I call you after the show Mitch? I have so much to tell you" he said, his voice contained both excitement and anticipation.

I smiled. "Of course, have a good show Shane, good luck" I heard him mutter a quick I love you before the dial tone rung in my ear. I sighed and dropped my phone onto my bed. This was only the third time we had spoken properly in the last two weeks. All the other phone calls lasted a minute or maybe less as he always had something to do or I had to be somewhere. I looked at the clock, it was 12 am, and Amy should be stumbling through the door any minute. And just on cue, she burst through the door, I expected her to be in giggling hysterics, but she was in a completely different hysteric. She was full out sobbing, make-up running, hair all over the place and clothes a little wonky. "Holy Shit Amy, what happened?"

She sniffed. "I..i saaw Bwaaad at da cwubbb" she slurred as her eyes rolled around everywhere. I grabbed hold of her waist and gently lowered her onto the sofa. Her chest started to heave so I quickly grabbed the bin and stuck it next to her, and almost a second later she threw up the contents of her stomach into it. I crinkled my nose in disgust as I held her knotty hair back. I had expressed a number of times how I didn't like dealing with people when they were crying, but this was beyond crying, she was basically choking on her own sick from sobbing too hard. I have her back a few more gentle rubs before I grabbed a cup and filled it with the water from the tap and handed it to her. She nodded her head and took it from me, chugging it down.

"No…no, just sips, you'll throw up if you drink to fast" I warned her. She nodded again and took small sips of the water. She fell back against the wall and sighed loudly. "Ok, now that you've got everything out of you" I cringed. "Tell me what happened?"

she took a long, deep, gurgling breath. "So I went to that new club opening with Becca and I saw Brad there, he was with a girl I hadn't seen before and he had the nerve to come over to me" she sniffed, tears were still streaking her flushed face. "Then he tried to flirt with me, I mean really? After everything he has done, and getting Trish pregnant, he thinks I will give into him? is he fucking insane" she was now mostly talking to herself other than me as she stared at the wall in front of her. "So I slapped him and left"

I giggled. "Good, I would have done it if you hadn't, but why are your clothes all ripped up?" she looked down, guilt written all over her face. "You had a fight didn't you" she nodded, I sighed. "Who with?"

"The girl brad was with, I don't know what came over me, I just lost it with him and took it out on her" she said sadly.

I shook my head. "Come on Amy, we both know you're better than that, and she didn't do anything to you" she nodded in agreement. "But you were upset, I cant blame you totally"

She smiled and took my hand. "See, this is why you're my best friend"

I laughed. "And this is one of the reasons you are mine, I know who to go to when I need help in an argument" we both laughed. "Come on, lets get you to bed" I helped her up and carried/dragged her into room, where she fell on her bed and fell asleep almost instantly. I walked into my room to hear my laptop making a noise. I walked over to it and flipped it open to see the face of one of my old friends from camp Ella.

"Hello hot stuff" she winked.

I squealed a little. "Holy shit Ella is that you? I haven't spoke to you in so long, how have you been?" I asked.

She smiled. "I've been great, how have you been?" she asked with a twinkle in her eyes.

I nodded. "I've been good" it was sort of a lie but recently I had been great, other than missing Shane. "What are you doing these day's?"

She beamed. "Im a music teacher now at a high school in down town Atlanta, its wonderful" she had a genuine look of happiness in her eyes, which made me smile. I had always loved Ella, she was such a great friend of mine, we sadly lost connection when I went through my dark stage when I didn't talk to anyone. She was always the ditsy friend but god was she a lot of fun, and she really knew how to make you feel better. "What are you doing?" she asked.

"Well, I have a little job in a coffee shop and im in school too, it's a lot of work but it pays the rent, of course the help with my flat mate, Amy" I laughed. Without Amy I would have probably lost this place by now.

She nodded her head frantically. "I've heard about her from Nate, poor guy is smitten" she giggled. "I'd love to meet her, is she home?" she asked, looking around my room.

I nodded, a small laugh slipping from my lips. "She is here, but she's kind of passed out right not in bed, she hasn't had the best of nights, so I was hoping to get Nate to call her in the morning, I think she needs to talk to him right now"

"Aw bless her, what happened?" she asked sympathetically.

"She saw her Ex boyfriend at a club with another girl and then he tried to flirt with her" I sighed. "But he also got her old best friend pregnant, so I can kind of understand why she went a little crazy"

Ella's laugh was like little bells clicking. "She seems like someone I would get a long with, I was speaking to Jason the other day.." she blushed, they had always had a little thing for each other and it deeply frustrated me that they weren't together yet, they really are perfect for each other. "He told me about a party they all went too the other night, it was a Disney party and Nate got a little carried away, had a little too much to drink, got on a table and busted some moves to Hips don't lie and ended up kicking Shane in the head" she laughed and I joined her.

"Oh god I cannot wait to bring that up in a conversation with him, he is going to die from embarrassment" I giggled. " I wish I could have been there"

"I would have totally recorded it," she said with a devilish smile.

I snorted. "Oh god me too, I would show It to him all the time if I ever needed a favour from him" I winked at her. She laughed.

"Oh crap I have to go Mitchie, if you give me your number I'll call you some time" she said as she fumbled around her searching for what I believed to be a piece of paper.

"Erm its" I said told her my number and we exchanged goodbyes before I signed out and closed my laptop. I smiled at my empty screen and climbed into my bed. Right now, it felt like the most comfortable place in the whole world. Just as I was about to close my eyes the loud ringing of my phone jolted my awake. I groaned loudly and snatched it from the ground and answered. "Hello?"

"Hello gorgeous" came Shane's rough voice. I smiled.

"Hello you, good show?" I asked.

"It was absolutely amazing" he said with excitement. "I wish you could have been there, the vibe in the whole arena was unbelievable, you would have loved it, so, what are you doing?" he asked.

"Im currently im bed" I breathed out a small laugh. I was too tired for anything else.

"Oh really" he said huskily. "What are you wearing?" he asked, trying to sound sexy but honestly, he sounded like a hormonal creep.

"Spongebob footsie pyjamas, sexy enough for you" I joked.

He chuckled. "I wish I could see them, did I wake you?"

"No, I was just about to go to sleep actually" I yawned. "Fancy singing me to sleep?" I suggested.

"Of course" he said. "They come and go" his soft voice floated through my ears as I rested my head on my soft white pillow. "But they don't know, that you are my beautiful" right before I drifted I heard him whisper. "Goodnight beautiful" and then the dial tone. For some reason this brought tears to my eyes but I didn't have the chance to cry as I fell in a deep, dreamless slumber.

When I woke the next morning I thanked the lord that it was a Saturday. I had nothing planned today so I could just lay in bed and watch TV, and possibly text Shane, if I could manage to actually get out of bed and reach for my phone that was once again placed on the floor. But right now, I didn't think I had the effort. I was feeling extremely lazy. Amy obviously had other plans though as she burst through my door and sat on my bed. "Seems like you don have a hangover"

She nodded. "Oh I do, a massive one, but if I stay sitting down for too long it seems to hit me like fucking bricks, so im keeping up, im actually thinking about going for a run, wanna come?" she asked.

I snorted. "No thanks, but while you're out, could you get me some ice cream, im in the mood for a lazy day"

"You should be fat" she said with narrowed eyes before walking out of my room. I laughed, she was right though, I was lucky in the weight department, well, I didn't really have a figure, but I never put on weight, I got the fast metabolism from my mom, which was seriously lucky with all the crap I eat. My dad on the other hand used to have a beer gut which was not attractive at all. Thinking about my parents didn't really make me that sad anymore, sure I missed them like hell but it doesn't hurt like it used too. I have dealt with their deaths and im getting on with my life. As I looked around my eyes fell upon my Connect three calendar(Shane). my eyes widened as I saw the date. Shit! It was two weeks until Christmas and I still hadn't gotten any of my presents. And what the hell was I going to get Shane with the limited money I had. This is one of the reasons why I hated Christmas, all the money you have to spend on people, and if you don't get them something, they get angry with you and think you don't care about the, which I think is ridiculous.

But I do like getting presents, that's the only good thing about Christmas. The presents. I jumped out of bed and over to my wardrobe, pulling out something warm. Better get shopping.

**sorry its been so long since i have uploaded, i have just been so busy with school work, i apologise for the boring chapter but there is a lot more to come dont worry. anyway. REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEWWW!**


	22. Chapter 22

Because of you

Chapter 22

I spent two hours running around the mall trying to find the perfect present for Shane, but so far, I wasn't having any luck, I had managed to find everyone else's presents without much fuss, but no, I just had to struggle now. I opened my purse, I had 200 bucks left, suddenly, I remembered him mentioning something about a watch he wanted.

Once I had finally found Shane's present, I was happy. Well, mildly, I was still missing him like crazy and I just didn't know what to do with my time. I got home quickly and as usual, I slumped down onto the couch and switched on the TV. This is how I spend most of my days, aren't I so much fun? Sprawling out on the sofa I looked up at the ceiling, lost in thought. I was probably going to be spending Christmas a lone this year, not that last year was much different, I would have rather of spent it all alone. Sometimes I really hated living in New York, I had no family here, a few friends fro, school and Amy, but they would all be with their families at Christmas, like any other normal person. But no, I have to be a complete loner and just sit here stuffing my face with ice cream while watching repeats of million year old Christmas films.

The shrill sound of my phone snatched me out of my thoughts. I picked it up and smiled when I heard the familiar voice on the opposite end. "Hello Shane" I said.

"Hello Gorgeous, how are you today?" he asked, his voice more cheery than usual.

I laughed. "Feeling a little lonely, I really miss you" I said sadly, my bottom lip stuck in a pout but I sucked in when I realised how stupid I must look.

"Well, you wont be missing me in a week" he said slyly.

"Why not?" I asked, nothing but confusion in my voice.

"How would feel about spending Christmas with me, we'll go away, somewhere cold, where there's lot's of snow, just me and you" he said sweetly.

I began to smile, a wide, ridiculous smile. "Really? Are your parents ok with that? They don't mind you missing Christmas with them?"

"It was actually their idea," he admitted. "But I want to do it, as long as you do"

The smile was even bigger. "Shane, I'd love to, just call me when you know the details" I leant back. "I can't wait"

"me too babe, I'll call you tomorrow and tell you everything, I love you" he said softly.

"I love you too pop star," I giggled.

He groaned. "You know I hate when you call me that, I prefer Rock star"

I laughed. "Bye Shane" and before he could protest anymore I hung up the phone. Ok, so maybe I wasn't going to be alone this Christmas after all. I jumped up in excitement and skipped into my room. I pulled out my suitcase and flipped it open, didn't hurt to prepare early on. Yanking all of my winter clothes out of my wardrobe, I folded them up and tidily folded them up and placed them into my suitcase. I then heard the front door go. Running into the front room I threw my arms around Amy.

She huffed out. "Whoa, what's got you so happy?"

I pulled away and beamed at her. "Im going away with Shane for Christmas, just me and him, for Christmas" I squealed as I fell back onto the sofa.

She sat next to me. "That's great, where are you going?" she asked.

I shrugged. "I don't know, I don't think he has booked it yet, but im so excited, just me and Shane, our first Christmas together" my smile faded. "What if it goes wrong?"

She laughed. "What could possible go wrong?"

I stood up and began pacing. "I don't know, he could find me boring or something" a thought then danced into my mind. "Oh god"

She stood up. "What?"

"This is the first time we will be spending nights together, and we haven't, you know" I blushed.

She raised her eyebrows. "You guy's haven't had sex yet?" I shook my head. "Have you never talked about it before?"

I sighed. "No, it's never really come up before and don't think either have us have really thought about it, I mean, he might have but I haven't, until now" I looked at her. "Do you think I should talk to him about it?" I asked.

She nodded. "You definitely need to talk to him about it if its on your mind, because he might be thinking about it, so yes, you have to talk to him"

I groaned. "But what will I say?" that was a whole different matter, I couldn't just come out and say 'so, are we going to have sex anytime while we're away', im sure that wouldn't go down very well and would just make me sound like a bit of a whore.

She shook her head and shrugged her small shoulders. "I couldn't tell you what to say, but just play it cool, don't rush into things, if its going to happen, it will, let it play out" I nodded. "But you need know that you're ready for this"

I looked around. "I don't know, I think I am, I mean, I've thought about it a few times, but nothing major" I fiddled with my hands. "Do you think he would mind if im not ready?"

She shook her head. "No, he loves you so he would wait for you" I smiled and so did she. "So, what did you get Shane in the end for his present, or better yet, what did you get me" she bumped her shoulder against mine and winked.

I rolled my eyes. "Like im going to tell you, but I'll show you what I got Shane, I really hope he likes it"

She followed me into my room where it was. "Im sure he is going to love it" I pulled it our of the bag and opened up the box, revealing his present. She nodded her head in approval. "He is going to absolutely love it" she then bowed her head as a lovely smile took over her lips. "I have to tell you something"

"It must be pretty good if it's making you blush like that" I teased. She placed her hands over her cheeks self-consciously then dropped them as she began to speak.

"So, I was talking to Nate last night, he invited me to spend Christmas with his family" she smiled. "My parents want to go on holiday and I was going to ask if you were ok with it, in case you weren't doing anything for Christmas, but now that I know you are I just might go, do you think I should?"

I smiled. "I think you should definitely go, that boy cares about you a lot and I think that spending Christmas with him will being you that much closer and he might finally ask you out" I winked at her.

The blush returned to her cheeks. "I really like him Mitch, and I hope he asks me out, I really don't want to wait any longer and I am definitely not asking him out" she protested stubbornly as she crossed her arms. I just laughed and shook my head at her. "There's also another thing"

The way her smile completely disappeared from her face told me that what she was about to tell me was nothing good. "What is it?"

She sighed and crossed her legs. "Caitlyn called Nate" I sighed. "She apologised to him, he forgave her"

I nodded. "Nate was never one to hold grudges so that really doesn't surprise me" she sighed. "Does it surprise you?"

She shook her head and let another sigh fall from her lips. "No, I just don't want her to hurt him again, I mean, he was a complete mess, and I don't want him to go back to her" she winced. "I don't think I could see that"

I shook my head. "He may have forgiven her but he wont go back to her, he's kind, not stupid" I said. It was true, if he went back with Caitlyn he would be making a very absent minded choice. I knew Caitlyn, she had her times when she was such a gorgeous soul, but when a boy paid her the slightest bit of attention, she would jump at it, which was how she always was. She had been like that throughout high school, the amount of friends she had lost but I never left her side, I was the only one that didn't abandon her, and I didn't plan to. I missed her, I admit that, but she will have to do a hell of a lot to gain my friendship back.

She nodded. "I really hope not" I smiled at how cute she sounded. She seemed to really like Nate, and I was glad, he was the perfect guy for her, after hearing everything about Brad im just glad she has chosen someone that can treat her like she should be treated, and there's no one better than Nate to treat a girl right. She clapped her hands. "Ok, enough with the depressing talk, we need to pick you out some new underwear for your trip" she wiggled her eyebrows. "Lacy and revealing items, yeah, that will drive Shane crazy"

"I don't know" I said unsure. "I don't know if he will like it" I blushed at the thought of him seeing me in the revealing things.

She poked my side. "He is going to love it, he's a guy, all guys like It when girls where those sort if things"

Something then popped into my mind. "His purity ring"

She shook her head. "That doesn't matter anymore, he has already broken that promise, it doesn't count"

I sighed. "But what if he still thinks it does, I mean, he continues to wear it after he and Caitlyn had sex" I told her.

She nodded in acknowledgement. "yeah, but no on knew about him and Caitlyn and if he didn't wear his ring, people would ask questions, rumours would start and it would just cause him so much hell, that's probably why he still wears it now, for his image" I nodded. "It's a bummer Nate wears his" I giggled. "Oh well, I can wait"

I laughed again. "Come on Amy, can you really"

"For him I can"

The sparkle in her eyes made me smile and honestly believe her. He made her so happy and I knew she would do anything to make him happy as well, including waiting until he was ready, or marriage. But my mind quickly switched back to Shane. was I even ready for all of this, I mean I was still, egh, I was still a…virgin. Well, kind of, it you put aside the…incident -That is what I refer it too- Apart from that, I am a virgin. What if I messed it up? What if he thought I was bad in bed? Oh god I was just making this worse for myself. Would he think differently of me thought if he knew I was a virgin? Would he laugh? I sure hope not, and I didn't think he would, I mean, he's Shane, he's understanding. I was just physicing myself out before anything is even happening, I mean, we might not even have sex. Did I even want to have sex with him? of course I did, kind of. I mean, I love him and I trust him with everything in me, well, I do now, there's still a little he needs to earn, and come one, have you seen him, he's bloody gorgeous. Anyone would be lucky to have to honour of sleeping with him, so why was I so worried?

"stop thinking about it so much" Amy scolded like she was reading my mind. "You will just end up talking yourself out of it like you do with everything" she said

I sighed. "Im scared ok, and I shouldn't even be thinking about something that might not even happen, I blame you for the whole underwear thing, that's freaked me out even more, I've never even worn a thong" I cringed. She just laughed. "What?"

"You are such a girl" I rolled my eyes. "And you don't have to wear a thong, just lacy knickers, or you don't even have to wear them, Shane will think your gorgeous no matter what" I smiled. "Even in your granny panties"

I gasped as she cracked up laughing. "I do not wear granny panties!"

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	23. Chapter 23

Because of you

Chapter 23

I honestly couldn't tell you how I was feeling right now; my heart was literally in my throat as I sat in the back of the taxi, which was taking me to the airport. I was finally going to see Shane and spend Christmas with him. My nerves were still very much there but they had calmed down a little over the last few days as I had constantly told myself everything was going to be perfect. This was going to be a week I would remember. It was currently a few days until Christmas and I felt like a little girl again. but this time, I had something to look forward to.

When I finally I arrived, I ripped open the car door, grabbed my luggage and tossed the money at the driver. I can tell you now, I almost took out a few by-passers, but I was too excited about seeing Shane to care. After ten minutes of wondering around I spotted a wavy haired guy, leather jacket, skinny jeans and high tops. I began running but my luggage got in the way so I just dropped it and jumped onto his back. "Holy shit" he cursed. I then got down and I swear his eye slit up. "Mitchie" he breathed, my heart melted. He cupped my face and brought me into a deep, long awaited kiss.

I knotted my small fingers in his hair and pulled him as close as I could get him. "I missed you so much" I muttered against his lips before kissing them again, and again, and again.

He chuckled as the numerous kisses came. "I missed you too Babe, not lets say we go find our flight"

"You still haven't told me where we are going," I point out.

"We're going to New Jersey" he smiles the smile I have become so fond of. "My parents still have a house out there so they said we could stay, I hope you packed a lot of coats and sweaters, its going to be freezing"

"As long as im with you" I whisper, claiming his lips once more before we walked hand in hand to our destination.

I had always hated planes, but somehow I thought it would be better having Shane here with me. Evidently I was wrong. Every time slight turbulence occurred, I thought we were all going to plummet into the ocean where we would slowly freeze to death. Watching Titanic really didn't help me get over my fear of water.

"Calm down" Shane says, obvious humour in his voice.

I close my eyes and take deep breaths. "We're going to die, I watched a documentary on turbulence, a lot of planes crash if it gets to bad, what if this plane crashes, I don't want to die yet, im 19, I have my whole life ahead of me, I want to have kids some day, have a husband, live in a pretty little house with a white picket fence and-"

"We aren't going to die" Shane said simply, cutting me off before I had a major meltdown.

"How do you know" I yell, a little to loudly, drawing some passengers attention, and they didn't look too happy. "Sorry" I whisper. "I just hate planes"

"I can tell," he says, taking my hand in his and giving it a gentle yet reassuring squeeze, and somehow, it seemed to relax me a little. Instead of closing my eyes in fear, I close them and drift to sleep. In my sleep I was imagining what this next week was going to be like. All things good seemed to come to mind and I think I smiled in my sleep.

When I woke up I saw Shane looking down at me with an amused smile on his face. "What?" I demand.

He snorts. "You were talking about granny panties in your underwear" I blush a deep crimson. "Also about sex"

"Erm, I had a weird dream" I lie.

He raises his eyes. "About granny panties and sex?"

Well done Mitchie, dig yourself in deeper why don't you. im going to have to explain to him other wise he will think I have some weird thing about sex and granny underwear. "Well, a few days ago, me and Amy were talking, about sex" he nods. "Well, I was worried about going away with you because, well, we haven't gone that far yet and we haven't even spoken about it before"

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asks curiously.

I blush again. "I don't mind, only if you want to"

"Well, are you ready?"

I nod, swallowing the lump in my throat nervously. "Yes, but im scared"

"We'll see how it goes on the trip, if it happens it happens, but if you don't want to then you can tell me, I can wait for as long as you need" he gently rubs his index finger up and down my arm. I smile and give him a small kiss before laying my head on his shoulder.

"What if you think im crap?" I ask, quietly so the people behind us couldn't hear. He laughs and I smack his arm. "Im serious!" I cry.

"Mitchie, you don't even have to worry about that, it's your first time, your not expected to be a goddess in bed, it wont change how I feel about you" he kisses my hair. "Well, if you horrendous them I might reconsider" he jokes. I smack his arm again. "Im kidding"

"I hope so" I think I feel asleep again because when I woke up everyone was standing up. "Are we here" I ask Shane.

he nods and grabs both of our hand luggage's. "Yeah, we're here, you better get out quickly before we get trampled" I nod and we walk as quickly as we can out of the plain. Once we are outside, the cold air attacks my arms. I shiver and run inside. Shane emerges a few minutes later. "I told you it was cold"

"Cold is an understatement for what it is out there" my shivers calm down and I open up my hang luggage and pull out a jacket, this would have to do until I get my suitcase. After hours of wondering around the airport we finally make it to where we were staying and I have to say, it was perfect for Christmas. I drop my bags and walk in slowly, looking around in awe and the cute medium sized house. "It's perfect" I feel arms wrap around my waist and I lean into his chest.

"Im glad you like it" he kisses my cheek. "Im going to go get a shower, we'll figure out what to eat when I come down" he places another kiss before grabbing one of his bags and walking up the stairs. I watch after him with a smile before he disappears from view. I turn on my heel and walk into a random room. I switch on the light swift to see a cosy couch and a small TV; I also see a shelf of pictures. I notice there are a lot of Shane and his brothers and only a few of Frankie, they must not have been here for long after Frank was born. I drag my finger along the shelf, taking each picture in and laughing at many of Shane's portraits, he was mostly pulling faces or harassing his brothers rather than smiling, but in the odd few where he was, he looked adorable. I had to say though, his hair as a child was very, _round_. I giggle as his bowl cut as look around a little more. There are lots of little dragon statues on another shelf and I find myself chuckling when I see a note in a frame, clearly Shane's writing.

The scribbled note read.

_Do not touch my dragons, or they will set your hair on fire, oh! and your eyebrows. So stay away! _

I giggle once more before walking back out to my bags and grabbing something a little more comfortable. Jogging up the stairs I bounce into the closest door. It's completely empty, except for the double bed, simple wooden wardrobe and the plain painting of a sunset. I slipped off my tight jeans and pulled on a pair of loose shirts. Once I slipped my shirt off, I brought my hand to my bra clasp and was about to flick it when I heard the door open. I gasped and spun around to see Shane, dripping wet, with nothing but a towel around his waist. I can't help but bite down on my lip as my eyes quickly roam over his bare torso.

"Sorry, I didn't know you were in here" he wasn't looking at me; his eyes were fixed to my bra covered chest. I don't think he knew what he was doing when he began to move towards me, but when he was merely inches away from me he brushes his fingertips up and down my arm in slow but swift movements, and just with those gestures, he has my skin tingling and my nerves alive. I gasp when he places a gentle kiss on my neck. He kissed me everywhere but my lips, my eyelids, my nose, both my cheeks, the corner of my lips. But when he finally brought his lips to mine, I swear I had never felt so alive. Sure we had kissed before, but somehow, it was nothing like this, sexual tension made it more, exotic. His hands steadily ran from my face, down to my shoulder, where they slowly pushed down my black bra strap and he brought his lips to my shoulder, feathering it with delicate kisses. I closed my eyes as he kissed the top of my breasts. My nerves them started to kick in.

"Shane, I- I don't know" I whisper, my voice raspy and thick with nerves.

He pulled away and looked me in the eyes. "Please Mitchie, I love you, let me show you that" he pleaded. I swallow and look at him, hesitant. But then I realise, I want this too, it's just me being a pussy.

"Ok" I whisper sweetly.

"Ok?" he asks.

I nod. "Ok" I repeat, and once again his lips find the soft spot on my neck. A sigh escapes my parted lips as I throw my head back, giving him more access. He gently placed me on the bed and I did something that shocked the both of us. I took both of his hands and placed them directly over my breasts. I swallow, he bites his lip as he watches me, I close my eyes as he captures my lips while massaging my breasts. He then took one hand and snuck it up my back, un-hooking my bra. I gasp and by instinct cover my now bare chest with my arm.

He shook his head, kissing along my arm. "Don't hide" he kisses my hand. "You're beautiful" he slowly pulls my arm away and presses a kiss to each of my nipples; I shudder and knot my fingers in his hair. As he brings his lips back to mine he stars grinding his hips against mine. I gasp in ecstasy as he begins to move slowly down my front, trailing kisses from the valley between my breasts all the way to my abdomen. He looks up at me for a second, his eyes covered by his thick black eyelashes, as if asking me for permission; I nod nervously as he slowly slips of my back lace panties. I swallow loudly and close my eyes when he places his fingers behind my knees and pull them apart gently. My eye then fly open and I moan silently when I feel him between me. Arching my back I let a embarrassingly loud groan fall from my swollen lips. No going back now. This was it.

**hi.. sorry it's been so long since i updated, since it was Christmas and all i had so much stuff to do, anyway, here it is, i hope you like this chapter, i'm sorry if this one was horribly awkward, i have never wrote a sort of sex scene before so i have no experience in putting them into words, but anyway's, REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW !**


	24. Chapter 24

Because of You

Chapter 24

"That was.." he began but before he could say anything I cut him off by smashing the pillow over my face.

"Awful" I groaned and shut my eyes tightly.

He chuckles but I can tell I had hurt his ego a little at how his laugh seemed a little forced. "Wow, thanks Mitch"

I pull the pillow away. "No" I shook my head and propped myself up on one elbow so I could see his face clearly. "You were amazing, really, it was me, I was just…" terrible, awkward, bad, everything you could think of which was negative. It was horrible. I was so nervous and rigid the whole time, and it hurt. "Im sorry"

"You just need practice baby" he purred into my ear, causing me to shiver. I shake my head again and cover my face. He sighs and pulls me into his arms. "You have nothing to be sorry for, you were nervous, everyone is nervous their first times" he places a kiss to my forehead. "We have all the time in the world to try again, but I really hope I don't have to wait to long" he winks and I blush a deep crimson. "You're beautiful" he commented as he poked my cheek, making me giggle. "That's what I like to see, that wonderful smile of yours"

I smack his arm. "Shut up grey, so, what's on the schedule today?" I ask. He shrugs and mutters something I didn't quite catch before he rolled over, so by that I think he had probably said sleep. "No, you are not going back to bed, you are going to get your ass dressed and we are going to go on a romantic stroll around the park" I tell him sternly.

He groaned loudly and dramatically. "A romantic stroll? Really Mitchie? Cant we just stay in bed today" he pouted, as his eyes seemed to shine a little more.

"Fine" I caved after a few moments but seriously, it was his eyes, they seem to get me every time, stupid Shane and his irresistible puppy dog eyes. he smiled smugly as he wrapped me in his arms and pulled me closer. "But tomorrow, we are doing what I want" I warn him.

"Ok whatever" he mutters. "As long as we get to go into Victoria Secrets" he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and I just rolled mine. I buried my face into his chest and placed a couple kisses on it before closing my eyes again and drifting into a blissful sleep.

Everything was perfect. I was with Shane, just me and him, spending Christmas break together. Nothing to go wrong right? Wrong.

There was a knock on the door, waking me up from my peaceful slumber. I already didn't like this person. "Just ignore it" I croak. He went to cuddle back up with me but there was another knock, this time he got up, I looked up at him but blushed when I realised he still hadn't got any clothes on. He saw my pink cheeks and chuckled, pulling on some clothes before walking out of the room. I waited to hear who it was and I recognised it as a girls voice, she didn't sound very old either. I slipped on some sweats and one of Shane's v-necks before walking downstairs.

Once I was in the living room I had to fight back a growl that was perched on the tip of my tongue. There sitting on the couch was a beautiful blonde, smiling at an also smiling Shane. her hair was pin straight, she had the skinniest figure, almost as small as Caitlyns but lets be serious, no one could have a smaller figure than Caitlyn. She has red lips and smoky eyes. and a smirk of those lips too. Bitch. "Ah Mitch, this is Ivy, she is the new neighbour"

She stands up and I feel very small. She is still wearing her shoes and I hold the urge to tell her to take them off. "Hi, its nice to meet you" I hold my hand out.

She shakes it delicately, like I might have some sort of disease. "Like wise" Mega bitch. "So, Shane, its nice to meet you, I hope I get to see you again, oh and you two Mitchie" she doesn't even look at me when she mentions my name, her eyes never leave Shane. could he have at least put on a damn shirt?

"Of course! We were going to go shopping tomorrow, would you like to come?" fuck you Shane, why do you have to be so nice.

Please Ivy say no, refuse kindly and just leave, and never come back. "I'd love too! I'll stop by tomorrow" she waves. "By Shane" she walks to the door. "Oh, and bye Macy".

"Mitchie" I spit through gritted teeth. she doesn't say anything she just walks out. "Her boobs looked fake" I mumble as I walk into the kitchen.

He chuckles and wraps his arms around me from behind. "Babe, she is just the new neighbour" he kisses my neck.

"Why the hell did you have to invite her shopping? this vacation is supposed to be just us, no one else, especially not a walking talking Barbie doll" I grumble and I pull out of his arms and take the milk out of the fridge. I pour it onto my cheerio's and slump at the kitchen table. "I don't like her" I announce.

He sits down at the table with me. "You haven't even got to know her yet, she might be really nice" he tried to reason. "Anyway, its not like we are going to spend every day with her, just tomorrow, and then its just us" he winks which of course, I blush at.

I smile but then it drops. "You could have at least put a shirt on, she was basically drooling on the carpet looking a you".

He chuckles. "Mitch, come on, don't be liked this, you are the only one for me, you know that".

"I know that" I tell him. "But she doesn't".

"Come on, eat your cheerio's so we can go back to bed" he stands up, a sudden gleam in his eyes. "Only three more days until Christmas" he basically squeaks like a little girl before running back up the stairs. I smile after him and finish my food. I really did not want to go through with tomorrow. And why the hell did she have to be blonde, everyone knew that Shane had a thing for blondes.

Once back in bed my worries seemed to fade a little. His arms around me shoed away the insecurities and I just feel into another peaceful slumber, cuddled into his chest. But I had a terrible dream of course. Shane, that blonde girl, each other, together, he was holding her, kissing her like he kisses me and whispering in her ear like he did with me and then I heard him say he loved her…that's when I woke up. Panting, I looked around to see the faded outline of Shane's peaceful figure. I sigh and slump again the pillow, wiping the sweat from my head. The tears then rushed to my eyes as the nightmare found its way back into my head.

He began to shift in his sleep and I found myself watching him. He looked so beautiful with his hair askew and his body tangled with the sheets. I was almost jealous and how naturally radiant he was. No wonder why Ivy might want him, any girl with eyes would want him. but I was one of the lucky ones. I got him. He was mine, he choose to be with me out of every other gorgeous girl that was lusting over him. I then do something that makes me feel a little strange. I begin to sing. Not loudly, just softly and quietly so I wont wake him. I touch his hand as I sing a few lines of my favourite song.

"That's beautiful" I hear him murmur with his eyes closed.

I gasp slightly. "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you" I apologise. "im going to go downstairs and start on dinner" I tell him. I move the blankets away and go to get up but his hand around my wrist stops me.

"Don't go, sing to me," he whispers. I bite down and begin sing again, I have to clear my throat a few times because im not used to it. I haven't sung in so long and it feels…amazing. "I missed your voice," he mutters before I heard his soft snores. I giggle and kiss his forehead before walking downstairs and starting on the pizza. I was going to make this the most amazing week of Shane's life, and that doesn't involve Ivy.

When Shane comes down for dinner I find myself salivating. Not over the food, over him. his torso was bare and he was simply in his black Calvin Klein boxer shorts. He was trying to kill me, that's what he was doing. "I hate you"

He looks at me alarmed. "What? What did I do?"

"You are trying to tease me" I say, my eyes clearly on his chest and maybe a little lower but ill keep that information to myself.

He smirks and wiggles his thick dark eyebrows. "Maybe" I sigh and he sits next to me. "Mitch come on, it wasn't that bad"

"But you're saying it was mildly bad" I answer stubbornly.

He sighs himself. "No I didn't say that, you were nervous, I understand, but that isn't your fault, you didn't make it bad, it was out first time" he tries to reason.

"Exactly!" I almost shout. "Our first time is supposed to be perfect, its supposed to be the best feeling in the world, but it was just…wasn't, maybe to you it was ok but to me it wasn't, I wanted it to be amazing and I just screwed it up" I drop my head on the table and groan.

His large hands find the sides of my face and he lifts it up so I am looking into his hazel eyes. "So what if it wasn't the best night of our lives, Mitchie, every night I spend with you is amazing, even if we just cuddle, in fact, those are the best nights, I don't care about the sex, as long as I have you with me, that's all that matter"

"I love you," I whisper. "So much"

he smiles. "I love you too, so can you please stop worrying ok?"

I nod. "Pizza still ok?"

His eyes glisten and I find myself giggling. "I love you even more now" he says as he basically runs over to the oven, waiting for his food.

**Bonjour! i am so sorry i haven't updated recently but i had slight writers block, so this chapter may not be all that good, i am trying so hard to get chapters up on time so to make up for it i will be uploading the next one on tuesday because i love all of you and i love all the reviews you give, so thank you... and REVIEW! even if this chapter isnt up to standards. **


	25. AN

Hey guys, im just writing this to say I will be going to vacation for a week so I wont be able to update for a while. I will get chapter 25 up tomorrow night I promise, I really mean it this time. I know I have been unreliable in the past but it is all down to school, I have been getting so much homework so I never have time to write, but I want to thank all of the people who read and review Because Of You as without you all I wouldn't have continued this story. Im glad you like it and I hope you like the next chapter.

Chels x


	26. Chapter 25

Because Of You

Chapter 25

"Oh my god Shane that looks _amazing_ on you" the preppy blonde, who goes by the name of Ivy, squealed in delight. He smiles happily then looks at me for my opinion. I force a smile.

"It looks great babe," I say softly. "Im going to go look at the dresses" I sigh, walking away from Ivy who was 'helping' Shane with his Jacket. Why did he have to look so fucking hot in everything, it only made him more desirable, which was even worse! The way she was looking at him made me want to heave up my breakfast. I had a very strong urge to just run up to her and…ugh! I don't even know what id do. I couldn't hit her because she hadn't done anything yet and if I yelled at her, id look like a complete idiot. So for now, I had to just bite my lip and take it.

After buying a few tops I walked back over to the. "Ready to go Mitch?" he asks, looking at both me and Ivy. I nod my head and follow then out of the store. While we are in the mall I am basically shunned by the both of them as they dive into conversation. She laughs at almost everything he says and I can tell he likes that by the way he smiles, even the jokes he tells which aren't funny she laughs at. I honestly think its his rock star status that has got her so keen, she doesn't really seem like the type of girl to care about what's underneath.

After an hour her voice gets too much and I go back to the house, on my own. I told them I had a headache and needed some rest. Once inside I slump onto the comfy couch and pull out my phone, dialling Amy's number.

"How's vacation going?" she asks happily. "Its great here with Nate and his family, they are so welcoming, I feel part of the family already"

"When's the wedding" I try to laugh but it just sounds more like a sigh.

Amy picks up on this. "What's up Mitch? things not going good?" she asks, concern in her voice.

I shake my head. "No, things have been going good, we even" I cough and I feel the blush rush to my cheeks. "you know" I whisper.

She gasps loudly. "You had sex!" she shouts. "Sorry" she says when I sigh. "How was it?"

I sigh and fall back, lying down. "It wasn't what I hoped it would be, I mean, Shane was great, it was just me, I didn't know what the fuck I was doing, I was terrible, I think he even thought that, but you know Shane, he's too kind to say anything".

"Mitchie, I guarantee he didn't think you were awful, he's Shane, he'll love you no matter what, even if you are shit in bed" she giggles.

"Shut up" I laugh. "I just need practice, and I think I might get quite a bit on this holiday" I smirk. "If his neighbour isn't round all the time" I grumble.

"His neighbour?" she asks.

I nod to myself. "His neighbour is some bottle blonde called Ivy who seems to have a little thing for Shane, he invited her to the mall today and they have been inseparable the whole day, I was lucky if he even acknowledged me, personally I think he just likes the attention" I sigh. "She beautiful Amy" I whine. "Why couldn't she have looked like your cousin Brooke?"

"Hey!" she scolds. "She can't help that she has that overbite, and she isn't even that bad" I don't say anything. "Ok so maybe she is, but don't bring her into this, what does this Ivy look like then, other than she is a blonde"

"Tan skin, perfect figure, cute butt, bright blue eyes, flawless skin, and a pretty smile" I tell her. "So she's pretty much perfect" I pause. "Perfect for Shane"

"Don't think like that, he wont throw away everything you have for some girl he met a day ago, im sure she's not even as pretty as you make her out to be" she says.

"No, she is, she is like a life size Barbie doll, just not as fake, she is basically every guys dream girl, I bet she has an amazing job too, unlike me, I'll be stuck in that damn coffee shop for the rest of my miserable life" I huff out.

"Mitchie, you aren't even in your twenties yet, you have plenty of time to think about your career," she states. "Look, just, don't worry about this girl, she'll be out of your lives soon ok? Just focus on the time you have with Shane, its all about you and him for the next week alright, just make the most of it, I love you".

"Love you too Amy, tell Nate and his family I say hi, oh! Anything happened between you too yet?" I ask, wiggling my eyebrows.

"We're taking things slow" she breathed out happily. "Im happy."

I squeal. "Aww Amy you and him are so fucking adorable, I cant wait to see you so I can give you both big bear hugs, call me soon ok?" I request.

"Of course! I'll call you on Christmas, have fun" then I hear the dial tone. I smile before setting my phone down. When I hear the door open I snap my head towards it to see Shane walking in.

"Babe? I thought you were going to get some rest?" he asks, placing his bags on the armchair and taking off his jacket. "Are you feeling better?"

I nod and stand up, walking over to him. "Much" I attack my lips to his before slowly placing wet kisses down his jaw and down the hollow of his throat. As the kissing progresses he lifts me up around his waist and takes me into the bedroom, slamming the door behind him with his foot. I was going to make him forget all about the beautiful blonde next door.

I curl against into him as he stroked my forehead, which was lightly glistening from sweat, as was his perfectly tones chest. "That was amazing" he pants into my hair, pressing kisses all over my face.

"Mm" I hum in agreement. "It was" I smile and peck his lips. this time was perfect. I cant describe it any other way other than, well, perfect. I wasn't as nervous, I was actually excited, I went with it this time and I took charge a little.

"You're so beautiful," he mumbles into my hair, which was sticking up in random places. I giggle and smack his arm lightly. "I mean it, I don't want you to every feel like you aren't" he kisses me again.

"With you I feel beautiful" I tell him. I then let out a long yawn. "Im so tired"

"That good am I" he winks. I roll my eyes and turn my back on him. "Baby im kidding, come here" he holds out his arms and I snuggle back in. "Sleep, we have a big day of wrapping presents tomorrow"

I groan and close my eyes. "Wonderful" and that's the last thing I say before I fall into a peaceful slumber.

I think I could stay this way forever, just laying in his arms for nights on end, I wouldn't mind it all, in fact, I want it. I want this to be my resting place for the rest of my life. I want to be with Shane. Oh god I feel like a 16 year old again, talking about my future like I have the slightest clue.

"Mitchie, wake up" Shane's soft voice echoes in my ear.

I inhale deeply before letting out the breath slowly. "What time is it?" I ask. I then look at the clock to see that it was 11am. "Better get up" I take the blanket from Shane, wrapping it round my naked frame before walking into the bathroom. I take a quick shower before slipping into some sweats and a plain white tee. I scrape my hair back and leave my face make-up free; I wasn't doing anything today so why bother changing into something decent. Walking back out into the bedroom I fight the urge to gasp. Shane is currently wearing sweats.

"What?" he asks when he notices me staring. "Is there something in my hair?"

I shake my head. "No I just…I've never seen you in sweats, your always in skinny jeans" I state. "You look good" I admit. He really does, he has never looked more, sexy shall I say. Bed hair, no shirt and grey sweat pants, this was definitely a Kodak moment.

"As do you my love" he pulls me into his, pressing his lips to mine for two long moments. "let get started on these presents them" I groan. "there aren't many, just mine and yours, my families and Amy's"

I nod. "Ok, that isn't bad, lets get started then" I smack his buss before running down the stairs, Shane following closely behind me.

A few presents and many paper cuts later we are finished. I sigh and fall to the floor, actually tired. "Who knew wrapping presents could actually make you tired…I really need to start going to a gym"

"You kept up pretty well last night" he wiggles his caterpillar eyebrows at me. I throw a pillow at his face and flip him off. He laughs and chucks it back, his face then turns serious. "Do you ever wonder about the future, our future" he elaborates.

"All the time" I tell him. "It scares me though, because I don't know what it going to happen, life's so unpredictable Shane, who knows where we will end up, the only thing I know is that I want to be with you for as long as I can" I smile.

He smiles back, showing his perfect teeth. "I don't want anything to come between us ever again Mitchie" he frowns. "Im really sorry about everything I have done in the past, I truly am" his face is so sincere I fell like reaching up and smoothing the creases of worry in his forehead.

"Shh" I say, pressing a finger to his lips to silence him. "Its in the past, its not important anymore, what is important is that I gave you a second chance, and so far so good" I giggle.

He kisses my hand twice. "And I am so grateful you did, I know I didn't deserve it because I was such a dick but thank you Mitch" he pulls me closer to him. "You're so soft"

I snort with laughter. "You are so cheesy Shane grey" he nuzzles his nose against my neck causing me squeal. "Stop it that tickles!"

"Oh does it now, what about this?" he then begins attacking my sides with his large hands. I thrash around, desperately trying to get from under his grip, im laughing so hard its becoming almost hard to breathe.

"S-Shane S-St-Stop it!" I manage to gasp out. He finally does and I let my back fall, panting. "You asshole"

he pins my arms above my head and kisses me. "But I'm a lovable asshole".

I giggle and lean up, stealing another kiss. "That you are Shane grey, that you are".

**hola hi hey! i actually got this chapter up when i said i would, you should be proud of me, this is rare. ok, so i have some news, this story is coming close to its end, but no fear, i was thinking of coming out with a squeal, would any of you be interested in it if i did? i will promise there will be lots of drama, surprise's and what's a story without a little heartbreak, i can also tell you that the next couple chapters will be very drama filled, so keep reading, i love you all, chels x**


	27. Chapter 26

Because of you

Chapter 26

**Christmas. **

"Mitchie! Wake up! it's Christmas!" I hear Shane's frantic voice. "And it's snowing!" I then fee the pressure leave the bed and I hear faded footsteps running out of the room. I groan and slowly sit up in bed, looking around I smile, there are Christmas decorations everywhere. Shane must have done these in the night. I get up and walk out of the room and down the stairs to see even more tinsel and other Christmas things. I giggle when I see him sitting in front of the tree tapping his foot impatiently. "I didn't want to start without you" he says.

I got and sit next to him, pushing his presents towards him, his parents sent his down so he would get them all on the day. He smiles eagerly and opens the ones from his family first. He is clearly happy with each gift as he puts on every single item. I laugh at the hideous sweater his grandma had got him, yet he made it look cute. "Do you want mine now?" I ask him. He nods eagerly. I reach under the tree and pull out a small blue package. "Here, I hope you like it" I say as I hand it to him.

He rips off the packaging and glances at me before he opens it, revealing his bond inspired watch. He gasps and a golden smile appears on his perfect face. "I love you!" he yells as he throws his arms around me and pulls me into his lip. He presses kisses to every part of my face before he pulls the watch from its box and places it on his wrist. "It's perfect, I was actually going to buy myself one for Christmas but now I don't need too" he kisses my lips. "Now do you want yours?" he asks.

Now I get excited. "Yes!" I almost shriek. He chuckles softly before pulling three parcels from under the tree. I feel a little guilt as I only gave him one thing. "You didn't have to get me three, I would have been good with just one" I tell him.

He shakes his head. "I know you are feeling guilty" clearly I am not good at hiding things from him. "But don't, what you got me is amazing and I love it, that's all that matters" he tells me. My guilt fades and all I feel is excitement, and affection towards to man in front of me. "Now, open your presents" he orders as he pushes them towards me.

I waste no time in ripping the paper from them all. As I look at the three items in front of me I try not to cry. One of them was the shirt I wore to the very first campfire; it had a picture of Shane and me on it that I got on it at the end of Camp Rock. It was my favourite shirt and I thought I had lost it. "Where did you find this?" I ask him as I lift it over my head.

"You left it in my cabin and by the time I realised, you were gone, so I kept it, as a reminder…of you" he says softly. "I thought I would personalise it thought before I gave it back, so now, you have a reminder of me, well, my extremely handsome self" he says cockily as he shoots me a wink.

I giggle and push his arm. Looking down at the other two gifts I get a giddy feeling, one is a beautiful charm bracelet and the other is a piece of paper, it looked like a ticket. I pick it up and look at the writing on it. "Peggy?" I question.

He nods. "You know, Peggy from camp?"

My eyes widen when I realise just who it was. "Oh my gosh Peggy! She is having a concert, and we are going! Oh that's wonderful, I haven't seen her in so long, it will be good to catch up" I lean over and kiss his lips. "Thank you for my presents, they are lovely babe" I tell him affectionately.

He runs a finger down my face. "Only the best for you, I also have another surprise later but for now, why don't we go cook the dinner" I nod and follow him into the kitchen. Cooking is never fun but somehow Shane makes it that way. Let me just say by then time we have finished setting up food I am covered in most of it, as is he. "Well, looks like we wont be eating much of it as we are wearing most of it"

I giggle and fall into him. "Today has been perfect so far, im so lucky to have you," I say. "I love you," I whisper as I capture his lips in a tender kiss. I could never get tired of the feel of his lips on mine; it was the most exquisite feeling in the world. He chuckles against my lips. I pull back and look at him confused. "What is it?" I ask with my eyebrows raised.

He licks his lips. "You taste of potatoes" he chuckles again and I cant help but let out a loud shriek of laughter, I also accidentally snort. I turn a bright red when I realise the sound had come from me and Shane didn't hold back on laughing even harder. "You actually sounded like a pig Mitch!" I laugh harder at how amusing he thinks that it.

"Shut up Shane" I punch his arm softly. "Just keep an eye on the chicken while I go shower and get dressed".

He smirks. "How about I join you, we can wash each other" his hands find solace in the curve of my hips and he begins to rub them.

"Sorry buddy" I push his hands away. "None of that for now, maybe later, who knows?" I shrug before leaving the kitchen and a pouting Shane. I smile to myself as I enter the bathroom. Life was good.

* * *

"Mitchie!" I hear Shane's voice call out as I am slipping on my shirt. "Mitchie! Get down here" his voice is panicky and I run down the stairs, missing the bottom few and almost crashing down to the floor. I run into the kitchen to see Shane and a burnt chicken. "Sorry, Ivy was at the door, we were talking and I completely forgot about the chicken, im so sorry".

I sigh and run my hands through my damp hair. "Shit Shane, what are we going to eat now?" I ask him. Gnawing inside was the feeling of anger and jealousy. What the fuck was she doing at the door at Christmas, did se have a family to be around?

"There's pizza in the freezer" he shrugs.

I roll my eyes. "I guess that will have to do, and what did she want anyway?" I try not to sound bitter but by the look on Shane's face I clearly didn't try hard enough.

"She came to drop round Christmas cards" he holds up two. I fight the urge to roll my eyes again so I just look towards the burnt chicken. Well, this day has spiralled down in the space of twenty minutes. I was looking forward to a nice Christmas dinner as well. "Here" he hands me a card. I take it and place it on the side. "She is just trying to be nice Mitch, can't you try too"

"She made you burn the Chicken," I answer back lamely. "She ruined Christmas dinner" I huff as I walk back into the living room. I know I was being immature but right now I didn't care all that much, why couldn't she just leave us alone, especially Shane. We all know what he's like with blondes, he's had a thing for them in the past, in fact, most of his ex girlfriends were blonde. I fall onto the sofa and stare at the blank screen of the television.

"Mitchie please don't be mad, I don't want to fight on Christmas…it's pointless and a little immature" he says. I know I was being what he said but him actually saying it didn't help the anger that was bubbling inside me.

"Whatever Shane, just put the Pizza on" I grumble while grabbing the remote and switching the lifeless box of entertainment on. He sighs and walks into the kitchen, I watch every step he takes and suddenly my anger is replaced by embarrassment. "Shane!" I shout.

He re-enters the room with his arms crossed and his eyes away from me. "What" he says coldly.

I stand up and walk over to him, wrapping my arms around his waist and placing my head against his chest. He drops his arms but he doesn't wrap them around me. "Im sorry, I shouldn't have gotten angry at you, I don't want to fight either"

He still doesn't hug me. "You cant keep getting Jealous every time I talk to Ivy Mitch, we are just friends, I love you, ok?" he says. I nod my head and kiss his chest, right over his heart. He then links his arms around me. "I'll put the pizza on and we can watch the grinch" I smile up and him and run back to the sofa, quickly flicking through the channels in search of my favourite Christmas film.

* * *

"That pizza was delicious" I moan as I take the last bite.

Shane nods his head in agreement. "It was, possibly the greatest pizza ever, nothing better than good ol' Jersey food" he licks his lips and pats his flat muscular stomach. "You ready for your final present?" he asks, jumping onto his feet. "Well, surprise" he corrects himself.

"I don't know" I say cautiously. "Is it going to make me jump? I don't want to throw up on he floor" I tell him.

he chuckles and walks over to a set of drawers that were by the TV. "It wont make you jump, I promise, just stand up" I take a deep breath and do as im told. I felt slightly tired from all the pizza. He walks back over to me, one of his hands behind his back. I look up at him confused when he stops in front of me. he takes a deep breath and drop down onto one knee.

Everything shuts down inside me. no no no no no no NO! this cant be real.

"Mitchie" he takes another deep breath. "I love you, more than anyone else, well, you are the only person I have ever really loved, will you do me the honour…I mean…it would be great If you…erm" he sighs in frustration. "Mitch will you marry me"

Tears rush to my eyes as he opens the purple velvet box to reveal a shining ring. A million thoughts rush to my mind as I stare at the box. The main one that pulsed in my head was…I was too young for this. I wasn't ready, why did he have to do this now? I want even sure I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him…that sounded bad, I just…I didn't know what the future held for me, I loved him with all my heart but marriage? Being tied down for the rest of my life? I couldn't. Not yet.

After a minute of not saying anything I finally turned to a worried looking Shane, the answer on the tip of my tongue.

I closed my eyes and inhaled. This one answer could possibly ruin everything.

* * *

**hello! it's been to long, and i am so sorry for that. i have been so busy coming with up idea's for the sequel to this story that i have neglected it (yes there will a sequel!) so anyway, there is only one more chapter left before this story has officially ended and i just wanted you all to know how grateful i am for all your reviews, all your kind words and for all of you who read this story. so, im going to stop rambling and let you review this chapter, it was a little boring but i promise you, the last one will be a lot longer and a lot more drama filled because c'mon, who doesn't love a little drama ? ;) **


	28. Chapter 28

Because of you

Final Chapter.

"Shane i…er" I take a deep breath and compose myself. "Shane I can't" I say finally. He completely deflates and drops his hand. I want to take back my answer but I don't want to lie to him. "Im so sorry" I whisper.

"Can I just ask why?" his voice is calm but also strained. I had completely rejected him, I obviously wasn't his most favourite person at this moment in time. "Why wont you marry me? I thought you loved me"

I drop to my knees so my face is level with his. "I do love you Shane! a lot in fact, it's just…im 19, im not ready to be tied down yet, I haven't even lived my life yet" I touch his arm and I feel him tense, he then moves away from me a little. "Please don't be mad at me"

"Im not" he says bluntly. "Im going to bed" his voice is cold. He stands up and stalks past me. I cringe and sink to the floor when I hear the slam of the bedroom door. Well done Mitchie, way to fuck everything up for yourself. I fall onto the couch and drop my head in my hands. I had probably just ruined my relationship. Fuck!

That's when the tears start to well in my eyes. They come quicker than I expect and they seem like they aren't going to stop, every time I wipe them away, another few rolls down my rosy cheeks. I scramble around the living room in search of my phone. When I find it I bring up Amy's number and press the green button. I impatiently wait for her to answer. "Merry Christmas Mitchie" Amy shrieks into the phone.

I sniff loudly. "Merry Christmas babe" I croak out.

"Mitch, are you crying?" she asks, I sniff again and wipe my face. "Has something happened, what's wrong?" her voice is thick with worry and I feel bad for making her feel like that on Christmas.

"I've fucked everything up Amy" I sigh, my voice shaking from the small sobs rippling up my dry throat. "He proposed" she gasps and asked what I said. "I said no, I told him that I wasn't ready, but he didn't like that answer very much, he just stormed up stairs, Im such an idiot" I cry out. I rake my fingers through my hair roughly and tug on it slightly.

"Shh Mitchie, everything will be ok, just, try and talk to him, explain to him that you just need time to grow up a little more, you haven't ruined anything, you just gave him an honest answer" her tone is soft and reassuring. "just give him time to cool off and im sure everything will be good again" she promised, but I didn't believe her.

"How do you know that?" I huff. "He'll probably want to end things now, I don't want to loose him" I whimper. The thought of loosing him makes me short on air, I loved him, I couldn't let him go, I wouldn't, not again, not after everything that we have been through, I need him.

"I know how much he loves you" she says, her voice soft. "We all do, he wont leave you, he would be stupid to anyway, where else is he going to find someone like you, nowhere that's where" I smile at her answer. I would be so lost without Amy in my life. "And anyway, if things were to turn out bad, which they wont, I will always be here for you, you're my best friend, got that?"

I nod to myself. "I love you Amy, tell Nate and his family I said Merry Christmas, im just going to leave things for the night and talk to him in the morning, have a good night" she says goodbye and then I am met by the dial tone.

I slept on the sofa that night, not very comfortable at all, and when I woke up Shane was just about to walk out the door, he obviously heard me because he turned and looked at me, but he didn't utter a word before walking out. I knew he would be back because he had left his bags, but he had left anyway, and it hurt, a lot. I didn't know where he was going but I know he needed time, away from me, and id let him have that. I didn't want to make things worse.

Most of my day consisted of cleaning the house, I wanted to stay busy so wherever there was a speck of dust, I was on it. I must have been cleaning for hours because the sun had gone down and Shane stumbled inside the house, and when I say stumbled I mean it, he could barely walk. I stand up, dusting off my butt and knees. "Shane? Have you been drinking?"

He holds his fingers to his lips but actually gets his chin. "Shhh, don' tell Mitchie" he snorted with laughter and fell on the sofa. "Not that she'll care, she doesn't love me, she doesn't want to marry me"

"That doesn't mean she doesn't love you" I whisper, tears on the brim of my eyelids. He huffed, crossing his arms like a child. "She isn't ready to get married, she needs to live her life first"

"What's so wrong with living life with me?" he asked, his voice was a lot smaller. "I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you" he slurs out, he recognised me now. "Why aren't I good enough" he asks in a whisper. Then the tears fall. Suddenly the soft face he had worn was gone. Only to be replaced by twisted anger. "You know what, I don't give a shit if you don't want to marry me, im Shane Grey for fuck sake! I can get any girl I want" he spits out, his whole attitude had altered, then he lets out a sort of cackle. "I don't need to be tied down, it was a stupid thought to ask you to marry me, whatever" his voice is dripping with venom and vodka, making me cower away from him.

"We should get you to bed" I gently touch his arm, which he wrenches from me. He gives me one look of disgust before tripping up the stairs and slamming the door shut. Looks like another night of the couch.

That night I had a nightmare. Me and Shane…happy, we were sitting in a living room, an unfamiliar one, as two small children were sleeping peacefully on an armchair next to a dwindling fire. He was staring at the children. "Aren't they beautiful" he asks me. I go to answer but the words don't come from my mouth.

"They sure are" comes an unknown voice, I turn my head to see Ivy, holding a mug, she then sets it down and walks over to Shane, pressing a small kiss to his lips. Horrified, I try shouting, but no words come from my mouth. "I love you Shane," she whispers in his ear. I stare at him alarmed, he won't say it back, he cant, he loves me!

"I love you two sweetheart" he purrs back at her, stroking her blonde hair.

This was all wrong, it shouldn't be like this, he won't marry her, he cant! NO!

I jolt awake, my breathing heavy and a blanket of sweat covering my forehead. That was horrible. I wipe the sweat away and tip toe up the stairs and into the bathroom. I fill the sink with cold water and splash my face a few times, I wasn't tired at all now, and I didn't really want to go back to sleep in fear of having the picture of Ivy and Shane in my head. I dry my face and go check on Shane.

Peaking my head round the door I see him sprawled across he bed, mouth agape, hair askew and his leg dangling off the bed. He was still fully dressed. I creep inside and carefully pull off his shoes. He stirs in his sleep, causing me to freeze, but then he stops and his mouth parts slightly again. I let out a little sigh and I place his shoes next to his bed. "Goodnight" I whisper as I press my lips to his forehead softly before leaving the room.

The next day, nothing was different. He refused to talk to me; he barely even looked at me. the only words he said to me were "I'll be back for dinner" and again, he was gone, slamming the door behind him, a sound I had become so familiar with. I sigh and fall against the couch. 'Pull yourself together Mitchie!' scolds a small voice in the back of my head, 'Talk to him, don't leave it to late!' It's, well, my mind is right, I need to speak to him, I don't want to go days without talking and possibly split up over this, I love him and he needs to know that.

I pull on my boots and sling on my jacket before leaving the house. I stumbled back a little as the cold air slapped harshly against my face, I hadn't been outside in a couple days so I hadn't exactly realised how cold it really was. I zipped up my coat all the way and shoved my hands in my pockets. Shane could have gone far, he had only left twenty minutes ago. As I push on, I search the streets, there aren't many people but you could easily blend in, me being the nosey person I turn my head to someone window. I see a couple kissing passionately, I feel rude for looking but I cant tear my eyes away, they both look so familiar, and when she moves her head I realise why.

It's Shane, and Ivy.

Everything inside me seems to shut down; bile rises in my throat as my eyes cloud over. I manage to drag my feet all the way back home, but I don't manage without stumbling a few times. When I get back inside I fall against the door fighting desperately for air as my lungs refuse to take any in. I then feel myself lunging for the bathroom and that's when I throw up. Tears were streaking my face as I heave violently into the toilet.

Once I had finished I fell against the cold tiles, my face meeting the floor. This couldn't be happening, I was dreaming, this was like the nightmare of him and Ivy, they hadn't really been kissing, it was all in my mind, if I pinch myself I might wake up, so I do. Nothing…I pinch harder…still nothing, I pinch even harder, nothing, but I seem to have drawn blood. Once again, there was pain all over my body, want to know what it was? Realisation.

Realisation that his whole situation was very real and that I had lost Shane. I had lost him to the bottle blonde a few doors away.

A sob ripples up my throat as I slowly curl into a ball and cry. Why had he done this to me? first he slept with my best friend, and now he was kissing a girl he had only met a few days ago…just because I refused to marry him. why did he have to do this? couldn't have he just gone and got drunk again, I would much rather that he go and kiss her, especially the way he was, she was straddling him and he had his hands knotted in her hair, it all looked so passionate, like he really wanted it.

After what feels like an eternity, I manage to pull myself from the floor and hazily stumble back into the living room. I fall onto the sofa and bring my knees to my chest as I stare at the blank wall, my mind reeling. A few moments later Shane walks through the door, he lets out a breath as he takes off his shoes and jacket. His eyes finally land on me. "What's wrong with you?" I don't answer him, I don't even look in his direction, I cant. "Mitchie? What's wrong?" he asks again.

"You want to know what's wrong" my voice is crackling and my eyes are glassy, I still don't look at him. "You" I whisper. "Everything that is ever wrong with me is you Shane, it's always because of you" I scream, finally bringing myself to look at him. he looks startled at my outburst.

"What the hell have I done?" he asks angrily. My blood then begins to boil, does he feel no guilt in what he has just done to me?

"Was she a good kisser?" I ask coldly, he looks confused. "Ivy" and with that word he realised, his face falls and his shoulder slump, his face also drains of colour. "Know what you did now?" I spit out.

"Mitchie let me explain" he begs as he takes a step forward, I just shake my head and step back.

"Why would I listen to what you have you say? It's always fucking bullshit Shane!" I shriek at him. I try my hardest not to crumble to the floor, I need to show him that I am strong enough to walk away, because that is exactly what I am going to do.

"You refused to Marry me Mitchie! Im sorry if I was upset, I went to Ivy for comfort, I didn't go there to hook up with her, I just wanted some sympathy, she kissed me!" he tried to tell me.

I look at him in disbelief. "Don't you dare turn this back on me!" I shout as I slam my fists against his chest, causing him to stumble back a little. "I refused to marry you because I wasn't ready! You should have respected that answer, it may not have been what you wanted to hear but that doesn't mean you go and make out with someone else" I rid my face of the old tears, making room for the fresh ones that fall freely from my deep brown eyes.

"Im sorry" he finally chokes out after 10 long seconds of silence. "I-I wasn't thinking, im a dick, a complete and utter douche, im so fucking sorry, I keep messing everything up, I know this is all my fault, I love you, I love you so much and I don't want to loose you, please" his eyes were fogging up from the tears.

I stare at him blankly. "I'll be back to get my things later" I say coldly. "We're done Shane" it comes out in a croaky voice as I brush passed him and out into the cold air. He doesn't follow me, there would be no point, this was it now, no more second chances. It was all over.

* * *

and thats a wrap! i realize a lot of you hate me for not uploading sooner, but i was so busy with exams and revision i just didn't have time, and i re-wrote this a million times, it's still not the best but i tried. i really hope you like it and im sad its ending but there will be a sequel, i don't know when, probably in a couple months, but i promise there will be one, i wont leave you hanging again, i just want to thank everyone for reading this story and reviewing, every one meant a lot, whether it was critism or kind words, every one counted, i love you all and all you have to do now is REVIEW!


	29. APOLOGY (Read please)

So it's been a little more than a few months…OK A LONG TIME! I'm soooooo sorry guys! I forgot my password to my fanfic account and then I completely forgot about it all together! Trust me, I hate me too, however, im going to be updating more frequently from now on (pinky promise) and I will start by getting that sequel up, or a brand new story, I haven't quite decided yet, but you can help me on that, let me know if you would still be willing to read on from the last chapter of this story and I will put up a new story ASAP.


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